Category: Getting Together to Game is a Party

Rules for Gobbos

My ladyfriend is not much of an RPG person. She enjoys a leisurely evening of D&D, but mostly as a social event. She’ll interject with a bit of goofy role playing now and again, but tends to just follow along with whatever the rest of the party wants to do. I’ve had a lot of people like that in my games over the years. Folks who are there because they enjoy hanging out. Maybe they’re more into the times we get together for board games, or maybe they went along with a significant other at some point, and enjoyed the atmosphere more than they enjoyed the game. Maybe you know someone similar, and maybe if you do, this’ll help you find something enjoyable for them to do.

It started a few years back when my ladyfriend accompanied me to play in a game where I was a 14th level character. She didn’t want to deal with the hassle of creating a high level character, so we got the referee to let her play all four of the Goblins from Paizo’s “We Be Goblins” module: Rita, Mogmurch, Chuffy, and Poog. It all worked out so well that we decided to use the same plan when she joined my ORWA game. But since this is an ongoing campaign, rather than a one-shot, I decided to put a little work into getting the goblins working.

First off, to remain setting consistent, the goblins aren’t goblins. They’re infant children who fell off a babycart (literally a cart where infant children are piled up for sale) and into a puddle of mutagen. This turned them green and gave them weirdly developed bodies, despite their size. They know how to talk, and call themselves Gobbos.

Gobbos can’t die the way normal characters die. They’re not invulnerable to harm, but they react to harm like a Loony Toon character. If a rock falls on them they get flattened, pop back into shape, and then scamper off to cry and lick their wounds until the next session, when they’ll have forgotten anything bad ever happened to them.

Gobbos also don’t get any share of the treasure, or any of the commensurate experience. In fact, Gobbos can’t level up at all. Players who are running the Gobbos will never need to worry about keeping their character sheet up to date, because it’s an (almost) entirely static thing. They also don’t need to worry about how to spend their money, and the other players never get annoyed at splitting their treasure haul with a quartet of characters who don’t contribute on the same level that they do.

(Though it should be noted that Gobbos are children. Sometimes they’ll see something shiny, and insist that it be purchased for them.)

Any time the other players are getting treasure, the Gobbos are free to scrounge around for something more in line with their own interests. The player they rolls on the “Gobbo Junk” table, which can be restocked by the referee as items are discovered.

The Gobbos Find a…

  1. Really really shiny, smooth rock.
  2. Plastic frisbee.
  3. Well used catcher’s mitt.
  4. Curly blonde wig.
  5. Hula hoop.
  6. Pair of boxing gloves.
  7. Basketball.
  8. Bowling ball.
  9. Potted cactus.
  10. Steel folding chair. The kind you find in a church basement, not the kind you find in your dad’s garage.
  11. Stepladder.
  12. Jar with holes poked in the lid, and 12 beetles inside of it.
  13. Metal wastebasket with a mesh pattern.
  14. Porno magazine.
  15. Bag of disposable surgical gloves.
  16. Big bag of candy necklaces.
  17. Rubber mask of Richard Nixon.
  18. Nice-ish briefcase.
  19. Fistful of indistinct sludge.
  20. Ball of twine.
  21. Doorknob.
  22. DD bra.
  23. Box of mousetraps.
  24. Roll of duct tape.
  25. Chair leg.
  26. Banjo with only 1 string on it.
  27. Conical dunce cap.
  28. Box of letters for a marquee style signboard.
  29. Bundle of plastic 6-pack rings.
  30. Paper bag of paper bags.
  31. Plastic bag of plastic bags.
  32. Rubber boot.
  33. Flip phone with plenty of charge, but no service.
  34. Box of paper clips.
  35. RC car.
  36. Barbie doll.
  37. Roll of wrapping paper.
  38. Ceramic cookie jar shaped like a pig wearing a chef’s hat.
  39. Stretch Armstrong doll.
  40. Tiger Electronics “Home Alone 2” tape recorder.
  41. Pair of Handcuffs.
  42. Ball gag.
  43. Flourescent light tube.
  44. Dozen eggs.
  45. Chicken.
  46. Housecat.
  47. Can of spraypaint. Blue.
  48. Disposable polaroid camera.
  49. Propeller beanie.
  50. Plastic toy sword.
  51. Bag of marbles.
  52. Tube of pogs.
  53. Huge bag of rice.
  54. Sleeve of printer paper.
  55. Dead bird.
  56. Dead Dog.
  57. Huge number “8” made of wood.
  58. Tacklebox full of fishing lures and hooks.
  59. Corkscrew.
  60. Pencil sharpener.
  61. Human skull
  62. Stack of newspapers.
  63. Wall clock.
  64. Padlock and key.
  65. Geode with a little pewter wizard inside of it.
  66. Binder with documentation for some kind of software.
  67. Pair of socks.
  68. Pair of nice slacks.
  69. Needle nose pliers.
  70. Standing, oscillating fan.
  71. Elementary school desk/chair combo.
  72. Bouquet of fake flowers.
  73. Bottle of hand sanitizer.
  74. Really neat spider with lots of cool colors on it.
  75. Metal shopping cart.
  76. Labelmaker.
  77. Sheets of scratch & sniff stickers. Of the “Grape Job” variety.
  78. Encyclopedia Britannica volume for the letter “O.”
  79. Catheter bag full of urine.
  80. Police file on someone named “Dave Bestfighter.”
  81. Empty jar labelled “Dreams.”
  82. Glow in the dark ceiling stars.
  83. Bag of party balloons.
  84. Bag of Frozen Peas. Still frozen, somehow.
  85. The poles to a tent.
  86. Baby rattle.
  87. Box of Mike & Ikes candy.
  88. Hand painted portrait of a randomly determined party member.
  89. The discarded highschool poetry of a randomly determined party member.
  90. Big red “Marks-A-Lot” marker.
  91. Yo-yo.
  92. Blender.
  93. Foam Jack-O-Lantern.
  94. Traffic cone.
  95. Box of matches.
  96. Car tire.
  97. Keyring full of keys.
  98. Bottle of really nice wine.
  99. Child’s devil costume for Halloween.
  100. Treasure map, drawn in crayon, to a toystore.

A D&Drinking Game

While working my day job the other day*, I came up with an idea for one of my projects. So I pulled out my trusty notebook and started writing. A friendly coworker asked me what I was grinning about, which put me in the ever-awkward position of trying to describe my niche-appeal writing projects for someone outside that niche. “I just realized I should totally put some erotic objects on my random treasure table,” might be an accurate answer, but it’s kind of an annoying thing to say if you know the other person doesn’t understand the context. It puts the onus on them either to smile and nod, or ask followup questions that they might not really be interested in the answer to.

I admit, I probably overthink social situations. I’m sure that makes me the most original person on the Internet or something.

Anyway, as it turns out, this coworker wasn’t entirely ignorant of D&D. After I was done babbling, she told me a second-hand story about a referee who wrapped little scrolls around cans of beer. Whenever a player finished the beer they could unravel the scroll and receive whatever boon was written on it.

It’s a simple rule, and has a lot of potential in a “D&D is a gathering of people, and a gathering of people is a party” way. As someone who enjoys mixing drinking with games, it sounds like a fun time. After google failed to turn up any published examples of this rule, I figured I’d put my own spin on it.

Drinking and Dragons

Any time a player fully consumes a unit of alcohol, they may draw from the “Booze Boon” deck. These can be written on index cards, or just on scraps of paper shuffled in a bowl. Referees with too much time on their hands can affix each Booze Boon to an alcohol container if they like, but that seems like a lot of work.

The referee should ensure the game continues along at a good pace while the Booze Boon deck is in play. While conversational tangents may not normally be a problem, they could cause Booze Boon effects to stack up when play resumes.

It is assumed that anyone playing a D&D drinking game is willing to play pretty fast and loose with the rules.

Cards:

  • Referee for 15 minutes! The player and the referee set an egg timer, and switch places until it goes off. Each must do their best to pursue their new role with vigor, and both are vested with the full authority of their new positions. To the temporary referee: just remember that if you can make treasure fall from the sky, your opposite number can have your character swear a vow of poverty.
  • Fireball! Regardless of class or game system, the player gains a classic AD&D Fireball spell to use at their discretion. 20′ radius, 6d6 damage, save v. Breath for half.
  • You may keep this card in your hand and play it at any time. When played, the NPC of your choosing turns out to be a long lost friend of yours! You guys go way way back, and they’ve really missed hanging out with you. Monsters are not exempt from this card.
  • From the time this card is drawn, until the player who drew it is able to draw their next Booze Boon, all attack rolls at the table are resolved via Rock, Paper, Scissors rather than rolling dice.
  • What’s your favorite X-Man? Your character gains their powers for the next in-game hour. Just remember, you still gotta deal with the consequences once your new powers go away!
  • The referee must create a beneficial magic item based on the name or bottle art of the drink the player just finished. The player finds that magic item in their sack! Apparently they mixed up their laundry with someone else’s.
  • Holy shit you find 10,000 money.
  • You find a tommygun, in pristine condition, just lying on the ground. It has 100 rounds in it. Each round does 1d4 damage. You decide how many rounds you fire, then roll to hit.
  • LEVEL UP IMMEDIATELY
  • You’re raised to full health, and then, you’re raised to 100 hp more than your full health. Your maximum hit points remain the same, and the loss of these extra hit points cannot be healed. The extra hit points last until they are taken away by damage dealt to your character.
  • You cannot fail a save for the rest of the session. It’s impossible.
  • During the rest of the session, falling damage no longer exists for you. If you land on top of anyone, they take the falling damage you would have taken if it did exist.
  • You can fly by flapping your arms. Caveat: you the player must flap your arms for as long as you want to fly. This ability is permanent.
  • Any time you use a die-rolling technique that you have not used before during this session, you get a +2 bonus to that roll. (Roll off the back of your hand! Roll with your elbow! Grasp the die in your toes and roll it! There ya go, three freebie techniques).
  • Anytime you roll an 18+ on your attack roll the fist of god comes down to smash whatever individual you’re fighting.
  • Strip cheating. For each item of clothing you remove, you may alter all the dice involved in any roll to show whatever facing you want them to. Socks and shoes count individually, but if you put on any clothing after drawing this card you permanently forfeit its benefit.
  • You gain the 1st level benefits of a randomly determined class other than your own.
  • A time traveling car pops into existence in front of you. The folks inside were killed by the process of time traveling. Turns out when you go backwards in time, you go backwards in age at the same rate! Not that it matters for you, since the time travel device also seems to have broken. BUT, the car drives just fine. It’s all yours until the gas runs out.
  • The other players must decide on an obscure skill. Something like “Basket weaving,” “juggling,” “fart music,” “whistling,” or “speed chess.” The player who drew the Booze Boone becomes the undisputed world master of this ability for all time.  You have an effective 1000% chance to succeed. Not even the most severe situational penalty will ever stop you from being the baddest motherfucker in the room with regards to this very obscure skill.
  • God has chosen you! Drawing on your real world religious knowledge, you can perform one miracle that is considered to have occurred by some religious group somewhere. Anyone other than the PCs who observe your miracle will believe you are divine, and trust in any 3 teachings you give them completely.
  • You have chosen God! One deity of your choice becomes real within the game world. This can be a real religious figure, a fictional one, or indeed, literally anything that you want to be divine. You can pick the ham sandwich you had yesterday if you like, and it will become a god. You may select two religious doctrines taught by this new god, and each of the other players at the table may pick one. The referee must record these and remember that this god is entirely real within their game’s cosmology. Even if they’re running a monotheist christian campaign, Ham Sandwich is now a rival deity to Yahweh.
  • A surge of perception allows you to see through the lines of reality. For the next 60 minutes of real-world time, you cannot be struck in combat by anything less than a natural 20. You cannot fail a save on anything more than a natural 1.
  • Drunken Master! Your character permanently becomes a martial artist of exceptional skill. You gain a 4 to your armor class when wearing no armor, and your unarmed attacks deal 1d12 damage. These abilities only work when you are inebriated in real life. (Please do not become an alcoholic.)
  • On dealing a successful attack, you may choose either to roll dice, or do jumping jacks. If you choose the latter, you deal as many points of damage as you do jumping jacks.

*Actually it was over a year ago. This post has been in the buffer for awhile now.