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So, what makes these mooks more than just mooks?

1. Killer Paul – A psychopathic serial killer, who finds this way of life a useful in providing for his needs. Always likes to take a few alive if he can, so he can ‘play’ with them. Whenever someone joins his band, Killer Paul cuts deep into his own chest, and forces the initiate to ‘suckle at the devil’s teat.’ KP believes this makes his followers “like him.” And, indeed, everyone makes a show of reveling in murder and torture, though most do so out of fear, rather than a sincere bloodlust.
2. Yeolar the Leveler – Believes the current system of government is not only corrupt, but fundamentally flawed. Only a society that guarantees equal access to wealth is justified. Since no such society exists, Yeolar has determined to make one. Within her band, loot is distributed evenly, and decisions are made communally. They prefer to kill the wealthy and powerful, since such people will never willingly agree to participate in a leveled society. But sometimes, work is work, and they’ll do what they have to.
3. Faenrik the Slayer – Only a handful of Faenrik’s closes confidants know that he is actually Sir Fulton, an honorable knight of the realm. He leads a double life, disguising himself in a battered suit of plate armor whenever he’s with his band of ne’er do wells. If this fact were discovered, it would be a great scandal.
4. Gabriel Tellison – Unbeknownst to anyone, the much feared Tellison gang is led by an angel, who has been sent by God to test our faith.
   
5. Penelope Croust – Once, she was a paladin. But she was too fond of being paid for her good deeds, always expecting a reward when she saved someone. Eventually her avarice caused her to fall, and lose her powers. Rather than seek redemption, she’s embraced a life of using her fighting prowess to earn as much gold as she can.
6. Edward Von Kleght – Formerly head of a prominent carpenter’s guild. A few years back, the crown undertook a massive public works project, which required nearly all the carpenters in the guild. Once the project was done, the crown decided the work was too expensive, and cut costs by cheating many of their laborers out of fair wages. The carpenters were in a frenzy of rage, and Von Kleght led them out to prey upon the kingdom that had cheated them. 
7. General Tusurio – After months upon months of late and missing pay, Tusurio and a group of other soldiers determined they’d had enough, and could make better money on their own terms. The highest rank Tusurio ever legitimately achieved was sergeant, but he and his men decided promotions for themselves were in order after they deserted the army.
   
8. Bovilare Ostencluck – Ostensibly, a sickly old woman with an uncanny knack for knowing when and where to strike to maximize profits. She always stays behind a curtain, and no one in her band has seen her face. She maintains this anonymity because she’s actually a highly intelligent chicken who just doesn’t want to lay eggs or get eaten. She usually stays at the groups hideout, but is sometimes carried around in her curtained litter.
9. Benji Poppinjay – Formerly a rat catcher, who unsettled his fellows with his strange passion for the work. He even went so far as to invent a rat goddess, which he began to worship in weird ceremonies, until he was run out of town. He learned to sustain himself by adapting the principles of rat trapping to trap humans, and a small following began to take shape around him. 
10. Kinlee Wouldabeen – A prophesied child of destiny, meant to overthrow evil and establish an era of peace. As it turns out, however, overthrowing evil is hard. Kinlee just sorta stopped trying at some point, and turned to the much simpler life of doing whatever was needed to make a few coins. 
11. Hugo Urasha – is not actually Hugo Urasha. The real Hugo died quietly in his tent, when a doppleganger sucked out his innards through his mouth. The thing now presenting itself as the fierce leader of a notorious band  is not human at all. Some of the men have noticed the sudden shift in their leader’s behavior. They seem to be consistently doing very similar work, against very similar targets. But Hugo has always led them right before, and they’re still bringing in plenty of booty, so no one questions it.
12. Pogo the Clown – Pogo began his life in the circus, where he had some moderate success as a clown. He always made a little money as a thug on the side. By the time anyone came looking for him, the circus would have moved on, and he’d be safe. Eventually his fellows got fed up with the bad reputation he was giving them, and kicked him out. Now Pogo is a thug full time, still wearing his clown costume and makeup for some unfathomable reason.
13. Murza Zill – A lesbian who was never very good at disguising her preferences. Rather than force herself to endure the dicks of the conservative culture she was born into, Murza chose to strike out on her own and see what sort of living she could make. A band has slowly formed around her. Some are drawn to her success, while others are drawn to the idea of living in a group where they can safely be gay.
14. Three Dick Jack – A bunch of people follow him because he’s got three dicks and that’s awesome.
15. Father Sedgwick – Hoping to save souls, Father Sedgewick started traveling with the band to preach, and to hear confessions. He hoped to slowly show these people the error of their ways, but the opposite ended up happening. One compromise led to another, and to another, and now Father Sedgwick leads the band himself.
16. Renuar Estavon – Poetry without struggle is trash. At least, that’s what Renuar believes. Believing his own work had begun to suffer from his too-comfortable, too-safe, too-law-abiding lifestyle, Renuar decided to leave it all behind to seek a life of adventure and hardship. Something that would inform his poetry, and allow him to reach greater artistic heights.
17. Ms. S.C. Rowe – She’s not really sure how it happened, but one day she just…came to life. There, up on a post in the middle of a field, with memories of being an unliving facsimile whose only purpose was to scare off birds. Then bam, she was alive, she climbed down off her post, and ran off into the woods to figure out what the heck was going on. She’s still just a bundle of hay wrapped up in clothes, and yet she thinks and feels all on her own. She’s terrified people will find out what she is and destroy her, so she works on the edge of society, with just her band for company.
18. Yasui Leiko – A warrior from a far off land, armed with strange weapons, and wearing strange armors. When she was exiled from her home, she set out to wander, going further than almost any of her people had ever gone before. She does not know any local language, but instead communicates with her band through her tone and gestures.
19. Willie Jopho – Even when he was a young boy, Willie knew he wanted to live this life. He looked up to the men and women who lived by their own law, making money by their strength and ferocity, and he scorned the weakness of their victims. He ran off to join a band when he was a teenager, where he learned the trade, before breaking off to found his own group.
20. Lanky Jim Wheeler – A former pirate whose ship sank during a storm. Was able to lead his crew to safety, but couldn’t find a new ship for them. Until they can find a good one to steal, they’re sticking to “land-piracy.”



21. Niklaus Trapp – A con man, working both sides of the law. He moves to a new area, establishes a band of ruffians, skillfully leads them to becoming wanted men, then absconds with the booty and turns his own men in to the law for the reward money. 
22. Big Nero – A gentle giant of a man who doesn’t realize what he’s doing. He thinks he’s dreaming, living out fantasies of adventure. His own men encourage this fantasy, as they’ve never had so much success as they’ve had under Big Nero. A man completely unafraid, because he doesn’t think the danger is real.
23. Hugh Mann – On the planet Dasdukk, gold is a bountiful resource. The peoples who live there discovered a way to use it as a source of fuel, and now they travel the stars in great ships powered by gold. Recently, a collision with a meteor destroyed an auxiliary fuel tank on one of their ships, which was forced to make an emergency landing on Earth. Imagine their horror when they discovered how rare gold was on this disgusting little rock in space. They had just enough fuel left to create a single human suit, which they take turns wearing to go out and lead a group of humans in acquiring gold by any means necessary.
24. Rockington – A creature of the deep sub-earth, who has only recently discovered that the worms of the surface world have been digging beneath their domain, plundering the natural wonders of the subterranean. This infuriates Rockington, who now scourges the surface with a band of treasonous humans. They may take all they like of the wine, the food, the silks, the papered moneys, etcetera. But all precious metals and stones must be returned to their rightful place beneath the earth.
25. Jordanna Wheeler – Wishes are tricky things. When Jordanna had the opportunity to make her innermost desires a reality, she wished to be the most desirable woman in the land, living a life of excitement. The very next instant she found herself in a camp, surrounded by bloodthirsty thugs who regarded her as their leader. She tried to flee home, only to discover a flyer, with her own face sketched on it, naming her the most wanted woman in the land, with a massive bounty for her capture, dead or alive.
26. Shimmercoat – A young woman who wears a suit of wolf skins, sewn together. She’s convinced that her true father was a wolf, and that her mother only hid it from her out of shame. Most folks think she’s crazy, but her obsessive striving to be as swift and fierce as “her wolf ancestors,” has led her to becoming a surprisingly effective fighter.
27. Georgina Louverture – A few months, maybe a year or two. That’s how long a person survives after the black polyps start to appear on their neck. With nothing left to lose, Georgina figured she’d throw herself into danger, to make as much money for her family as she could before she died. That was three years ago. The polyps now cover her neck entirely, and have begun to spread down across her chest. There are some days she can’t do anything other than lie in bed and leak a grey bile. Yet, she isn’t dead, so she keeps going, sending every coin she takes back home.
28. Simone Ninel – Teaching is a tough job, particularly if you insist on being honest about it. After being dismissed by a few noble patrons for teaching their children the “wrong” facts, Simone found it impossible to find any work.Pushed to the edge of society, she turned to violence to make ends meet. The band which has formed around her is the best educated group of thugs you’ll ever meet. 
29. Horace – When Horace’ mother laid her eggs in the corpse of a wizard, she thought nothing of it. She thought very little at all, in fact, because she was a turtle. When the homunculic amalgam of turtle and infant was found, it was taken in by an elderly warrior; an exile from a far off land who raised the turtle-child in the warrior traditions of his home. He managed to keep Horace’ existence secret for years, until some people from the nearby village spotted the child, believing him to be a demon. They burned the house, killed Horace’ mentor, and Horace himself only barely escaped into the night. Now an adolescent, Horace uses the skills his mentor gave him to survive, and a small band of ruffians has formed around him.
30. The Black Tree – The true name of this creature is a very particular sound that can be produced by rustling leaves. No symbols exist in human language to correlate to that sound, as no human is capable of approximating it, so “The Black Tree” will have to suffice. Grown in soil fertilized by the blood of god, the Black Tree grows man-things like fruit in its branches. Each year, 10-30 new men are grown to replace those who have died. All fruit of the Black Tree obey its will: take what men value, sow discord among them.
31. Wadduda – An exceptionally intelligent horse, with a dead, taxidermied human on its back. Wadduda has become a skilled ventriloquist and puppeteer. She convincingly gesticulates with the ‘man’ on her back, so that no one realizes it’s actually the horse doing the talking, the fighting, and the leading.
32. Grey DeLisle – A young woman with an almost erotic fascination with fire. It plays some creative role in almost every plan she employs, as well as a terrifying role in her philosophy of enforcing discipline among her band.
33. Austera Wuster – A complete narcissist, convinced of her own infallibility. Austera is a bumbling moron, but her band of thugs props up her ego, because the more credit she gets for their misdeeds, the less likely any of them are to be caught or punished.
34. Davberton Jonesmith – ‘Davberton,’ of course, is not a real name. It’s the kind of name someone comes up with when someone asks them what their name is, and they can’t tell the truth, so they play out a mid-’90s sitcom joke. I mean, it’s not like you can just tell people that you’re a dead person wearing the skins of the living as a disguise. Not that Davberton is dead…he’s totally alive. Totally.
35. Marcia Gallika – A harsh woman who wears a cat-o-nine-tails at her side. She claims it is the same one which tore at the flesh of Christ before the crucifixion, and plays up her identity as a gleeful scourge of all that is good and wholesome.
36. Gurbo Zalamticus – Lost a hand some years ago, and decided to have a short sword mounted on the stump. He’s a competent leader, but by no means an exceptional one. People tend to overestimate him because of his sword-hand. To his credit, he does realize this.
37. Taukum – A 12 year old girl whose parents were terrible people. So, she killed them, and left their bodies in the street before leaving her hometown forever. She’s a muscular child, with a brutal temperament.
38. Ereet Furn: A cultist devoted to the Blue Lady, who will reduce the world to a frozen wasteland upon her coming. Ereet seeks to bring about the dawn of her era through leading this band. Only a few of Ereet’s followers know that her true purpose is not to acquire wealthy, but to foster chaos.
    
39. Olso Na – Not a bad guy, really. He’s easygoing, charming, and never cheats in games of chance. But it’s a tough world, and there aren’t a lot of ways for a guy who likes to make his own way to get by. So sometimes you gotta get a little rough to make your money, that’s just the way the world turns. 
40. Lil’ Bippie –An 8 year old prodigy who was ready to be an adult by the time he was 5. Since his parents insisted on treating him like a child, and since no one was willing to hire a child, he set out to make his own way in the world. Obviously he can’t quite stand up to an adult physically, but Lil’ Bippie is a clever guy, who knows how to set up an ambush, and he’s got enough adults on his payroll to make those ambushes pack a punch. He’s also got a strange way of getting other children to “snap out of” their own childishness, which many people find deeply unsettling.



41. Alicia Poverdagh – Dying is never really fair. Why should one person starve to death, while others have food rotting in their stores because they can’t host feasts quickly enough to use it all? Alicia may have tolerated that while she was alive, for some reason, but now that she’s a ghost, beyond the realm of consequences, she’d like to enact judgement upon those who have so much, while she had so little. She doesn’t “Lead” her band, so much as she comes to them in dreams, whispers in their ears, and occasionally appears to terrify their victims.
42. Nadochk: A street performer, who isn’t afraid to engage in a little more dangerous work if the price is right. She and her band prefer to make their money via their antics if possible, but when money is tight they know which end of the sword to hold.
43. Tzim Aulur: A splinter of divinity, living the first of its infinite lives. As far as it can tell, life is a game, and everyone else is just playing it too cautiously. Tzim does not understand death, believing that anyone who dies is simply ‘out of the game’ until the next round.
44. Wife: A former daughter of nobility, who always resented her limited role. On the day of her wedding, she ran off, managed to escape capture, and hide aboard a ship destined for lands beyond her parent’s control. Even still, she has needed to live on the outskirts of society, lest her name make it back home, where surely someone would be sent to collect her. She still wears her bridal gown, the only clothes she had on her back when she ran. It’s now been cut into a more functional garment, but is still recognizable. Since she doesn’t want to give out her name, she’s been only too happy to adopt the nickname “Wife” her followers gave her.
45. Sullas Oulor: As a child, Sullas made a little wish of no consequence. All that matters is that a fairy offered to grant her wish in exchange for some future favor, which she agreed to. A lifetime later, when Sullas had a husband and children, and had forgotten all about her wish, the fairy came again, and demanded a great sum of money from her. Not because it wanted the money, but because it wanted to see if she could get it. She had one year to get the job done, so Sullas frantically set to work. Faeries will do a lot worse than break your legs if you fail to pay your debts.
46. Spider Dave: Spider Dave lost an eye years ago, and lets his pet tarantula live in the socket.
47. Finster Mirman: For crimes that are unspeakable in any language spoken through empty air, Finster was banished from the realms of the sea king. It was thought that he would die of exposure on the shores, but Finster refused to go out so easily. He dragged himself into the woods, where he found a pond. There he made his plan. It wasn’t hard to find humans willing to do his bidding, and through them he constructed a set of land-legs, and a glass helmet of seawater to sustain him.
48. Rope Burn Tim: A thief and a killer who was tried, and set to be hanged. Then he was hanged, and his neck didn’t snap. For a good minute he struggled at the end of the rope, before the rope broke, and he fell safely to the ground. By law, this was seen as an act of god, and Tim was released. He immediately put together a new gang, and spent awhile terrorizing the community that had tried to kill him. His voice is still hoarse, and his neck still bears the scar. He never took the rope off from around his neck, preferring to wear it as a reminder to his men and to his enemies that he can’t be killed.
49. Ginny Bo: An older man, well into his twilight years. To look at him, you’d think he was too frail to do the things he’s done. But as he reaches the end of his life, he’s come to believe that all his quiet years of responsibility were a waste. He’s determined to fill his final days with as many adventurous thrills as he can.
50. Suzera the Slasher, and her Seven Sisters: A group of peasant women who were frustrated by the choice between being a wife and…well, nothing else. Most of them were content just to grouse about it to one another, but Suzera’s the one who got the idea that the group should kill some of the wealthier men in the village, take their money, and abscond out into the wilderness. The band has been wandering around ever since, taking what they need, and killing for money. 
51. Lord Reggie Windsley the VII: AKA “The Blackguard of Havensforth” Spoiled son of the local lord, Reggie took on the persona of The Blackguard a few years back, and began terrorizing his own lands as a kind of prank. Hundreds of his own subjects have had their lives destroyed, or even been killed, for this childish lark, and Reggie doesn’t have an iota of remorse. 
52. Bossen Grust: A servant to Folar Est, lord of the lands just to the south of here. Folar sent Bossen north, to weaken his rival’s lands through brigandage. Bossen has taken a real liking to the life, drawing money both through his thievery, and through requests for support back to lord Folar. He’s decided to stick with this life as long as he can, then probably abandon Folar’s service, once the old fool gets wise.
53. Gin Nolk: A consummate warrior, with complete disdain for any way of life that is not combat-based. She enjoys pillaging farmers, and believes that they deserve it because they are stupid. If they were smart, they’d be warriors. 
54. Purbo the Brutal: Purbo is lean, and muscular, and completely hairless. His sickly pale skin is covered head-to-toe in tattoos. He walks around naked, save for a belt with his weapons and coin purse hanging form it.
55. Ferdi Black: Rides on the back of a bear. No one is quite sure how she managed to train a bear to serve as a mount, but it does.
56. Rattenik: A beefy woman who runs an ostensibly respectable group of caravan guards for hire. Anytime business gets too slow, though, she personally sees to it that every merchant who comes within a 10′ mile radius of town is robbed.
57. Zurbo the Annihilator: Got his start as a circus performer, who wore colorful masks, and wrestled other performers for the amusement of the crowd. But when you’re as good as Zurbo is, why should you be content with the pennies people pay to see your show? Why not just pin them down and take all their money?
58. Benito Garveson: Left home 6 years ago to do his mandatory stint in the army. Only made it about halfway there before he lost his nerve. The army is meatgrinder. It sends men to far off lands to get chopped up and die on some forsaken battlefield for no real reason. At some point, Benito just wandered off the road, hoping to lose himself in the woods. He found a cave filled with a trapper’s supplies, and lived off those long enough to get the idea that if he had to be a man of violence, at least he could stick close to home.
59. Father Routney: Supposedly a priest, disgusted with the godlessness of the world, and “extracting God’s tithe by force.” No word yet from the church on whether Father Routney is an ordained priest, or just a brigand with a collar.
60. Suzie “Princess” Dulden: A young woman who is shockingly strong, given her waifish appearance. She frequently lures her victims into traps, by putting on a fancy gown, and pretending to be a damsel in distress.



61. Robolo: As a younger woman, Robolo did something which she refuses to discuss with anyone. Whatever it was, though, would have brought unbearable shame upon her family. To spare them that, she faked her own death, and changed her name. She turned to banditry and mercenary work to stay off the grid, so no one would ever discover the terrible truth. 
62. Sir Tergio Gault: A decade or so back, a coalition of nobles banded together to revolt against their king. The nobles lost, and were sentenced to death as traitors. Only Sir Tergio Gault managed to escape capture. But with all his lands seized, and a bounty on his head, there’s no work left to him but the life of an outlaw.
    
63. Nunak: A massive, muscle-bound woman from the frozen lands of the north. She lives by no laws, and travels the world seeking adventure. Today, she is a mercenary, tomorrow a bandit, the day after a robber of tombs, and always, she is a conqueror.
64. Kessliger: A clever Kobold, who does his work via traps rather than direct confrontation.
65. David: A man obsessed with biblical heroes, to the point of renaming himself after his favorite. He has a fetishistic love of the sling as a weapon, and will often launch himself into lengthy monologues about its versatility and elegance. He’s more than a little unhinged.
66. Hozeron Crous: Once caught a nymph by her toe, and was granted a wish to release her. As a result, anyone working for Hozeron is completely invulnerable to harm. Due to some nymphish trickery, Hozeron herself has no special protection. However, her followers are well aware of this, and will happily leap in front of arrows to protect their leader. After all, the arrow can’t hurt them.
67. Lucana The Hungry: A woman who ritualistically cannibalizes one of her victims after each job. It’s a purely performative thing, she derives no great pleasure from it, but it makes people respect her, and she likes that.
68. Tall Sue: ‘Taint got no legs. She rides around on a horse, with a special saddle to help her stay upright and in control.
69. Bog Boy Jeffy: He’s swamp folk, and his pappy was swamp folk, and his brothers and sisters is swamp folk too. Their home is the deep, fetid places where they will never be found, and where anyone who searches for them will likely die of horrible disease.
70. Rinny Eyeling: A small woman with an obsessive love of cats. There are more cats in her band than there are people, but despite her compulsive behavior, her followers stick with her because she’s undeniably effective. Outsiders think the cats bring her luck. People who have been with the band for awhile know the real truth: the cats obey her commands.
71. Zerdia Gabblestan: A young woman, deformed from birth by bulging protrusions of bone, which give her a “lumpy” appearance. They also make her look fearsome, and serve as a kind of natural armor, so that she’s very difficult to harm. She probably won’t live past 40, but she’s intent on using what time she has to take as much wealth for herself as she can.
72. Lilanio Prussage: Disgusted by the evils of society, and unable to force change through any positive action she ever attempted, Lilanio determined that the only way to make things better was to dedicate her life to making things so much worse that people would be forced to rise up in revolt and demand better lives for themselves.
73. Bucky The Drunk: A lucky drunk who is in way over his head.
74. Pustaso Vega: For some fool reason, Pustaso got it into his head that Angelita would love him if only he could prove his boldness. For years now, he’s been charging headlong into danger, and by some mix of charm, luck, and talent, he keeps managing to get out again. In his mind, news of his deeds makes its way back to Angelita, and she’s back home just waiting for him to come and marry her. In reality, she hasn’t heard of, or thought about him in years, and doesn’t really care.
75. Skello: A very smart skeleton, who wants to free other skeletons from their meat prisons, and make a ton of money doing it. He’s willing to work with meat-jailers to get the job done, if need be.
76. Higgins: A prim and proper butler to an established and lordly family during the day. A heartless, merciless killer whenever nobody is looking. He has served his noble patrons so long and so faithfully, that he is often trusted with jobs that allow him to work unmolested for weeks or months at a time. 
77. Crazy Bob Futureman: It’s nearly impossible to take Crazy Bob seriously. He’s a distractable babbler who seems almost incapable of listening to a person for more than 30 seconds before latching on to some random thing they’ve said, and using it as a springboard into his own mad ravings. Crazy Bob is also a skilled diviner, who knows the truth and falsehood of things people say, can speak with plants and animals, locate people and objects at will, and even occasionally see the future. He also knows how to be a violent motherfucker when he needs to be.
78. Claudio A man who suffers from moderate physical and mental disabilities, which made him the object of derision within his small town. From early childhood, other children were encouraged to treat him like a monster, and the abuse persisted into his adult life. But despite a slowness of speech and a difficulty with reading and writing, Claudio is not an idiot. When it comes to planning and executing acts of theft and violence, he’s actually quiet skilled.
79. Brandi Marlo A short, athletic, happy-go-lucky young woman who comes from a completely different world. One much more similar to our own world in the year 1985. There are no dragons or magic or boobytrapped dungeons in her world, and she finds what we do a great deal more entertaining. Particularly because anything from our world seems to have a difficult time harming or killing her. She’s a massed a band of followers, and is generally willing to do whatever people will give her money for. She has no moral qualms about hurting us, because she’s not actually convinced that we’re entirely real.
80. Simple Bartholomew: A jaundiced young man who probably doesn’t have very long to live, though no one has ever been able to figure out quite why. His anger at the inevitable shortness of his own life has led him to become apathetic to the suffering and deaths of others. Everything he does is one big joke to him, and he will typically stage jobs to deliver some sort of existentialist punchline.



81. Gridin: Though in every way, Gridin acts like a simple brigand out to make as much money as he can, he is actually a devout priest of Kurznak the Chaos God. Gridin’s apparent greed is actually religious devotion, as he attempts to sow as much chaos into the world as he can. All the money he makes personally is donated to the church, to further spread chaos throughout the world.
82. Ostroggala: Like everyone who lived in her area, when Ostroggala was 15, she visited the local oracle to learn something about her future. For most folks, it was some cryptic nonsense that only made sense after the fact. For Ostroggala, for the first time anyone could remember, it was straightforward: “You will die peacefully in your bed.” So, with the absolute assurance that she would never die a violent death, Ostroggala set out on a life of mercenary adventurism, and banditry.
83. Dekesh Saum: An escapee from a wealthy merchant’s harem, who led a number of his fellow consorts to freedom. They faced too much prejudice in the outside world to lead any kind of normal life, and so settled on survival by violence.
84. Wayne Kayle: A vigilante with a warped sense of justice, who believes the poor are only poor because they’re not smart, or good enough to be rich. She punishes the poor for this with her own brand of being ‘smart.’ As in, she takes your shit, and aren’t you a dummy for not being able to stop her?
85. Pumpanius Drex: Pumpanius and her band don’t really want to live this life. They’d much rather settle down, build some houses, plant some crops, and raise some families. But unless they want to try and live in some of the awful towns in the area (they super don’t), then they’re going to need to settle some new land. And unless they want to go on a years-long, perilous trek across land (they don’t), they’re going to need a ship that can sail them to an empty plot where they can settle. And ships cost money, so they’re going to steal and murder until they’ve got enough. The people around here are assholes anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.
86. Brettier Sulva: An escaped slave, determined to die rather than go back into servitude. During her escape, she killed several of her “owners,” and as a result there’s a massive bounty for her capture, dead or alive.
87. An: A woman who’s in way over her head. About a year ago, she was in a tight spot, and used some sleight-of-hand magic to convince some tough guys she was a powerful wizard. One thing led to another, and now she’s leading a band of those tough guys, using smoke and mirrors to keep up appearances. She’s enjoying all the money and respect, but she knows it can’t last, and is a little worried about how she’s going to extricate herself from this mess.
88. Teguska Dane: A proud old military man, tired of his soft, wastrel grandchildren. Society as a whole has gone soft, as far as he’s concerned, so he’s going to spend the last few precious years of his life living like the old days. Sleeping in muck, and killing men for his pay.
89. Vera Vateli: A devout, suicidal catholic. She wants to die, but believes wholeheartedly that she will go to hell if she kills herself. Instead, she’s taken up the most dangerous life she could imagine, and hopefully she’ll get killed along the way. Although, much to her frustration, it hasn’t happened yet. Of course, she always pursues targets which she deems somehow sinful, so she can tell herself she’s acting as an instrument of god’s will, rather than just a murderer.
90. Anthony Caldwell: A doe eyed, green horned, bushy tailed farm boy who has no business being out here doing this nonsense. But as it happens, he’s either got a phenomenal natural talent for it, or he’s just lucky as heck.
91. Prue Jirard: A puppet, brought to life as an ironic consequence of someone’s poorly considered wish. Feels as though she has no place within society. She puts on a show of being angry and superior, but really she just wants to be loved. 
92. Timothy Brentwood: Big Jon Jeffy, a notorious outlaw, disappeared without a trace. This was a problem for the local elites, who had spent years covering up their own inadequacies by shifting the people’s focus onto their relentless hunt for Big Jon. Hoping to win some popularity with the mob, they hired Timothy Brentwood, an actor who bore a striking resemblance to Big Jon, to play the role during a mock trial. The plan was that he’d be found guilty, sentenced to a life of hard toil in the silver mines, then quietly released once no one was looking for him any longer. Unfortunately, the plan went awry when Big Jon’s old gang busted Timothy Brentwood out of prison. They think they’ve got Big Jon back, and Timothy is just trying to find out how he can get out of this crazy mess alive.
93. Jimmy Silver: A jolly fat man who uses the most creative profanity you’ve ever heard. Frequently disguises himself as a beggar so he can bum around towns, listening for information about any juicy scores that might be worth his time.
94. Kylie Kallgren: A lumberjane with a foul temper. One day, whilst chopping down a tree, a group of wealthy merchants walked by and treated her the way wealthy assholes tend to treat lumber-folk. So she chopped em’ up, threw the bits in the river, and took their stuff. Then she realized that a woman who knows how to swing an axe could make a lot more money killin’ folk than they could choppin’ trees.
95. Elias Lindsey: A heretical nun, who had a dream that Jesus was a many-tentacled sea creature wearing a man-suit full of water. She’s spread her foul belief to a whole congregation of followers. The Church wants the whole lot of them executed, so they are forced to kill and steal to survive. It’s alright though, because Squid Jesus says the 6th commandment was a typo.
96. Leisle Mondego: Commander of a local garrison of soldiers. Those soldiers who were forcibly enlisted as punishment for some crime are inducted into her band. If they refuse, they’re executed for ‘desertion.’) She always makes sure to allocate the rest of her forces so nobody is near enough to catch her or her band while they’re in the act.
97. Daven Schumaker: A mystic who relies on tarot cards to decide when and where to lead his band.
98. Viktor Hassendorf: A cyberpunk hacker who made some mistakes while attempting to hack a time machine. He got trapped in the past, where none of his technological skills are of any use to him at all. All he’s got is a few combat augmentations, and a healthy disrespect for the integrity of the timeline.
99. Nathan Weeks: A human with a particular form of dwarfism that not only prevents them from growing taller, but also prevents them from physically maturing in other ways. To whit, despite being 38, Nathan doesn’t look a day older than 11.
100. Daisy Mills: A woman with multiple personality disorder. Roll on this table several times to determine what her personalities are.

Money may not always be sufficient for the goods or services that the players want. Extraordinary desires can only be satisfied by extraordinary payments.

Not every payment here will be suitable for every situation, so feel free to re-roll if the payment doesn’t fit your needs. On the other hand, don’t be afraid to massage your situation a bit to make an interesting payment type work.

Many of the payments listed below can work on several different levels. For example, if the roll indicates that the creditor wants a pig, that can mean a lot of things. They may want any pig, or they may want some specific pig which they are covetous of. They may want a pig of a certain quality, or the may want to force the indebted to experience what it is like to lose a pig, for some unknowable purpose. My point being: none of the payments should be taken simply as they are written. There is room for a bit of creativity with them.

1. The indebted character must surrender a pound of flesh to their creditor. They may opt to take the flesh from anywhere they like, but regardless of where it is taken from, it will likely result in some degree of physical disability, determined by the referee. A chunk from a leg might result in slower movement speeds, a chunk from the torso might lower constitution, etc.
2. The creditor requires the indebted’s soul. The consequences of soul loss must be determined by the referee. A reduced, or no response to clerical magics, a certainty of an unpleasant afterlife, a reduced ability to resist mind-affecting magics…many things might be said to be possible only through the benefit of a soul.
3. The creditor requires a soul. It does not need to be any particular soul. In most cases, souls must be offered willingly, and the indebted may find themselves offering faustian bargains to others. The referee may also allow some means of forcibly extracting or binding a soul for this purpose. Souls can also be purchased from creatures of the lower planes, though these do not come cheap. Nor will their cost be measured in currency.
4. The indebted must surrender one of their fingers. Assuming it’s the first one, they can probably get away with just one of their pinkies. There’s no penalty for that! Eventually, though, missing fingers start to add up.
5. The indebted must endure the removal of one of their eyes as payment. They take a significant penalty to making ranged attacks.
6. The indebted must be scalped. The process is immensely painful, and a severe shock to the system, reducing the indebted to a mere 1d4 hit points. Their hair never really grows back properly.
7. 1d4 pints of the indebted’s blood are required. A loss of 1 may be fairly negligible. 2 will be a severe shock to the system. Any more than that will reduce the indebted to 1 hit point, and they will be unable to adventure for 3 or 4 weeks.
8. The indebted must provide a sample of their reproductive legacy: either an egg, or some of their semen. (In the former case, some means of extraction will need to be provided). Presumably, whomever wants this has a way of making use of it.
9. The indebted must seek out and retrieve a particular rare plant, which is an essential ingredient in some recipe their creditor wishes to prepare.
10. The indebted must surrender one of their secrets. Incidental secrets will not do. They cannot reveal their mother’s maiden name, or any other fact which is not known simply because no one cares to know it. The secret provided must be something which would be damaging to the indebted if it became known. One example would be a shameful thing that would ruin the character’s reputation. (Players may opt to create a shameful backstory detail for their character if they wish). Another option is something which the character benefits from exclusive knowledge of: such as a spell or technique, the hiding place of a treasure horde, or even a piece of blackmail the character is using against an NPC.
11. The indebted must subject themselves to torture, and allow the creditor to extract their suffering from them via a strange apparatus.
12. The creditor has fallen in love with a particular person, who does not love them back. The indebted must make that person fall in love with their creditor. Or, if all else fails, kidnap that person and bring them to the creditor, who will hold them hostage until Stockholm syndrome sets in.
13. The indebted must surrender a loved one to their creditor. It’s unclear what happens to this loved one, they may be killed, or enslaved, or experimented on, but regardless of the specifics, they will be taken from their normal life and put to some use deemed appropriate by the creditor. In this instance, not just any person will do. It must be someone the indebted cares deeply about. The creditor may have a means by which to verify this.
14. The creditor wishes to be paid in slaves. They may come from anywhere, but must be of good quality: strong, attractive, capable, and able to understand a language the creditor speaks. Not so young or so old as to be useless.
15. The indebted must betray an existing trust, perhaps with a friendly NPC, or a member of the party. There may, or may not be a specific sort of betrayal required, but in either case it must be significant enough to destroy the indebted’s relationship with that person.
16. The indebted must violate some vow which they had previously taken upon themselves. The vow may be religious, contractual, filial, et al. If the character is not currently subject to such a vow, they may be given the opportunity to go make a vow.
17. The indebted must gain the trust of a person specified by their creditor. Once they’ve successfully become close with that person, they are obligated to betray them in some specific manner.
18. The indebted must relinquish their right to seek justice for some wrongdoing. This may be a past wrongdoing–such as the murder of the character’s mother which has driven them to adventure–or it may be a future wrongdoing, anticipated by their creditor. In either case, the indebted cannot pursue either legal or vigilante justice for that specific wrong.
19. The creditor wants the indebted’s voice. Obviously, once it is taken, the indebted will be unable to speak. Furthermore, the creditor may use their acquired voice in any number of ways.
20. The Indebted must surrender their first born child. If they already have children, this must be done immediately. If they do not, they may or may not be expected to make an immediate effort to produce a child.
21. At a future time of the creditor’s choosing, the indebted will be require to take no action. Most likely, the inaction of the indebted will cause some preventable ill to occur.
22. Credit for one of the indebted’s accomplishments must instead be given to the creditor. It may be a past or a future accomplishment, and the transfer of credit may be either mundane (It was not I who slew the dragon. It was Dave!), or it may be magical (Everybody just remembers that it was Dave who slew the dragon the whole time).
23. The indebted must surrender all of their weapons to the creditor. It does not matter whether they are special or not, so long as it is every weapon the indebted currently has access to.
24. The creditor demands a vow of of nonviolence from the indebted, which will last for 1d4 (1-2. Days, 3-5. Weeks, 6. Months).
25. The indebted must perform an assassination against a target of the creditor’s choosing.
26. The indebted must agree to become the template for a clone, or group of clones, which will serve the will of their creditor.
27. The creditor wishes to implant a device in the indebted’s eyes. This device will allow the creditor to record and review anything that the eyes see, for the rest of the indebted’s life.
28. The creditor requires a new color. This may be as simple as procuring a rare kind of paint, or it may entail visiting other realities where colors exist which remain unimagined by mortal mind.
29. The debt cannot be resolved until the indebted produces a new kind of music for their creditor. It must be wholly original to the creditor’s experience, which may be more or less difficult depending on the creditor’s musical experience. For some fat king who never leaves his hall, this may be as simple as bringing them folk music, archaic forms of music, or music from a far off land. For more musically experienced creditors, the indebted may need to invent Rock & Roll or something.
30. The indebted must produce the solution to some mathematical problem. Unless the character is unusually skilled with math, it’s unlikely they will be able to find the solution simply by solving the problem themselves. They will either need to embark on a great mathematical study (Treat as a Math skill starting at 0-in-6, with 1 attempt allowed each time a new point is put into the skill), or they must find someone capable of the task to do it for them.
31. The indebted must make a vow to uphold some noble ideal (Honesty, Justice, Chivalry, etc.)
32. The indebted must make a vow to always subvert some noble ideal (Honesty, Justice, Chivalry, etc.)
33. The creditor wants a spell. If the indebted is a spellcaster, they can simply allow their creditor to copy down one of theirs. If they are not a spellcaster, they will need to acquire a spell elsewhere.
34. The indebted must sacrifice the lives of one of their companions. They may choose who, so long as it is someone who is currently traveling with them. If needed, they must be willing to assist their creditor in the murder.
35. The creditor wants the storytelling rights to the indebted’s life. Shortly after this deal is struck, population centers will begin to be flooded with dimestore novels about the indebted’s various experiences and adventures. Enough about the particulars will be changed that no one will believe the Indebted if they try to point this out. If the indebted attempts to share any of their own experiences outside of intimate conversation, they will promptly be sued for infringing on their creditor’s intellectual property.
36. The indebted must become a thrall to their creditor. The next time they would gain a level in their class, they instead gain a level in the Thrall of [Creditor] class. They gain 1d4 hit points, and must work exclusively to further their creditor’s will until they gain enough money to level up again. Since they will not be paid for their work as a thrall, they will need to hoard money in secret in order to level.
37. The indebted must provide their creditor with hostages, to be held in security against any future reneging on the agreement between the two.
38. The indebted must serve as a human subject for some experiment their creditor wishes to perform.
39. The creditor is currently suffering under a curse, which can only be alleviated if someone (the indebted) accepts that same curse onto themselves.
40. The indebted must trade bodies with their creditor.
41. The indebted must trade some of their life, rapidly aging a few years in order to keep their creditor young.
42. The indebted must surrender one of their senses: (1: Sight, 2: Smell, 3: Hearing, 4: Taste). Once lost, the indebted will no longer be able to perform any actions which require this sense. If their lost ability is restored to them, it will be taken back from whomever is using it, and the indebted will be considered a thief. (Though there may be some way to gain a new sense).
43. The creditor requires the indebted’s essence! The referee should roll the creditor’s ability scores if they haven’t. Compare these to the scores of the indebted. Randomly pick one score which the creditor has which is lower than the one the indebted has. The creditor wants to switch that score. If the indebted doesn’t have any higher scores, then they have nothing of value to offer the creditor, and cannot do business with them.
44. The creditor demands some large number of foreskins, collected by the indebted. (Don’t look at me, this shit’s biblical. First Samuel, 18:25).
45. The indebted must provide a boxed sample of their feces to their creditor. It’s unclear what they do with it, but apparently the indebted got off pretty easily. (Alright…I can’t blame the bible for this one.)
46. The indebted must carry a message on their creditor’s behalf. The journey will not be easy, and should require at least a little adventuring. If the referee wants to rub a little salt in the wound, the message can be something completely trivial.
47. The creditor requires a large amount of some specific trade good–flour, sugar, copper, lumber, etc. They will not accept the money required to buy what they need. They want it personally delivered by the indebted.
48. The creditor requires a large delivery of military equipment. Armor, shields, weapons, enough to outfit a small army at least. They may even require experienced soldiers who can drill up new recruits.
49. The indebted must deliver a massive quantity of foodstuffs. Quality and variety may vary, depending on the creditor’s requirements. There must be enough to feed a group all through the winter and summer.
50. The indebted must deliver a map of an area which has not yet been explored, or which is kept secret.
51. The indebted must never return to some place, ever again. This may be the town or country they are currently in, or some other place: their homeland, the territory of their creditor’s enemies or rivals, the territory of their creditor’s friends, etc.
52. The indebted must accept the blame for something which is not their fault, allowing themselves to be scapegoated.
53. The indebted must accept responsibility for some child, raising them as if they were the indebted’s own kin.
54. The creditor will only accept the currency of some ancient civilization, which has not existed for eons.
55. The indebted must give up their name. In doing so, any possible connection between their person and that name will be cosmically severed. Any legal documents which reference the indebted–such as deeds or contracts–will be rendered void. The indebted will also lose any reputation they had, as they can no longer be associated with what people have heard about them. They may choose a new name for themselves if they wish.
56. The indebted must give up their ability to walk. Their legs will be sturdy enough to stand on, but the moment they try to move, they will collapse onto the ground.
57. The creditor demands a poem, written and performed by the player.
58. The indebted must vow to perform some great deed in their creditor’s name, eschewing any glory they might win for themselves on that occasion.
59. The creditor must have an accurate prediction of the future. If the players are clever, they may say something like “the sun will rise tomorrow.” Barring some apocalyptic issue, this sort of answer will be acceptable to the creditor. Players may also attempt to find a reliable fortune teller, which can accomplish the same thing. If the prediction the indebted provides does not come true, their creditor will become angry, and put a price on their head.
60. The indebted must provide their creditor with a certain value worth of items suitable for a magic lab.
61. The indebted must seek out a magic staff for their creditor. It may be a specific staff, a specific type of staff, or just any staff in general.
62. The creditor is a Bonemeister, and only accepts the bones of the indebted as payment. They are an expert at surgically extracting the bones, slicing their creditor open, carefully detaching all of the ligaments, and sewing the incision back up. When they’re done, it will be as if the bones simply teleported out of the indebted’s body, leaving part of them a bit floppy, but otherwise unharmed. Which specific bones the bonemeister requires will be negotiated in advance. The penalties for lacking those bones will be determined by the referee.
63. The creditor want to be killed, and the indebted must do it. The creditor has wanted to die for a long time, but no one has yet been able to do it. When they are in danger, the creditor turns into a fearsome monster.
64. The indebted must willingly agree to have an explosive device implanted into their brains. The creditor is happy to offer their services for free, but only if they can ensure that the indebted is incapable of ever working against them in the future.
65. The creditor wishes to be entertained by a dance, which the player must perform for their group. A vote of the party will determine if the dance was sufficient for whatever purchase is being made.
66. The indebted must seek out a true story or folk myth, and bring a full recounting of it back to their creditor. The creditor will then turn this story into a novel.
67. The indebted must keep a steady watch over their creditor’s home for one night, defending it against the evils which will arise.
68. The indebted must work towards some socially laudable goal within a specified kingdom. Something on the level of establishing gender or racial equality, raising the standard of living for the working class, etc.
69. The creditor recently promised to grant someone’s wish. The indebted is tasked with ensuring that wish does come true.
70. In indebted must make their creditor laugh.
71. The indebted must give up their next critical hit, which will instead be a critical failure. The fortune of the critical hit will be transferred to their creditor.
72. The indebted must provide a chunk of their brain. Not a big chunk, just a bit the size of a peanut. None the less, losing this chunk removes some knowledge from the indebted. Roll 1d6: (1-3. 1d2 Intelligence, 4-5. 1d2 Wisdom, 6. A point from a randomly determined skill.)
73. The creditor wants an irreplaceable family heirloom from the indebted. Any object will do, regardless of value, so long as it is precious to its owner (whomever that may be).
74. The indebted must provide the keys to their home, as well as any future keys which may result from moving or changing locks. The creditor is to have unfettered access to the indebted’s abode.
75. The creditor wants a document, or other item, which would provide them with some kind of dynastic claim.
76. The indebted must provide accurate and detailed information on the tactics of an enemy army, or, diagrams for an enemy stronghold or weapon.
77. The creditor wants a letter of recommendation from the indebted.
78. The indebted must agree to leave a certain location, person, or group alone. They cannot be pestered, regardless of the indebted’s needs.
79. The creditor requires sanctuary from the indebted. They must be allowed to live on the indebted’s lands, and be protected from any and all forces which would threaten them.
80. The indebted must provide a body part from a specific creature which will be difficult to hunt.
81. The creditor wishes to know the location of an upcoming secret meeting. The indebted must find out, and provide it to their creditor, with enough time for the creditor to make arrangements either to spy on, or to ambush the meeting.
82. The creditor demands a marriage take place between their family, and the indebted’s.
83. The indebted must throw a sporting match in which they are favored to win. If they aren’t favored to win in any current sporting matches, they must enter a sport and achieve some note within it before their debt can be paid.
84. The indebted must infiltrate some specified group and ferret out their secrets for the creditor.
85. The indebted must find some way to drum up business for their creditor’s business venture.
86. The indebted must allow their creditor to use their body while they sleep. Each morning, the indebted will awake within 1 mile of where they went to sleep. Sometimes they may have injuries, or be covered in someone else’s blood. They will not know what they did the night before.
87. The creditor will establish some set amount of time. During that period, some or all of the experience points gained by the indebted will instead be gained by the creditor. To determine how much XP the creditor takes, roll 1d4 and multiply it by 25%.
88. The indebted must contract a disease, which their creditor may or may not be able to provide. The creditor wishes to examine the progress of this disease in detail.
89. The indebted must allow their body to host some parasite, which will constantly make suggestions within their brain, and may potentially even be able to influence their actions more directly.
90. The indebted must offer themselves as host to a spirit. While possessed, they will be able to see what their body is doing, but will have no control over it. The possession will last until the spirit has finished what it left undone in life. What that is, is left to the referee to decide.
91. The creditor wants 1d2 limbs from the indebted. They are prepared to safely remove these limbs, which they may attach to themselves, or use for some other insidious purpose. If only 1 limb is required, it may be either an arm or a leg at the referee’s preference. If 2 are required, it will be both one arm, and one leg.
92. Someone the creditor cares about (perhaps even themselves) requires an organ transplant. Something which the body has two of, and which the indebted can live without. Something like a lung, or a bit of liver. The indebted has been determined to be a match for whomever needs this bit of guts, and must undergo the procedure to have it removed.
93. The creditor is facing an issue in their lives, and needs someone to provide them with good advice. Whether the advice is good depends on how well their situation turns out when they follow it.
94. The creditor requires that the indebted make a lifebond with them. Whenever the creditor takes damage, they will be healed by draining vitality from the indebted. Fortunately, the creditor lives a simple life. Anytime the indebted would be healed up to full, they instead are 1d6 – 2 hit points lower than their max.
95. The indebted must donate their body to necromancy. The creditor will place a vile mark upon their body. When they die, the mark will automatically animate their body, which will then move with all haste to the creditor, so that it may be used in necromantic rituals. This prevents the indebted from ever being resurrected if they die.
96. The indebted must perform a sacrilege, offending some certain god against which their creditor has enmity.
97. The indebted must humiliate themselves in some fashion. In some cases this may merely be for the private enjoyment of their creditor. However, in most cases, their humiliation will need to be a public spectacle, severely damaging their reputation.
98. The creditor, or someone whom the creditor likes, is currently due some punishment. The indebted must suffer this punishment in that person’s place. This may mean time spent in the pillory or dungeon, it may be torture, military service, or possibly even death. 
99. The indebted must lie to someone who will trust them, misleading that person into making a bad decision, or thinking an issue has been taken care of when it actually hasn’t.
100. The creditor is in a wonderful mood today, and will forgo any payment from the indebted. The simple act of helping is enough satisfaction for them.

As a closing note, I just want to point out that this is the single most challenging d100 table I’ve ever written. I’ve been tinkering with it on-and-off since early 2016. I don’t know if the time investment paid off, but if you like the amount of work I put into these posts, consider supporting me on Patreon. It goes a long way towards helping my writing along.

(January 6th 2020 Edit): I have of late become increasingly uncomfortable with the way this post was written and presented. So much so that I took it down entirely for a short time, but ultimately decided it would be better to keep it online in a slightly modified form.

I would first like to note that this post was written because the players in my ORWA campaign had decided that eradicating slavery was their primary goal. Many sessions involved the players seeking out slave markets so they could purchase and set free as many people as possible. I made this table to make that process more interesting, and filled it with sad stories that would make my players feel even better about their good deeds. I wish I had included that context from the start. I am further annoyed that I slipped into writing in the second person somewhere around #40. This is a bad habit which consistently plagues my writing, and is particularly egregious here where the ‘you’ in question is a person who is buying human beings. I’m not necessarily opposed to players portraying the sorts of bastards who would own slaves within the fiction of the game space, but it’s not a mode of play I want to glorify. My intent was always to show slavery as a miserable condition by putting faces and personalities to the human beings that were enslaved, but I thoroughly failed to manifest that intent.

Worse yet, much of this post was too brutal, and too real, given its subject matter. In several places I was clearly drawing on stories of real human suffering that I am not equipped to make casual reference to. It’s normal for an artist to look back at their past work and dislike it, but for such a relatively recent post I am shocked by how short of the mark I fell. I have edited out some of the most egregious issues, but for the most part this post will stand as a testament to my own bad judgement.

Not every society your players visit will be enlightened on the subject of slavery.

1. Unduc is a man with an acerbic wit, and no idea of when he ought to shut up, which is why he now finds himself up for sale.
2. Zuttana is cursed. She once interrupted a witch who was mid-coitus with a devil. The witch was furious, and now on every yearly anniversary of her misdeed, she suffers some horrible misfortune. In 18 years, everyone she ever cared for has either died or distanced themselves from her to avoid dying. Two years ago her house burned down. Last year she lost all of her hair. And as of about two weeks ago, she became a slave. She’s a depressed, defeated woman.
3. Dorved Hazlip is a time traveler from something more or less equivalent to England during the industrial revolution. His time machine was flawed, and did not transport itself along with him into the past, so he has no way to get back. In his own time he was a man of significant means and learning, but the only contemporary language he speaks is the slave tongue of the Azuri people. In about 300 years they’ll rise up into a great empire, which is why he learned their language. For now, though, speaking it only marks him out as a slave. Dorved is having a really bad day right now.
4. Otilda was, until recently, personal handmaiden to a noble lady of some repute. About a month ago, Otilda tripped while carrying a serving tray, which struck her mistress in the face hard enough to leave a scar. Otilda had her fingernails pulled out, and was sent to the block to be sold. Despite her disfigurement, Otilda is a skilled attendant.
5. Ulip is a man with skin that is ever so slightly purple in shade. He is a traveler from a far distant land of mystery and wonder. He fell on hard times, was captured, and here he is. He will gladly show his new masters to his homeland, and will spin fanciful tales of the wonders than can be found there. Of course, once there, it would be hard for an outsider to claim ownership over a local.
6. Hilde Ses has trained all of her life to excel in matters of etiquette. After many years serving first as a butler, then majordomo to a lordly family, the final scion of that family passed away. His property was divided among more distant relations, and the distant cousin who came to own Hilde decided they didn’t really need her. Despite being up for sale, Hilde maintains a haughty dignity. She believes in the nobility of servitude, and will obey whomever owns her. However, if purchased by anyone lacking noble character, she will serve only with barely disguised disdain for her owner.
7. Nuzlort was, formerly, the mount of one of the Diminutive Folk. These are a people who stand roughly 6 inches tall. They regard themselves as vastly more intelligent to humans, in part because they have somehow come under the false belief that a certain poisonous root is “human food.” After eating this root for most of his life, Nuzlort is a dull man who understands only simple commands. His tongue hangs out of his mouth, and he cannot use tools, but he is immensely strong, fast, and willing to carry any burden strapped to his body.
8. Cobbie is a charming 122 year old man. Until recently he was working in construction, pushing great massive stones up ramps to build monuments. Somehow, he managed to hide the fact that he wasn’t contributing to the effort for years. The other slaves always covered for him because they enjoyed his company, but everyone’s luck runs out eventually. Cobbie is relentlessly confident that he can perform any task he sets his mind to, but given his age he has some obvious limitations which he refuses to accept. But he’s always quick with a joke, or a really great story from the old days, so it’s hard to dislike the guy.
9. Sorib Lurp is a carpenter whose master is attempting to “flip” him. He was purchased as a toddler, apprenticed to a carpenter friend, and now that he’s got a useful skill his owner hopes to make a profit off of reselling him. Sorib Lurp is resigned to his lot in life.
10. Jenniyak was raised to serve as a nanny / bodyguard for the boyslaves of a distant sultan. Over the years she grew to become a person of great influence at court, at one time even managing to act as a sort of de facto sultan for a few days. But this overreach cost her, and her enemies at court conspired her downfall. The very moment she was out of favor, she suddenly found herself locked in a slave merchant’s cart, heading for the most distant land any of her enemies had ever heard of.

11. Borvie is a six year old boy. He’s not particularly strong, and he gets easily distracted, but at least he’s small enough to fit into tiny places. (Though, he’s actually very scared of tiny places). His mom was sold yesterday, so he’s finally stopped crying, but he hasn’t yet come to grips with the fact that he’s probably never going to see her again.
12. Yannovia is a large woman, powerfully built with a wide face. She has impressive strength, but the real selling point that the auctioneer will harp on is her talent as a masseuses. Reportedly, she was the most frequently requested masseuses at a famous bathhouse which recently burned down, and is selling off some of its assets to help rebuild. In point of fact Yannovia was the third most requested, but the first two were quietly purchased in private deals, and thus the public doesn’t need to know that there was anyone more popular.
13. Ough is a cave woman. Physically no different from modern women, but her first 32 years were spent in the far distant past of 7,500 years ago. While she was swimming in a lake, a giant whirlpool appeared, sucking her beneath the surface of the water. When she finally managed to struggle to the surface, the lake was surrounded by a village that hadn’t been there before. Somehow she had been transported through time. The villagers first tried to help her, but her fear of this new world caused her to react violently. And since no one can understand her, no one knows why she acts like this. The villagers captured her, and not knowing what else to do with someone so volatile, they sold her to the next trade caravan that passed through.
14. Zharbouff is a man with thick body hair, perfectly sculpted muscles, and a meticulously groomed mustache. He is a Dunuski dancer, a style which was recently all the rage among the high courts of the land. The dancing style involves maintaining a very stern expression while slowly stomping the feet in time with heavy drums, then occasionally ‘breaking character’ to frolic on light feet with a gleeful expression. Unfortunately for Zharbouff, Dunuski dancing has fallen out of style, and the market has become flooded with him and other dancers like him.
15. Wendila is a severe woman who wears her hair in looping braids. She has a superb memory, and until recently that talent was employed in service of a politician. For him, she memorized the names and personal details of countless constituents, which she would whisper in his ear as they approached, so he could seem more personable.
16. Vaubul is a smooth young man. Well muscled, handsome, and until very recently, the favorite plaything of a grand lady. And, like any grand lady, this one was involved in numerous feuds and political rivalries. One of her enemies–no less a woman than her own daughter–conspired to get Vabul alone long enough to chop off his dick, which she then had nailed to her mother’s bedposts. Distraught over the loss of her beloved, Vabul’s owner commanded her other slaves to arrange for his sale. She couldn’t bring herself even to see him in his ruined state. Vabul’s only skills are sexual in nature, and he’s currently having a panic attack that he’ll be sent to the mines for hard labor.
17. Ausasca is a woman born with a cleft lip and a single oversized eyeball which had to be removed at birth. Fortunately for her, her parents were were allowed to keep their ‘worthless deformed child,’ provided they gave her a useful skill. Fearing for their daughter’s future, the two worked themselves to death for her. In addition to the work they performed for their owner, they spent every free moment polishing and cleaning instruments for a local group of musicians, who in turn taught Ausasca to play. Her parents are now passed, but their work was not in vain. The young lady is a talented musician, skilled in a variety of instruments.
18. Ostobo is the rarest sort of slave: the sort who enjoys being a slave. If anything, his masters have complained that he enjoys being a slave too much, to the point that it becomes unsettling. He derives an obvious gratification from his lot in life which most masters find unappealing. He goes so far as to insist that he’s done wrong and deserves punishment, even suggesting what sorts of punishments would suit his misdeeds. His suggestions in these regard are often unduly harsh, and almost always strangely specific. When left alone, he is often caught acting like a piece of furniture.
19. Falubius is a victim of the idle rich. Apparently there were a great many drunken arguments in the home, so it was decided to officially designate one of their slaves as a ‘bet settler.’ They went all out in this project, selecting a young boy and hiring special tutors who designed a curriculum with the sole intent of helping him settle bets. Eventually, however, it was decided that the arguments were more fun, and Falubius was sold.
20. Xagut is a well muscled man with with hard features and a brand on his right shoulder. Until losing a recent war, he was a soldier. The brand identifies him as a member of the 18th March of the Kinseird Tyranny. When his unit was routed, he fled along with everyone else. Some of those who fled were cut down by the cavalry coming up behind them. Xagut was lucky. He was merely clapped in irons and claimed as war booty. Within a day he had been sold to one of the merchants among the camp followers, and now he’s here in the heart of his enemy’s homeland. He will be a tough slave to break for whomever purchases him.
21. Iburren Havasa is a stocky woman with a head shaved completely bald in the style of one who has declared themselves a warrior in her homeland of Iss. In Iss, a strict code guides how tribes raid upon, and attack one another. No one with hair on their head may be touched or harmed in any way. Likewise, if one with hair on their head defends themselves or attacks, then all the warriors on both sides of the conflict will turn against them. Iburren shaved her head to join in a supply raid, but was captured. She worked for 2 seasons as a slave of her captor before being sold to an outlander who was passing through the area. She is remarkably proficient with an particular style of heavy sword with an blade that curves inward.
22. Unouk appears to be a man of 22 years. In point of fact he is 38, but he suffers under a frustrating curse. Each morning when he wakes up, his physical age for that day is randomly determined using a d100. On some days he is an impossibly old man, and on others he is a toddler who may not be able to speak, let alone walk. The poor man was purchased several years back by a wizard who required a guinea pig for his explorations into the secrets of long life. One of those experiments caused his current affliction, which makes him useless for further study. The wizard is hoping to recoup at least some of his losses on this sale.
23. Quaestoria is a priestess taken as warbooty from a besieged town. Before being captured she buried the sacred relics of her religion, and is eager to find some opportunity to return so she can dig them up and return them to an appropriate place of reverence.
24. Edgugu is a pale man, with wiry limbs and and a half starved look to him. He spent the majority of his early life living in a massive underground complex built by a progenitor empire, which fell before the dawn of recorded history. The people who lived there fled to escape some catastrophe on the surface many generations before, and despite the horrors they faced in the dungeon, it was a well known fact that whatever awaited them on the surface was worse. Edgugu now wishes he had listened to everyone who had told him he was foolish to venture to the surface, as he was quickly picked up by slavers to be sold. He only wishes he had brought some of those yellow stones everyone on the surface seems to value so much. In the dark place where he comes from, they were as common and useless as pebbles.
25. Petunia was born in an underground human farm, where she was bred for a singular purpose: to one day host a brain parasite. After being born, her parents were killed, chopped up, and their parts kept in stasis in case Petunia ever needed anything replaced. She survived the culling process, in which the constitutionally weaker children were weeded out. She spent a lifetime training her body to provide the best possible vessel, all while she was kept from anything that might strengthen her mind against the creature who would eventually inhabit it. She had reached the age of maturity, and was only waiting for a fresh parasite to be born so it could take up residence in her, when a band of mercenaries under the command of a wizard raided the place for magical components. The wizard wasn’t interested in any of the humans, so Petunia (and several others) were taken by the mercenaries as a bit of extra pay, and sold off at the earliest opportunity. She had no name before this, and “Petunia” was given to her by the auctioneer about 15 minutes ago.
26. Faylana does not have any legs, or feet. She was born without any lower body at all. She ends right at the waist. Her wicked patrician parents were disgusted by her when she was born, and she was left out in the street to die. She was found by a woman who operated a carnival sideshow, and taken in as a performer. Faylana is now 12 years old, and has been performing all of her life.
27. Hustubar is a naked man who appears to be made entirely of muscles. Large metal plates, with spikes on them, have been embedded into his skin. The plates are not very effective in their coverage, however. They cover his scalp, his pectoral muscles, his shoulders, and bits all over his body, but they exist more for show than for protection. Notably, Hustubar’s dick & balls are encased within a round metal box with hinges on it, and a prominent keyhole on the front. Hustubar sold himself into slavery to become a gladiator (a profession much more comfortable than his life as a pauper, but not available to free men.) His modifications are the result of his time at a particularly creative gladiatorial school, and now he’s looking to reap the rewards of his many years of training. He plans to win many fights, so his master will repay him with good food and comfortable living.
28. Porold has never been terribly good at following the rules. When he was 22, he lost his hand as punishment for thievery. He didn’t even steal because he needed it. His family were not affluent, but they were well connected enough that Porold could have had a good life if he’d been willing to work hard. But he wasn’t. Despite his punishment, Porold continued to steal. He managed not to get caught, but it was clear to his family what he was doing. They feared the ruin to their reputation that would be done if their son was caught a second time, and so Porold was disowned, and sold into slavery by his parents.
29. Votaldia was, until very recently, apprenticed to a blacksmith. She performed chores in exchange for room, board, and being taught her master’s craft. Unfortunately for her, her master was lazy, incompetent, and crass. That Votilda is today even a tolerably capable blacksmith is testament to her own strength of character and drive to excel. She was eagerly awaiting the end of her apprenticeship so she could get away from her master. Then the tax man came, and she learned that her master was deep in debt. Further, she learned that she had been put up as collateral the last time he had promised to make his payments. She’s red faced and steaming mad as she stands on the block. She was a mere 7 months away from freedom just a week ago. Now she’s looking at a lifetime of slavery.

30. Tauzdl is a man with long hair, sorted into five braids. He’s lean and muscular, with particularly powerful legs. He’s proud of his record as a message runner. If given an opportunity, he will brag about one time when his master was on campaign, and the horses had all contracted some plague, how he ran for a full day and night to get message to a nearby fort that reinforcements were needed. He’s a particularly obedient slave, hoping to earn freedom someday. Unluckily for him, when his master retired from public life, he no longer needed a message runner, and decided to sell Tauzdl rather than free him.
31. Dubala became the personal attendant for a young man from an impoverished noble house when she was in her 30s. Now in her 50s, but still spry, Dubala watched her ward rise to prominence within the political structure of his homeland, restoring his family name to prominence. He became a general, and waged many campaigns with Dubala by his side. She has become used to commanding a certain respect, for despite being a slave, she was known to speak with the voice of her master. Unfortunately, a recent campaign went disastrously poorly when her master’s political enemies conspired with their own nation’s military enemies to bring down the great general. He is now held as a captive by the king who defeated him, while Dubala and most of his men are being sold.
32. An infant is up for sale, literally just pulled from the womb a few days ago. They don’t have any name yet.
33. Lupoldi is a short man of sleight build. He’s an expert horse rider, who specializes in coaxing the absolute most speed possible from his mount. He was purchased a few years back while the army was out on campaign to serve as a message carrier back to the capitol. Now that the campaign is over, Lupoldi is just one piece of excess equipment that is being sold off to bring down costs.
34. Ceruli has was sold into slavery as a youth, and for many years was deeply resentful of her station in life–as anyone would be. However, when she was 26, Ceruli encountered a stoic philosopher, and began attending his lectures whenever she had the opportunity. The philosophy connected with her, and she came to believe that striving for something other than your current position in life was a source of suffering. That the world would be a better place if each person would simply strive to do their best in whatever place they find themselves. Since then she has become a devoted stoic, and works diligently and dispassionately.
35. Guadur is the son of a woman, and a celestial equine. He has the shape of a man, but his feet are hooves, and he is covered in short, almond fur. He has a tail, two large nostrils, raised ears on top of his head, and an absolutely massive dick. The thing hangs down to his ankles, and despite its size relative to his body, functions without any difficulty. After being stolen from his mother by an unscrupulous circusman, Guadur spent years entertaining people as a freak, before being purchased as a gag gift by one noblewoman for another. He spent a few years floating between the homes of the decadent rich, before becoming old news, and ending up here.
36. Ustevi is 238 years old. Nobody knows how or why he is still alive. He is impossibly thin and frail. His body barely functions, and he must be pushed around in a wheelchair. At most, he can raise his arms to point at things, wiggle his toes, or rasp out words at a frustratingly slow rate. Ustevi has seen a great deal in his life, and could tell such stories that you’d hardly believe. All the same, he’s considered useless, and is being sold very cheaply.
37. Jilutta and Wesdia are conjoined twins. They have a single body (with some redundant organs) and two heads. They’re a novelty, and they know it, so they try to make themselves as interesting as possible. They’re skilled at singing duets, and have composed several original songs which poke fun at themselves. They’ve become quite good at coordinating their arms for tasks like juggling, or using them separately such as to draw two paintings simultaneously.
38. Norumb is a giant at, 6′ 10″ tall. His head has a large chunk missing out of it, like a bite taken out of a gingerbread man. In point of fact, that’s precisely what happened when he was a child, and was rescued from a massive wolf who had dragged him off into the woods. Much of Norumb’s brain is gone. He lacks any manual dexterity, and will drop almost anything put into his hands. He can walk alright, and seems to understand very simple words, but he can’t speak himself, and he often becomes distracted. Many have thought they could make use of him, but so far all of them have become frustrated to the point of selling him eventually. Norumb is very, very cheap.
39. Krustlausiga is an exotic dancer in her mid 80s. It’s a talent she has worked at and perfected since her youth, and it is the only real skill she claims to have. She will do whatever is demanded of her, but will miserably fail at anything that isn’t sexy dancing.
40. Buezdul is a muscular, bald castrati. He still sings quite well, but his voice has deepened enough that he’s not really useful as a singer any longer. He spent some years training in wrestling, and is now advertised as a useful bodyguard.
41. Purlonia cannot speak. As a young child, she was witness to her master murdering a rival, and forced to help him dispose of the body. Afterwords, fearing she might reveal his crime through idle talk, Purlonia’s owner fed her tea made from the Bernului plant, which left her mute.
42. Vuno is a man with fewer years ahead of him than there are behind. Some years back he was infected with a crystalline parasite, which has replaced many of his internal organs. Its growth seems to be halted at this point, but its presence is obvious. His teeth have been pushed out by formations of crystal which have grown to fill his mouth. He struggles to breathe, and would be long dead from starvation if his stomach had not also been replaced by crystals, which radiate from his midsection, absorbing light and converting it into vitality. Vuno cannot speak with words as you and I do, but the crystals do allow him to make his voice heard within the minds of anyone within 1 mile of himself. He cannot receive responses, but he is very useful for passing messages swiftly and secretly.
43. Ammini was turned into an instrument. There is nothing overtly magical about this transformation, but it extends beyond the known practices, or even the theoretical ones, of modern surgery. There are a series of metal pipes inserted into her chest, each terminating within her lungs. A turn knob on her throat closes off her human breathing passage, and transforms the simple rhythms of breathing into an eerie musical performance, which she can manipulate by opening different parts of the many pipes sticking out from her torso. Ammini will insist she has been this way for as long as she remembers, but she says this only to save herself the pain of telling and retelling this story to each new master she is passed to.
44. While the new Lord of a noble house was putting his dead father’s affairs in order, he discovered Luster in his father’s private study. The poor man was wearing a sort of “puppy” outfit, with openings in it that had an obvious sexual intent. The young lord quickly burned the outfit, and other paraphernalia that Luster was only too happy to point out to him. He then made sure that Luster would be sold far, far away from anywhere that his stories might bring shame upon the house he had served.
45. Fiddost is a hawk-nosed woman of middle years. Somehow, despite literally being a slave on an auction block, she has a way of making people feel a little embarrassed by her obvious judgements of them. She is a stylist of the highest degree. She will style your hair, oversee the crafting of your garments, and ensure that you always look impressive. More than that, she manages to do this without following the foppish fancy of passing trends, or by crafting ludicrous fashions that will impede the real work of her masters. The only complain anyone has ever had of her is her intensely unlikable demeanor, which is why she has so frequently found herself on the auction block.
46. Ivott was, until recently, a galley slave. Rather than row the boat, however, Ivott was tasked with keeping tempo for the rowers by slowly beating a drum. It’s simple work, and a cushy job compared to the others available on the ship, but Ivott couldn’t resist the urge to play around a little more with the drums. His musical inclinations led him to perform complex little songs for the rowers, who enjoyed their lives significantly more, and whose rowing got significantly worse. Even after repeated warnings, Ivott would still sneak in his little performances, until the flustered ship’s captain just couldn’t take it anymore, and sold Ivott off at the nearest port. Ivott misses his drums very much, and constantly rapps his fingers on just about anything.
47. Scribe 83 is a woman with the number “83” tattooed in large, black print across her whole face. She was purchased as a child by a woman of meticulous temperament who put her to work as a scribe. In this woman’s estimation, names only served to confuse the more essential information of each slave’s existence, and so all of her names were given a function and a number to use as a name. Scribe 83 served dutifully for 34 years, until pains in her hands developed, preventing her from doing her work. That was yesterday. Today she is up for sale.
48. Obarg was a pirate until a couple weeks ago. The hideout was raided, the ship taken, and all the pirates hauled back to civilization. Kept in chains in the belly of their own ship. Only just a moment ago, the captain and first mate were executed for the education and entertainment of the public. When that was done, the rest of the pirate band were set to be auctioned off. A handful of landowners who owned a mine together purchased them for the deadly job of mining in the deep dark tunnels of the earth, but Obarg was somehow missed in the shuffle and now finds himself up for sale on the general auction block. Once alone with his new master, he will reveal a secret to them: he knows the location of the pirate band’s treasure, and he will exchange that treasure for his freedom. This is all true: as the camp was being raided, Obarg quickly stole the map from the captain’s quarters, and hid it inside of his butt. He’s had nothing else to think about for weeks now, so he knows precisely what his plan is. He’s going to keep this information close to his chest, until he can be relatively assured of his freedom. Only then will he reveal that he has a map, and hand it over. If the situation works out well enough, he may attempt to gather a band of his own to follow the folk who release him, ambush them, and take the treasure for himself.
49. Givabia is a specialist of level 1d4. She was raised under a master who was noble enough to mingle with the aristocracy, but whose family was impoverished enough that he had to get creative about making money. For years, Givabia was his secret weapon, a personal attendant who could scout the place during the day while walking behind him, then return some time later to burgle it, sell off anything distinctive, and bring the coin to her master to reinforce the family finances. Unfortunately, Givabia recently made the mistake of getting caught. She was lucky not to be executed on the spot, but instead was dragged back to her master. With a grimace of disappointment he sent her to the auction block to hide his involvement in the affair. Her bruises are still obvious, and her cracked rib and ankle still untended. She’ll probably have a limp for the rest of her life at this point.
50. Relva spent years as an assistant to a magician. She maintained his curios, cleaned up after his experiments, and alphabetized his tinctures. Recently, there was an explosion in his lab when certain experiments went awry. Relva lost both of her arms and legs in the blast, and swears up and down that there was something more than fire in the blast. Regardless, she’s eager to find ways to make herself useful, though nobody can really think of any good ones, so she’s currently selling for very cheap. Nobody has noticed yet–not even Relva herself–but her years of exposure to the forces of the outer realities has infected her, causing her to radiate a sort of odd force. The fabric of what is usual bends around her, sometimes in barely perceptible ways, but sometimes in quite significant ways.
51. Yvorn is a strapping young man with lean muscles, and flowing blond hair. His skin is smooth, with only a soft down of hair along his arms and legs. He was purchased away from a gladiatorial school before completing his first month of training to serve the amorous desires of a wealthy merchant.
52. Esthuna saw something. Nobody knows what, though, because whoever she saw covered their tracks thoroughly. Her tongue has been removed, and she does not know how to write.
53. Disfij’s voice has dropped an octave, which makes him useless as a singer. He has no other notable skills, and the castration clearly didn’t take.
54. Clofullia is a slender young woman with a talent for cooking, and a litany of allergies which made her previous owners think she was poisoning their food.
55. Vuld is skilled at a peculiar sort of social tactic, wherein he points out holes in the statements and character of everyone his master meets. This allows Vuld’s master to remain aloof and friendly, while Vuld does the dirty work of forcing a person to justify themselves and their promises.
56. Heiam is a massive woman, standing nearly 7′ tall, with powerful muscles, and an almost comically curvaceous figure. She proudly describes herself as a martial instructor, and will list her former students with pride. It is likely that most folks will have heard of at least one or two of them.
57. Godgio is a fat young man whose skin has been permanently tinted gold to facilitate the enigmatic eroticism of his dance. He is surprisingly light on his feet, and skilled at wobbling his folds in ways that first seem amusing, but the longer they continue, the less you’re able to look away.
58. Ustia has reached the age where children call her old, but everyone else knows it’s rude to say for a few years yet. She’s a cook with no great culinary talent. Her skill, rather, is the speed and volume with which she prepares food. Formerly she was employed to work during public festivals, or in military camps.
59. Gondecune is a woman in her late 30s who is well suited to a variety of work, but cannot do anything that requires her to sit. Unfortunately, during her youth, she was trapped in a beseiged building, and the people therein began to starve. The slaves were forced to draw lots, and when Gondecune drew the short straw, her buttocks were removed, cooked, and fed to the folk there. Tragically, it was only then another hour before the seige was finally lifted.

60. Dwinog has spent his whole life carrying things, and he’s become very good at it. It goes beyond mere strength–though his strength is impressive. Dwinog has developed his sense of balance to the degree that he can transport loads on his back that any sensible man would consider too much for one man. Can carry easily twice the load that would normally be allowed of someone even with his strength.
61. Jezzuli Plote is a wiry man, with grey eyes and thick hair, scented with oils and perfumes. He is a skilled masseuse and contortionist, whom the auctioneer promises will help enrich his master’s life through healthy living. He’s also wearing a muzzle, which the auctioneer says is because he has “a barber’s propensity for constant chatter–but it certainly keeps one’s mind active during a nice massage!” In truth, the muzzle is there because Jezzuli has tourettes.
62. Valerian was, until recently, a slave whose only duty was to provide a stool for his master. Either because his master wanted to rest his feet, or because he needed to step up onto some higher surface. Valerian’s master took great delight in constantly humiliating Valerian for some unknown reason–a prior acquaintance, perhaps. Valerian does swear up and down that he is a king, but he speaks with such fervor that he comes off as crazy. Recently, Valerian developed a painful pustule on his back, which seeps puss and smells atrocious. His master could no longer bear the smell of him, and is having him sold off so someone could work him to death or something.
63. Fuluviam frequently tries to escape, and never pays any heed to her master’s commands. Like any such slave, she was sent to the mines to be worked to death, and just like a thousand other slaves, she worked there until she suffered a severe injury. A cave in trapped her leg, and they had to cut it off to pull her out. They judged that she didn’t have much chance of surviving, and even if she did, she was useless now, so they left her to die. But Fuluviam did what she could to stem the flow of blood, and other slaves risked punishment to drag her into the shade, and to bring her water and food. Miraculously, she recovered, and left the mine foreman with the curious problem of figuring out what to do with a one legged slave. Ultimately, he decided to foist the problem onto someone else by just selling her.
64. Ebart is a superb scribe. With tools as primitive as quill and ink he can transcribe words faster than any dictator can speak them. He’s also noted for his skills as a tattooist, though has found very little use for those skills since becoming a slave in the south. Among the northmen, however, his designs were quite popular.
65. Noscheste is a priestess of Servilax, god of servitude. After her ordination, while trying to find the best way to exemplify servitude, Noscheste decided to sell herself into slavery. She banked on the renown of her order to get a bidding war going. She raised a significant sum for herself, which she donated to the church of Servilax, to be used in tending the poor. Since then, she served her master with dutiful vigor, and was recently rewarded with her freedom. She now seeks to repeat the process, and is selling herself once again.
66. Posejus is a faithful of Bulzupont, a forbidden god who promises that someday, all slaves will be free men. Posejus himself is a cleric, of level 1d4. One of his spells is a sort of specialized “command,” which subtly encourages his owner to sell him to the person he indicates. This allows him to moves among as many communities of slaves as he can. He preaches to them, and tends their ailments to the extent that his skills allow.
67. Bisbi is 8. She’s been a slave all her life, and is very good at bringing plates and cups to masters while they eat. She can also feed chickens, scrub floors, and she knows a few songs to sing if someone plays the lute for her.
68. Thurlin has 5 well-muscled arms. There are two on his right side, and three on his left, and all are fully functional. He was born into the service of a man who kept him around as a novelty. Not to mention that he was often much more efficient than a single slave, being able to bring 2.5 times as many plates to the table in a single trip, etc. Unfortunately, Thurlin’s master has fallen upon hard times, and hopes to solve his financial issues by selling Thurlin to someone who will get more use out of his peculiarity. A circus perhaps, or a gladiator school.
69. When you take away a magic user’s oddments, their tomes, their laboratory, their vestments their wands, and all the other trappings of wizardry, they’re very much a regular person. A soldier without arms and armor still knows how to fight, but magic users are like software engineers in a world without computers. Yevisalia has found herself in that unfortunate position. Despite having 1d4 magic user levels, an untimely spacial vortex transported her to this dismal place, and transported all her personal effects to locations unknown. She supposes she ought to consider herself lucky she wasn’t killed, but being discovered naked and unconscious by the side of the road by a slave merchant has not made her very prone to look on the bright side of things.
70. Psalmuk is a corpulent man in heavy chains. A gourmand of the highest caliber, Psalmuk was once jealously coveted by the aristocracy before his furious temperament led him to justly beat his owner to death with a frying pan. The heir of his dead master’s estate thought it a shame to lose such a talented chef. None of the aristocracy would even accept him as a gift after the murder, however, so he’s now here on the general block, selling for a vastly reduced price.
71. Utagum is an armorer, and has spent much of his life hammering out breastplates and helmets for the army. But his true passion is fashion, which he tries to work into his armor at every opportunity, despite repeated commands to stick to the basics. After one too many helms with extraneous horsehair braids, and breastplates with giant spiked nipples, Utagum was sent to the auction block, where you now find him.
72. Relluma is a corpulent woman; slow moving, but strong and capable. An ugly series of scars covers her neck, and cascades from chin to chest, and from shoulder to shoulder. Some years ago she was struck by lightning right in the throat, which left her completely mute. This was particularly tragic, as up to that point her greatest asset was her singing voice.
73. Saltimus was, until recently, owned by a merchant whose wealth dwarfed many of the aristocratic families of the area. Saltimus was never able to adapt well to servitude, and suffered frequent beatings for sloth and disobedience before the frequent threats of being sold at auction finally came to pass. Saltimus is seething with rage over this. If purchased by anyone who seems to have a vagabond’s temprament, he will make an offer. In exchange for manumission, he will use his extensive knowledge of his former master’s residence to assist you in looting the place. He’s happy to let you have a 95% share of the loot, so long as he’s allowed his freedom, enough money to get his life started, and the opportunity to slit his former master’s throat in his sleep.
74. Soaemias is a demure woman of plain features, and a perpetually blank expression. This dull exterior is her disguise for a sharp wit, and a certain ruthlessness. She is not herself a magician, but many years ago she was in thrall to a wizard of some ability. Without any training, Soaemias managed to force an entire spell into her mind. It is a particularly potent spell, which she has kept locked in her thoughts for years now. It presses upon her, forcing other thoughts out of her mind and making her appear dullwitted. She’s waiting for the right opportunity to use it to best effect, and if she encounters a magic user, she will have found it. She will offer to trade the spell for her freedom, and 1000 currency. While the price may seem steep, it is in truth a very small price to pay for a spell as good as this.
75. “Killa-Z” is a woman of 50 years, and a well known gladiatorial legend. Out of over 1000 fights, she lost only 46, and only one of those happened after her first 300. She was most well known for her trick shots with the bow, dancing around her opponents in close quarters and pinning first their feet, then their hands, with arrows. But she was just as talented with short swords, tridents, and staves. Usually, such a successful career would have made her a free woman by now, but her master is particularly greedy. He hopes to sell her off as a sort of “collector’s item,” and the cost for her is exorbitantly high.
76. Drozdare is an educated man, who specializes in the education of children. Like any respectable instructor, he knows that to spare the rod is to spoil the child, and drilled his students harshly in their lessons. He took satisfaction in knowing that the children of his master would grow up wise and temperate, but unfortunately he was completely mistaken about that. When the eldest of his pupils came to maturity and (after the unfortunate passing of his father) assumed control of the estate, his first act as to take vengeance on Drozdare for his many childhood beatings by selling him.
77. Oppia’s mind is a repository of games. She organizes learning games for little children, sporting games for young men and women, and gay amusements for more established folk. She’s an absolute must at any party. Though she’s never gotten very good at making sure her master doesn’t lose too badly. Doubtless this is entirely accidental, and in no way a small revenge for the indignity of slavery.
78. Brushuk claims to be from a city that floats upon the clouds. According to her, she forgot to put on her wings one morning, and when she stepped onto a particularly thin bit of cloud she fell through and plummeted down to earth. She says it hurt quite a bit, and is why she was found unconscious by the slave merchant. If you help her return, she promises to reward whomever frees her with an introduction to the mayor. As outlandish as all of this seems, Brushuk is telling the truth.
79. Lanadabo has spent most of his years working for a shipwright, building ships under the direction of a certified master craftsperson. Recently, an accident crushed his arm, which had to be amputated, making him unfit for his work. Lanadabo paid attention during those years he built ships, and is as competent a shipwright as any. He could easily direct the construction of a ship, if given the chance.
80. Kursom is a gardener of some skill. Though she was never able to make her master’s gardens truly stand out among all the other men of his station, she kept pace with them well enough. Her master had no reason to be displeased, until one of his children mischievously spread a potent toxin across the garden as a jape. The sorry showing of dead plants was blamed on Kursom, and she was sold to make room for a more competent gardener.
81. Blutandi has only been a slave for a short while. Before that she was a street performer who gathered crowds with her witty comments and jokes. Her comedy had an insulting quality to it, but always lighthearted enough that the victim could laugh along with everyone else. Sometimes she ran into somebody who couldn’t take a joke, but that wasn’t a problem. At least, until that someone was the local magistrate of this crummy town. Then it became very much a problem when she was quietly arrested and shipped a few towns over to be sold.
82. Auscunu has been all over the world as the “lovely assistant” of the renowned painter, Vutelek Mukani. Mukani became famous for using the human body as his canvas, and creating transient artwork that took form in front of admirers, and was washed away into nothing at the end of the day. After 10 years of this, however, Mukani decided the art had gotten stale, and it was time to move on. Callously, he sold Auscunu off. “Burning the ships,” as it were, to make sure he could never falter and go back to an easier means of producing art.
83. Norbet is dead, but nobody has noticed yet. He was killed while being experimented on by as physician of dubious credibility, and discarded in a nearby ditch. A few hours later he woke up, still dead, but somehow refusing to act like it, and wandered away in a haze. When a slave merchant happened upon a filthy man in rags who didn’t seem to know where he was or what was going on, he figured it was his lucky day and tossed Norbet in his wagon. In the two days since then, Norbet’s head has cleared up a little, but he’s still not 100% sure what’s going on.
84. Bruland is a highly educated woman, who until recently was the scribe in charge of royal ledgers. Her power over the kingdom’s finances was considerable, to the point that even members of the aristocracy had to make requests of her. She grew bold, lording her power over her oppressors. For awhile, this worked out. The king favored her for her studious and reliable bookkeeping. But as the complaints grew, the king could no longer overlook the indignity Bruland was putting the nobles through, all in his name. As punishment, he has sent her to be sold at auction.
85. Relevisio is in all respects a man, save for the pale green scales which cover every inch of his body. According to him, his mother’s father’s, mother was a lizard person. As only 1/8th lizard person himself, Relevisio lacks their cold blood, excellent night vision,  or incredible strength. He’s just a dude with scales.
86. Saraken isn’t really a woman. She’s an anthropological device dropped onto our planet by aliens. She will walk, talk, and act like a human to the best of her adaptive program’s ability to simulate. Even surface level cuts will not reveal her artificial nature, and she would need to be completely dismembered to notice irregularities. Everything she sees and experiences is being recorded, and in a few years the aliens will return to retrieve her, and examine the recordings.
87. Pularch’s master enjoyed his appearance, and wanted Pularch to become a dancer. He was apprenticed to another slave, who discovered that Pularch had two left feet. The man was incapable of learning how to dance. But their master only doubled down, insisting on more lessons, harsher consequences for failure, ever more lavish promises of reward for success. Only after years did he grow tired of the attempt. After so much strife, Pularch’s appearance had become nothing but a source of frustration, and he decided to have Pularch sold.
88. Undaha was the high priestess of the cult of Guraka, the queen of murder. She was well favored by her goddess. A powerful woman who very nearly orchestrated the mass sacrifice of an entire village before she was stopped by a band of adventurers. For her failure her goddess stripped her of all her powers, and further weakened her, reducing all of her ability scores to 4. A broken woman Undaha was sold into slavery by the men and women who defeated her, looking to squeeze as much coin as they could out of the venture.
89. Yombull is still a young man. He holds himself erect, with a false assuredness that this is merely a setback in his fortunes. By rights, he is king of a far off land, captured by foes while “subtly” carousing through their lands. He fully intends to heroically slay whomever becomes his master and escape at the earliest opportunity. In truth, Yombull is a dull witted young man, with a weak will and an over-inflated sense of self importance. He will break quite easily.
90. Esri tells a story of a childhood trauma. She claims that she was sent into the woods to gather berries, ran afoul of a witch, and was cursed to be forever clumsy and dull witted. This is why she fails at every single task that is ever set for her. In truth, her clumsiness is an act of protest. She’s actually a clever and capable young woman, making a concerted effort to be as useless as she possibly can be to her oppressors.
91. Garbo was a wealthy slave trader, once upon a time. Frequently he stood on this very block, harping on the values of this human or that, looking for the best price he could get to sell them into a lifetime of forced labor. Many people in the crowd will recognize him, and there are more than a few chuckles happening at his expense. Two months ago, an anti-slavery freedom fighting organization raided his caravan, and freed all the slaves he was taking to market. They then sold Garbo to his creditors to pay for a fraction of his own debts. Now, here he is.
92. Hortemun is an acrobat and gymnist. She can contort her body into seemingly impossible knots, and her balance is positively superhuman. Unfortunately, her exceedingly fine talents in these areas apparently come at the expense of her luck at the gambling tables. She’s been racking up debts for years, and when a wealthy foe of hers caught wind, he bought up all of her debt, and demanded immediate remittance. When she could not, he had her seized, and sent to the block for auction.
93. Blukaluk is a con artist, working on his biggest con yet. Everything is in place: his mark is in the crowd. He knows exactly what sort of slaves his mark tends to buy, and was chosen out of all the gang because he most closely resembles that type. Once he’s working in the mark’s house, he can scout it out for a few months, then let the rest of the gang in the back door, and lead them directly to all the valuables. The plan is risky, but Blukaluk is desperate for a score. Unfortunately, things are already starting to go wrong. Another member of the gang was supposed to be in the crowd to ‘buy’ him in case it looked like the mark wasn’t going to win the auction, but that gang member was delayed this morning, and isn’t here. Blukaluk is on his own.
94. Cepirio is an elderly and learned sage, who has long passed any youthful ambitions of escaping slavery. She is an expert on the types and movements of birds, on the plant life of the natural world, and in matters of architecture. Further, she has a reasonable understanding of many related topics, which one must understand in order to appreciate the matter of their specialization to its fullest degree. She is willing to place this knowledge at the disposal of any who will give her a bit of warmth and good food for her final few years.
95. Both of Kograg’s hands were replaced with swords as part of a gladiatorial freak show. As an untrained, and unremarkable slave, none had expected Kograg to survive the fight, and now no one knows what to do with him. His performance in the fight was not impressive or pleasing to the crowd, and without hands, he is good for little else. Further, a terrible infection has taken hold on Kograg’s left arm, which fills the air around him with a stench that is impossible to ignore. If not treated, this infection will require him to lose his arm in 2d4 days, and will kill him in 1d6 + 1 weeks.
96. Mertyl’s previous master had a strange prediction for abusing his slaves by overfeeding them. Mertyl was his favorite victim. She was barely allowed to do anything other than eat, and eat, and eat. When he died, the executors of his estate wondered as to whether they should just kill Mertyl in the name of mercy, but greed prevailed and they’re attempting to sell her as a strange novelty. She currently weighs 600lb, and has very little mobility whatsoever.
97. Thader is a 34 year old torchbearer. Holding light sources for people is the only thing he’s ever done, so to reinforce his ego, he’s turned it into some kind of art within his mind. He will tell you, without a hint of irony, that “not just anyone can hold a torch,” and could talk for hours about the myriad complicates and techniques and schools of thought (all of which he invented himself) are involved in the noble practice of torchbearing.
98. Vesther is a sort of proto-vaudvillian comedian. She specializes in slapstick comedy and funny noises. She’s being sold because, during a routine, she accidentally poked her owner in the eye.
99. Olate is a torturer, with the sort of strong sadomasochistic streak that separates the dutiful from the truly talented. So seriously does Olate take his work that his previous masters have found him more than willing to torture himself when his masters have found fault with him. The only problem is that he’s altogether too vigorous. He will often go beyond the bounds of his mandate, torturing people for crimes before they have been caught or sentenced by any authority. He has even been known to torture animals for their misdeeds. There is always some offense, and he has never been found to be lying about these, but there’s just no getting him to stop. If told not to torture without given explicit instructions, he will still torture on his own initiative, then he will submit himself to his own tortures as punishment for doing so.
100. Aurelia is a 14 year old girl with a stony face. She obeys quickly and obeys well. She’s almost too good at being a slave. Anyone with a modicum of insight can tell, when they look at her, that she’s always thinking, making plans, imagining new scenarios. In the distant future, epic poems about Aurelia will be familiar to every schoolchild. In those poems, the person who buys her will be a footnote. A minor character in her origin story. But that is the distant future. For now, Aurelia is just a young girl with an 18 in every ability score. Hopefully part of that epic poem won’t be about her killing you.

On January 1st, I had this idea: what if, every day, I posted one entry of a table on twitter? It’s such a minuscule thing that it should be easy to find time for it, and the limitations of twitter would prevent the entries from getting out of hand. The way I figured it, if I kept it up for a month, I could produce a d30 table with barely any effort at all; and by the end of the year I could have 12d30 tables! So every day of this past month, I’ve been tweeting with the hashtag #d30WizardBooks.

1. “On Navigation of, and the Reliability of Perceptions Within, Non-Euclidean Space”
2. “Putting out the Fireball: How to Assert Your Will Without Resorting to Evocations”
3. “Beings of the Outer Planes IX: Demons, Devils, And Determining the Difference.”
4. “Touring the Imbibularium: A Catalogue of All Known Elixirs, Poultices, Potions, and Tinctures.”
5. “Dissection or Vivisection: Why the Moral Outcry of Lesser Minds is Stifling Your Mastery of the Cosmos”
6. “A Hat as Tall as You Deserve: Uses for Extra-Dimensional Spaces in Fashion”
7. “On the Relative Benefits of Living, Unliving, Monstrous and Constructed Minions”
8. “Ditching the Love Potion: How to Use Charm Spells to Improve Your Sex Life.”
9. “Going Where Only Gods Have Been Before: Creating New Life in Your Vats to Improve Your Sex Life.”
10. “Check Your Beard: A Practical Guide to Avoiding Otherworldly Parasites While Traveling the Cosmos.”
11. “Free Labor: A Guide to Selecting the Right Candidate for Apprenticeship”
12. “Rare Spell Components and Where to Find Them.”
13. “Shaming The Petty Gods Who Scorn You: A Study in Emulating Clerical Magics”
14. “Correctly Conjugating Conjurations: A Coda for those Circumspect of Catastrophe”
15. “Accurately Articulating Abjurations: Acquiring an Appropriate Accent”
16. “How to Make Servitors & Influence People.”
17. “How to Keep Insects Away from your Apparatuses to Prevent Unwanted Abominations”
18. “Prolix Prose. Obfuscating Spellcasting Vocalizations by Employing A Needlessly Arcane Lexicon”
19. “A Brief Study in the Practice of Law for Those Who Intend to Deal with Devils”
20. “Ditch the Ball! Cubes, Pyramids, Spirals, and Other Amusing Shapes for Flaming Evocation”
21. “Who Needs Resurrections? 300 Necromancy Spells to Put Clerics to Shame”
22. “When You’ve got More Spell Slots than Enemies to Crush: 1000 Little Spells to Enhance your Life.”
23. “Finding your Familiar: Contrasting the Benefits of Ravens, Felines, Toads, Salamanders, and Other Common Choices.”
24. “When Devils Won’t Deal: How to Trick Celestial Beings”
25. “Dumbing it Down for the Meat-Shields: A Primer for Engaging in Pleasant Conversation with your Adventuring Companions.”
26. “Choosing the Material that’s Right for YOUR Golem.”
27. “Stars, Moons, & Other Shapes That Will Never Go Out of Style”
28. “Half the Storage Costs, All the Soul: Using Halfling Sacrifices for your Dark Rituals”
29. “A Practical Guide to Time Manipulation.” Written by: “You, Twenty Years from Now.”
30. “Dealing with Anti-Magic Fields: Martial Arts for a Wizardly Physique.”

As it turns out, the process is kind of a bummer. Spreading the creative work out over such a large period of time actually made it more difficult to come up with individual table entries. It just took too much time to get into the right headspace each day. Then it was always a struggle to come up with something fresh, without accidentally repeating an idea I’d forgotten about because I wrote it weeks previously. It was also difficult to avoid just making jokes, which is pretty much what I ended up doing.

I’m dubious as to whether I want to continue this project. The first month was certainly a failed experiment in my view, but I do have some thoughts on how to improve the experience. Moving the daily posting over to Google+, where there are more cool people than there are on twitter might help. It could also be fun to just embrace the comedic nature of the thing and go with full-on joke themes in the future.

Anyway, enjoy your bonus post! I’ll get back to discussing Cleric magic on Sunday.

During last year’s Secret Santicore, I was asked to come up for uses that Dwarves might have for their beards. (Beyond simply being super stylish). Nearly a year after the fact, my entry just popped up on the Santicore blog, and I thought I’d share it here.

Dear Santicore,

Dwarves’ beards: what are they for? A serious question. I would like a table of useful spelunking skills which a dwarf might be trained to accomplish using only their beard. Ideally starting dwarven characters would be able to roll up one bonus skill on it. Thank you!

— F.W.

For centuries, the dwarves of the Copper Keep have practiced the art of Beardcraft. When a young dwarf’s chin hairs first reach 6” (usually around 8 months), they are presented to the Beardmasters. These bearers of beardly secrets study every aspect of the child’s whiskers: from texture, to thickness, to curl, to pull-strength, and even color. From this, they determine which style the child’s beard is best suited to. The process of treating and grooming the beard is begun immediately, and the young dwarf grows up learning how to maintain and style their beard. Only recently has this practice begun to spread out from the Copper Keep, as a new generation of Beardmasters travel to other dwarven strongholds to share their dignified craft.

1. Rope Beard: In a private ritual each nameday, the dwarf carefully trims their beard from everywhere but their chin. This hair is then treated and braided into the chin hair, lengthening it. The resulting rope is 1’ long for every 2 years of the Dwarf’s life. It is normally worn draped around the dwarf’s shoulders like a scarf. It does not count against the dwarf’s encumbrance limit.

2. Food Catching Beard: The dwarf’s whiskers cling to every crumb of bread, string of meat, and dab of sauce that doesn’t make it into the dwarf’s mouth. At the end of the day, a good shake produces a tidy little pile of edibles ready for consumption. Any rations that the the dwarf purchases will last 50% longer than they normally would.

3. Junk Beard: A messy, unkempt kind of beard often adopted by dwarfs who consistently fail to maintain a more refined style. It is used to store a variety of small, occasionally useful doo-dads. By rummaging through their beard for 1 minute, the dwarf has a 2-in- 6 chance of producing any mundane object of small size and negligible value that they’re looking for: a pair of shears, a spool of twine, a chisel, etc.

4. Disarming Beard: A tangled mesh of wiry hair, slightly sticky to the touch, and tough as strands of steel. When the dwarf is the target of a critical fumble, the fumbler must save versus Paralysis or their weapon becomes caught in the dwarf’s beard. With a practiced jerk of the head, the dwarf can easily send the captured weapon flying away, safely out of reach.

5. Grappling Beard: A soft, voluminous beard, woven into dozens of large loops. With a deft tug of the chin, the dwarf can wrap these loops around an opponent and tighten them. Such dwarfs are skilled wrestlers, using their beards to get a grip on arms or necks. The character grapples as though they are one level higher than they are.

6. Climbing Beard: A tightly braided beard, wrapped around the body as a simple harness. Hooks and spikes dangle from strands of hair in easy reach of hands and feet. Dwarfs with such a beard receive +1 to any climbing related checks.

7. Falling Beard: Soft hair woven into a kind of checkerboard quilt shape, adorned with bits of cloth. Often these are scraps of old clothing donated by friends and loved ones. If the dwarf ever falls from a significant height, their beard will open up like a parachute, and the fall should be treated as though it were 10’ shorter than it actually was. If for some reason the dwarf wishes to fall at full speed, they must make a conscious effort to do so by holding their beard down as they fall.

8. Bramble Beard: A massive bristly bush of hair spreading in every direction, leaving only a few facial features visible. Best suited to dwarfs who are short, even by their race’s diminutive standard. By simply squatting down and squinting their eyes, a Bramble Bearded dwarf becomes nearly indistinguishable from a common tumbleweed.

9. Beard of Lights: A curly beard, with dozens of small upturned strands treated with oil and wax. A Beard of Lights is often chosen for those whose beard grows more quickly than is easily manageable. The upturned tips can be lit, and the fully lit beard serves as a light source equivalent to a torch for up to 6 hours a day.

10. Stonesense Beard: Sometimes mistaken for magic, the Stonesense Beard requires a dwarf of extreme patience and focus to master properly. By pressing their face to a stone surface, the Dwarf can slowly wriggle their beard hairs into the imperceptible cracks and channels in the stone by precisely vibrating their body. The process takes an hour of intense concentration before the beard is fully in place. Once the process is complete, the dwarf can feel even the most minute vibrations traveling through the stone. They can describe any room adjacent to the stone surface they’re connected to, including any creatures or treasure within those chambers.

When the dwarf wishes to extract themselves, they may either spend 10 quiet minutes delicately vibrating their body in reverse, or they may simply tear themselves free of the stone, loudly crumbling it, and leaving a crater roughly 3’x3’x1’ in the surface.

11. Nesting Beard: A wispy funnel of a beard, shaped and scented to be an attractive nest for a particular animal. There are four common animals that these beards are typically made for, based on how the dwarf’s own natural musk resonates with the required scent. Roll to determine which creature nests in your beard:

i. A canary. Will usually remain quiet, but will tweet in a wild panic if there is poison gas in the room. These canaries are particularly sensitive, and can even detect poison gasses that have not yet been released into the air.

ii. A squirrel. A helpful creature that will happily retrieve any small, squirrel-sized objects the dwarf can point to within their line of sight.

iii. A carrier pigeon. Can be sent to any location the dwarf has personally visited within 1 week’s travel distance. It takes 1d8 hours for the pigeon to reach its destination, and the same amount of time to return.

iv. A beaver. Can be directed by the dwarf to gnaw small holes in wooden objects, chew through ropes, etc.

12. Smoking Beard: A wild cascade of hair, meticulously groomed to appear untamed and ferocious. The whole thing is oiled and treated with incense. When the tips of the beard are lit they produce very little light, but a great deal of black, foul-smelling smoke. The smoking beard creates a hellish image of the dwarf, and any foe fighting them takes a penalty of one on their morale checks so long as the beard is lit. There is no limit to how often or long the beard may be lit, but there are natural consequences for being the source of so much smoke.

13. Beard Sack: Easily mistaken for any common dwarf beard, the Beard Sack is a layered style, with a loose outer layer obscuring a tightly woven satchel hidden beneath, with its opening just under the dwarf’s chin. This storage space grants one additional point of encumbrance ability for the dwarf, and anything stored within is considered hidden. Only a thorough search will reveal these hidden items. Such a search would be deeply offensive to any dwarf, and in respectable communities such poor treatment by the authorities may cause civil unrest.

14. Poison Straining Beard: Thick whiskers hang down over the dwarf’s lips, treated with cleansing tinctures. The dwarf can sip any substance safely, and determine with a few smacks of their lips whether it is poison or not. If it is poison, the dwarf can describe the poison’s effects in perfect detail.

15. Bestial Kinship Beard: A layered beard, scented with a subtle, gamey musk, and curving back slightly between the knees. Animals perceive the dwarf as a powerful but temperate creature. The dwarf gains a +1 bonus to reaction rolls made with natural creatures.

16. Beard Art: Only the most malleable of beards is suited to beard art. It is a rare gift, much prized by the beardmasters. The hair is treated with gels, and the dwarf is trained in the art of grooming their beard into the most spectacular shapes and sculptures. Such a beard grants a +1 to reaction rolls with anyone who has an appreciation for the finer things.

17. Sifting Beard: A single looping braid, supporting a lattice of sifting strands. The almost impossibly intricate lattice separates objects based on weight and density. It takes 1 minute to sift through a 1’ cube of detritus. The beard will separate the stones from the metals, and the coppers from the gold pieces. The beard must be dry to function properly, and cannot sift through mud or water.

18. Sleeping Beard: The hair is conditioned for maximum softness on one side, and for insulation and water resistance on the other. It can be used as a rudimentary one-dwarf shelter in time of need.

19. Steel Wool Beard: A coarse beard, treated with polishing oils. Any metal treasure with artistic value (such as a fancy sword, jewelry, a gold watch, ancient coins, etc.) has its value increased by 10% after the masterful cleaning and polishing it receives at the hands of a dwarf with a steel wool beard.

20. Utili-Beard: The beard is knotted and tied with four small tools hanging from it. The expert tying of the beard keeps these tools always within arm’s reach, but never in the way. Any one-handed object can be hung from the utili-beard: a hammer, a hacksaw, a sword, etc. The dwarf may switch between these four objects freely, without taking any penalties that might normally be incurred for switching a new object into the character’s hand.

There’s a world of difference between being a mere “Magic User” and being a Wizard. A Magic User has retained their humanity. They’ve learned to force some spells into their brain, but they’ve yet to completely abandon everything of love and decency in the pursuit of greater magical powers.

Being a Wizard takes more than gaining levels in a class. It requires a disregard for decorum, ethics, or even one’s own safety. Any Wizard your party encounters out in the wide world will have the standard accouterments of a Magic User, that is true. But they’ve also made deals with creatures whose mere description could strike a man blind with fear. They’ve subjected their bodies and their souls to experiments no sane person would wish upon their worst enemies. They’ve learned truths mortal man was not meant to know, taken apart their own minds and reassembled them from scratch, and have grown bored with puzzles that lesser men could spend their whole lives deciphering.

There’s more going on there than a d4 hit die and a list of spells.

So if your party encounters a Wizard, roll a few times on this table. Note that all of these are meant to be taken as inherent powers that the Wizard has. Any wizard of such significant experience likely has a number of magical oddments secreted about their person as well.

1. Phenomenal physical strength. This Wizard can hurl great boulders or punch through stone walls with their bare hands.
2. This Wizard’s head is bald, and covered with dozens of eyes. Not only can they see in every direction, but each eye can emit a beam of burning light at whatever it looks at, dealing 1d4 damage.
3. If standing in water of at least waist-depth, the Wizard can suffer no wounds. They draw vitality from the water, and have an effective fast healing of 100.
4. The Wizard’s arms can stretch out, as though they were made of some elastic material. They can reach up to 100′ away from their bodies, bend their arms in any direction they require, and do not lose any of their strength regardless of how far their arm is from their body.
5. Rather than carbon monoxide, this Wizard exhales a poison gas to which they are immune. In the open this effect is mild and not worth mentioning. However, if a character is in an enclosed space with the Wizard for longer than 1d4 rounds, they must begin making a save versus Poison each round. Each failure results in a temporary -1d4 to a random ability score.
6. By manipulating the fabric of time itself, the wizard has managed to create a bubble in which future technology can exist. The Wizard may carry any number of future oddities: a gun, a smartphone, a drone, lightweight bulletproof armor, etc. If the Wizard dies, all this technology will realign with its proper time frame. From our perspective, it will simply disappear.
7. The Wizard cannot die a natural death, and will live until some mortal harm befalls them. They may now have already lived for centuries, or even millennia.
8. The blood of the Wizard has been replaced by a pressurized gas that ignites when it contacts the air. Any puncturing or piercing wound against the wizard will result in a gout of flame. A 30′ cone, dealing damage equal to the Wizard’s remaining health to anyone within its area. Save versus Breath for half damage.
9. The Wizard’s skin cannot be cut by any means, unless they are willing. It may still be bludgeoned, but it will not break. Slashing or piercing weapons deal a greatly reduced amount of damage because of this.
10. Gravity does not appear to affect this Wizard. They drift, keeping near the ground by a mechanism from which they can easily detach if they wish to float freely. They have become skilled at bouncing off of walls, leaping out of range, and otherwise using this affliction to their best advantage.
11. After performing more squats than you could ever fathom in a time-stopped pocket dimension, this Wizard can now leap up to 100′ in the air. Regardless of how high they fall from, they will never suffer any damage from a fall. Even if they were to fall from orbit, assuming they had some way of surviving entry through the atmosphere.
12. The Wizard can cast spells “by ear,” as it were. If they have an empty spell slot of sufficiently high level, and they see a spell cast, then that spell will appear in their empty spell slot. They can cast it as normal, or keep it until later to inscribe into their spellbook without any difficulty.
13. By looking at a person, this Wizard gains an intimate understanding of that person’s religion, probably knowing even more about it than they do. The Wizard often uses this to impersonate deities and prophets. A few hours after losing sight of a person, knowledge of that person’s religion fades.
14. The Wizard is accompanied by a (1. Close Friend, 2. Lover, 3. Devoted Vassal, 4. Magically bonded slave) who is a (1. Minotaur, 2.Succubus, 3. Horned Devil, 4. Giant, 5. Dinosaur, 6. Dragon)
15. The Wizard has absolute mastery-level experience in a completely unrelated career, which they spent decades in prior to pursuing the mystic arts. (1. Sailing, 2. Politics, 3. Fine Arts, 4. Natural Philosophy, 5. History, 6. Engineering, 7. Beast Taming, 8. Metalcrafting)
16. Sleep is completely unnecessary for this Wizard, and they are filled with a nervous energy that makes even their downtime insanely productive. This has allowed them to train a second class without impacting their Wizardly pursuits. They get all the benefits of their second class, which has roughly half the number of levels that they have in the Magic User class. (1. Cleric 2-3. Fighter 4-5. Specialist 6. Something weird. Like one of the custom classes on this site.)
17. The Wizard’s speech has a magical charge, making any command they utter have the force of a Command spell.
18. Magic Missile scrolls are tattooed up and down each of the Wizard’s digits. They are able to cast the spell 10 times per day without expending any of their spell slots on memorizing it.
19. The Wizard has already undergone 99% of the process required to become a lich. Their phylactery already exists, and the only thing left is for them to die. They’re in no hurry to do it, but when they do die, they’ll just be reborn as a lich.
20. The Wizard’s beard is not made of normal hair, but of (1. Tentacles, 2. Snakes, 3. Insectile Legs, 4. Ooze, 5. Fire, 6. Prehensile Hair). There are 1d4 tendrils from here which are long enough to make attacks. If the Wizard is of a feminine persuasion, then instead of a beard this effect sprouts from her (1. Underarms, 2. Bush, 3. she just has a beard anyway, 4. She has this instead of boobs) Under no circumstances may head hair be used.
21. The Wizard is (1. Resistant by half, 2. Immune, 3. Absorbs half, 4. Absorbs fully.) any damage which might reasonably be attributed to (1. Fire, 2. Cold, 3. Acid, 4. Electricity).
22. By suffusing their body with the ectoplasm of numerous spectral infants, the Wizard is able to turn their body incorporeal at will.
23. The Wizard’s appearance is fungible. They can alter it to resemble any human they choose, or create an entirely new appearance for themselves out of scratch.
24. Under numerous aliases, this Wizard controls numerous organizations. Everything from local governments of seemingly unimportant towns, to big city guilds, to organized crime, to mercenary bands.
25. The Wizard exudes pheromones with similar effect to a Charm Person spell. Anyone who can smell them must save.
26. From their sleeve the Wizard can pull any nonmagical, nonspecific object that would fit in a sleeve. So for example, they can pull out a watch to check the time, but cannot pull out a magical watch that stops time, or your father’s watch that you just said you’d pay a fortune to have back.
27. The Wizard has eithera 16′ long prehensile penis that can entangle and compress victims to death; or they have a pair of acid-filled tits which can spray in a 15′ cone at will. Which one the Wizard has is irrespective of their gender.
28. The pores of the Wizard ooze a kind of gooey oil which makes them incredibly slippery. The Wizard uses this to slid around as though on skates, escape any bonds ever put on them, and to swim with incredible speed.
29. Environmental concerns are of no concern to this Wizard. They can breathe under water, self-heat themselves in a blizzard, and self-cool themselves inside a volcano. This safety from the elements includes any magically imposed environments, but does not protect them from area of effect spells.
30. A gem is embeded into the Wizard’s tongue. If they stick out their tongue while standing in a brightly lit area, a prism of color will refract out of the gem. This light eill envelope and contain everything in a 15′ square. The square may be placed anywhere within 20′ of the Wizard’s location.
31. Any (1-2. Man, 3-4. Woman) encountered by the Wizard will instantly fall in love with them. There is no save involved, and they will wish only good things for the Wizard, seeking their approval. Any creature without gender is immune to this effect.
32. The secret of human construction is known to the Wizard. Over the course of about a week, they are able to fully construct an adult human from component elements. These humans are independent, but obviously most of them accept that they owe some notable debt to their creator, and choose to serve the Wizard. Several of these will accompany the Wizard.
33. There are actually 2d2 Wizard’s minds contained within this single body, shared due to some catastrophe while traveling the outer planes. Each of the minds possesses a full spell list, ready to cast. The body can only cast one spell at a time, probably.
34. The Wizard is able to run as fast as a galloping horse, and never tires of their exertion in this regard.
35. The Wizard is able to move objects telekinetically, without any limit on how frequently or how long they can do so. They can move up to (1. 10lb, 2-4. 80lb, 5-6. 200lb), (1. Slowly, but with great precision. 2. Slowly and clumsily, 3-5. With great speed, but still clumsily 6. With great speed and precision)
36. The Wizard’s hands can be detached, and will then animate to act as the Wizard’s servitors, with the ability to fly. New hands will grow on the Wizard’s stumps after about 1 turn. The detached hands will wither and die after 1d6 turns.
37. The Wizard is possessed of Superman-style Super-Breath. Hurricane force winds as cold as a blizzard. They can do this as often as they’re able to get a really deep, satisfying breath. So, at most, every 2d4 rounds, and never if they’re exhausted from heavy physical activity.
38. The Wizard has an Omega Gaze. They may use it once per 10 minute turn, and it will follow its target until it strikes them without fail. The beams deal 2d12 damage, but a save versus Device will reduce the damage by half.
39. A powerful creature owes the Wizard a favor, and will come to their aide when summoned (1. Djinn, 2. Vampire, 3. A titanic intelligent lion 4. An elder dragon.)
40. Like an ioun stone, a tiny door orbits their bodies. At will they may use their hands to pull the door wide enough to step through. It leads into a pocket dimension where they store numerous weapons and treasures. Many of these can easily be removed merely by reaching into the door while it is in its miniaturized state, so that the Wizard is never truly unarmed.
41. Stones speak to the Wizard, and respond to his questions. They cannot act on the Wizard’s behalf, but they know much of what happens around them.
42. The Wizard knows they are in a game, and is annoyed that they’ve accidentally wandered onto the main stage. They know all of the rules of the game, and would like to extricate themselves from the spotlight as soon as possible so they can go back to whatever they do when no one is imagining them. Considers it an insult to speak to characters, and will speak only to players and to the referee directly.
43. For a brief moment the Wizard achieved godhood a few years ago. They were knocked back down to earth by a pantheon unwilling to accept such a pompous little mortal into their midst; but they retained one minor vestige of their divinity (1. Invulnerability to hit point damage, 2. They know everything that more than five people in the world know. 3. The ability to shape their environment to suit their will 4. The ability to un-make anyone who blasphemes them in their presence.)
44. This Wizard has already evolved beyond their physical form, but are still muddling about in their physical bodies. Death would release them to achieve some higher form of existence. Flip a coin to determine if the Wizard knows this.
45. Each time the Wizard says a character’s full name, they gain 1 point of power over that character. This information is kept secret, though players might notice the creepily deliberate way their names are being repeated. At will, the Wizard may activate this power. Each point of power deals 1 point of damage, and if a character is killed in this way, they become an undead servant of the wizard. They fully retain their faculties, but must obey the wizard’s commands as their body slowly rots. The Wizard must know a name before they can speak it, and when spoken, it must be audible to the target in order to count. After a day, if they are unused, points of power fade away.
46. The Wizard may bilocate. While doing so, they exist fully in two different places at once. If one is destroyed, it does not matter, because the other is no less of the whole. When the two instances of the Wizard come together, they may combine, and thus the single Wizard will have lived a pair of simultaneous experiences.
47. Fire obeys the Wizard, and will spread in the direction they indicate. It may also take on shapes, flare, smoke, or smoulder at the Wizard’s behest.
48. The body of the Wizard is like a magical sponge. It draws all mystic energy into itself. While in the presence of this Wizard, no magic items or magic spells will work, save those that the Wizard is channeling their own energies into.
49. The Wizard is posessed of many of the properties of spiders. They are able to spin webs from their fingertips. climb walls, move with great speed and agility, are much strong than they ought to be, and have incredibly accute senses. This Wizard is spider-man, is what I’m saying.
50. No creature can bring itself to act violently against the Wizard, for any reason. If the Wizard acts violently first, then whomever in the area has the strongest save versus Magic may attempt a save. If they succeed, then they can act violently, and whomever has the next weakest save versus Magic may attempt a similar save. So on and so forth, until someone fails a save, at which point no one else may attempt one.
51. This Wizard stands 9′ tall, with the strength and constitution of a weight lifter. They’re an imposing figure, with the maximum hit points that they could possibly have given their level and hit dice.
52. Anybody with any manner of noble pedigree believes they have fond memories of this Wizard. Upon seeing this Wizard for the first time they will remember when the Wizard used to perform little tricks for them, and when they stood up to an angry parent on the noble child’s behalf. These memories will never fade, and The Wizard finds it quite easy to get any favor they need from the upper classes.
53. The name of this Wizard is very powerful. They dare never let anyone know it, for if someone knows their name, they become immune to the Wizard’s magic.
54. This Wizard tricked and slew god’s own messenger. They stole the throat of this semi-divine creature, and now a tinge of blue and white glows beneath the skin of their neck when they speak. Everything they say is completely captivating. Every joke riotously funny, every speech moving, every poem will move an audience to tears. Their words always have the best possible effect that was intended.
55. They have vision which (1. Freezes people in place, 2. Turns people to stone, 3. Turns people into their mind-slaves 4. Switches souls with the target). The effect can be avoided with a save versus Magic. This ability may be used (1. Every round, 2-3. Every 3rd round, 4-6. 1d6 times per day)
56. The Wizard’s feet never touch the ground. They fly everywhere effortlessly.
57. The wizard is able to grow to the size of a titan (20-30′ tall), or to the size of an insect at will.
58. The Wizard is permanently able to speak with (1. Plants 2. Animals 3. All languages of the common races 4. The dead). To the Wizard, being able to speak to these things has become second nature.
59. Every race sees the Wizard as a member of their own race. Be they human, house cat, goblin, dragon, giant, or anything else.
60. This Wizard is able to transform into a (1. Lion, 2. Eagle, 3. Hammerhead Shark 4. Ladybug 5. Iguana 6. King Cobra) at will.
61. This Wizard can transform into a pool of liquid at will. They can move around so long as they are going downhill, or on a more-or-less even surface. The puddle can also shape itself however it chooses. So it can become a thin strand to slid across a tightrope, so long as that tightrope doesn’t go up.
62. Wherever they are, the Wizard always seems to have a fine manse just over the horizon. This manse won’t be there unless the Wizard is approaching or occupying it, however. Each manse is different, filled with fine luxuries, accoutrements, and servants, all of which are real and could potentially be removed from the premises before the manse ceases to exist again.
63. The Wizard can breathe just like a dragon can. Roll to determine the type of dragon their breath emulates: (1. Red, 2. Black, 3. Blue, 4. White, 5. Green, 6. Something really weird).
64. Each morning the Wizard removes a book from under their pillow. The book is always different, describing whatever new challenges the Wizard may face that day. It does not describe what will happen, only what is in the Wizard’s path. The information in these books looks very much like the referee’s notes, and the character sheets of any characters present at the session.
65. This Wizard is permanently invisible, and must wear full-body coverings to appear visible.
66. All (1. Ravens, 2. Frogs, 3. Porcine Creatures, 4. Spiders 5. Human children 6. Moles 7. Chickens 8. Ferrets) will obey the Wizard’s mental commands.
67. The Wizard may travel up to 2 miles with every step they take if they so wish.
68. The Wizard’s saliva is a pleasant narcotic. Their body produces it in perfect amounts to keep them high, and if they want they can spare some spit now and again for other people. They are a really, really good kisser.
69. A serpent of exceeding wisdom lives inside the Wizard’s butt. It tells them things. Amazing things.
70. The Wizard has a low-level mind read active at all times, allowing them to sense the surface thoughts of everyone around them.
71. This Wizard has so many kinds of vision up in their eyes. X-Ray vision. Night vision. Far-vision. Micro-vision. So many visions.
72. This Wizard is currently living through this day for the third time. They can avoid 2d4 mistakes. Anytime the referee feels that the Wizard has made a mistake, they can reverse time to when that mistake was made, and make a different choice.
73. Randomly determine a member of the party. Secretly, the Wizard is that character’s parent.
74. If someone looks into the Wizard’s eyes, they are incapable of telling a lie.
75. The Wizard is an absolute master of seduction, is exceptionally good at sex, and knows how to make just about anybody feel appreciated and respected the morning after as the Wizard takes their leave. There’s nothing magical about this, they’re just a really amazing lay.
76. The Wizard currently carries a magic item of world-altering significance. The sort of thing that might serve as the Mcguffin for a huge adventure. The Wizard had no plans to use this item today, and may never have intended to use it. They might intend only to study it, or even to destroy it, but if the day goes poorly enough for them…
77. Accepting employment contracts from this Wizard is a trap. It places the employee under a nearly unbreakable spell of servitude which can only be broken if the Wizard can be tricked into saying  “eleven.”
78. The Wizard is currently astral-projecting themselves from an unknown location. They’ve been doing so for so long that their spirit has grown a new physical body around itself, and they’ve forgotten where their true body is. If their current body is killed, they will be snapped back to their actual body’s current location. Note that their current body need look nothing like their true body, and they may even be a different age, gender, or species.
79. At will, the Wizard can place themselves, and anyone within 60′, inside of a pocket dimension. This dimension lasts for as long as anyone is inside of it, and looks exactly like whatever area was in a 60′ radius of the Wizard when the pocket was created.
80. 10 tiny polyps grow on the Wizard’s body. If cut off and cast to the ground, these instantly grow into naked, burly warriors ready to defend the Wizard with their lives.
81. The Wizard has adhesive spit. It’s remarkably sticky, instantly hardening, and tough enough to hold the short side of a brick to a wall.
82. The Wizard has acidic urine. They can only use it if they’ve had enough water, but it’ll melt pretty much anything.
83. The Wizard has explosive poop. It detonates roughly 20 seconds after it is excreted, and thus must be thrown quickly to avoid self-harm.
84. The Wizard has a 4-in-6 chance to have the perfect potion for any situation on their belt. These are never general potions, like healing potions or Giant’s Growth potions. These are bizarrely specific. Stuff like “Potion of Manacle Breaking,” “Tincture of odorless farts,”
    and “Shark repellent.”
85. This Wizard has business cards which they hand out to everyone they meet. If anything interesting is said within “earshot” of the card, it appears in a little notebook the Wizard carries, which they read through each morning over coffee.
86. A large portion of this Wizard’s brain has been replaced with a crystalline structure from another world. The crystals are hyper-logical, and view the world through a vastly different lens. The Wizard themselves still displays emotion, as their brain is not completely gone, but the crystals provide them with lightning-fast thinking when processing logic or mathematics, as well as a perfect photographic memory.
87. The Wizard has fused themselves with a water elemental. Their body appears just like any normal example of their race, but objects pass harmlessly through it, leaving only ripples behind. They may move and act with all of the abilities you would expect from a water elemental.
88. With a wave of the hand this Wizard may reinvigorate the life in items made from wood. Any within his presence will begin to grow branches and sprout leaves, becoming unsuitable for whatever purpose they originally had. The Wizard’s own equipment is made of metal, bone, ceramic, etc so as to avoid this becoming an issue.
89. This Wizard cannot be affected by foreign substances. Poisons have no impact, but neither do intoxicants. The Wizard was quite fond of a night of boozy revelry prior to this alteration, and views it as a poor trade.
90. The wizard has rearranged their own internal anatomy. They are immune to critical hits, sneak attacks, and any form of non-magical medicine.
91. Whoever kills this Wizard is actually the one who dies, for when this Wizard is killed, their mind transfers into the body of their killer. The only thing this Wizard really fears is death by accident or old age.
92. If this wizard touches you, your skin will display a black spot. Anyone who sees this spot will know you are marked for death and that no one can be prosecuted for killing you. No judge will convict them, and indeed, they will be entitled to all of your property for doing the world a favor by getting rid of you.
93. At will, this Wizard may ignite their index finger as if it were a sparkler. They can then write and draw in mid air, and the images will not disappear until they snap their fingers.
94. The fey folk once danced for weeks while this Wizard played a jig on the pipes which nearly exhausted them to the point of death. But the fey were satisfied, and as a gift they gave the Wizard tremendous luck. Any rolls made in relation to the Wizard must be rolled twice, and the result more beneficial to the Wizard is taken. This goes for attack and damage rolls made by OR against the Wizard, as well as rolls on random tables, ability or skill checks, and any other kind of roll that might occur.
95. Any body of drinking water which touches this Wizard’s lips is turned to a sweet wine.
96. Any damage dealt to this Wizard by the direct action of an individual is also dealt to that individual. So if you deal 4 points of damage by stabbing this Wizard, you take 4 points of stabbing damage yourself. If, on the other hand, you tie the Wizard to a chair inside of a building, and then light the building on fire, you will take no damage. Just don’t be dumb and push the wizard into the fire once it’s started blazing.
97. This Wizard can control the weather with simple gestures of their hands, guiding the wind to blow in a given direction with a given amount of force, calling down rain or hail, and even bolts of lightning once a storm has really gotten going.
98. This Wizard eight long tentacular arms, ending in normal human hands, growing from their back parallel to their spine.
99. The Wizard has partially fused themselves with a creature they were experimenting on. They’ve taken on some of the physical attributes of this creature, as well as gained some of its talents. (1. Hare, 2. Tortoise, 3. Falcon, 4. Bear, 5. Dog, 6. Iguana.)
100. The Wizard “bounces” as if they are made of rubber in a cartoon. Weapons bounce off of them, they can shoot themselves high into the sky by “cannon balling” at the ground. A fall can never hurt them. They can even attack and deal serious damage by bouncing themselves at an enemy.

As you are now probably well aware, ORWA, is set in a post-apocalypse. Most people in this world are lucky to own anything as technologically advanced as a sword, much less something electronic. They are surrounded by the remnants of a an advanced civilization’s technology, but all of it is useless.

Rarely, though, a piece of technology is mostly intact. It still doesn’t actually work, but with some luck and elbow grease, a technologically savvy PC could make it work. So what technology might be of interest to an adventurer? Here’s a d100 table for tech that I thought might be interesting to see the players make use of in play.

My rule for repairing any of this junk is based on a new skill called Technology. The skill becomes available at a 1-in-6 chance once players join a secretive cabal of technologists. A successful Technology check (requiring one week of game time) grants 1d4 uses of the repaired device before it breaks and needs to be repaired again. Additional Technology checks can be stacked, and each successful check adds 1d4 uses to the device. If a Technology check is failed, the device is completely broken and becomes useless.

1. Autograpple Harness. A belt with back support, and straps around the legs. A pair of cables are launched from each hip to gracefully pull the wearer to the top of any structure as a single move action.
2. A micro drone qudcopter equipped with a camera. Moves relatively quietly, and transmits footage back to a monitor in real time. Too small to carry anything heavier than a pencil.
3. A blender. One of those nice ones that can blend fuckin’ anything.
4. Exoskeletal carrying legs and back support. Allows a character to triple their carrying capacity. Prevents stealth, but otherwise does not hinder movement.
5. A consumer grade 3D printer. Accepts verbal description of objects to be created. The items produced are of a sort of brittle plastic. You’d have a hard time snapping an object in your hands, but it’s still not well suited to heavy duty work.
6. A 4 legged pack robot, the size of a large dog. Capable of carrying a load equivalent to what 4 hirelings could carry.
7. A pair of large goggles, tinted green. When worn they give the wearer a Heads Up Display. A variety of information is shown, including the AC of anyone the character looks at.
8. A handheld scanner which can identify any medical issues and suggest a proper course of treatment after 1 turn of activity. Increases the efficacy of any non-magical healing by 50%.
9. A classic 1980s vintage camero. Neon yellow, covered in dings and dents and missing the passenger side door, but otherwise mostly intact.
10. A deep blue motorcycle in the style of the one from Akira. You’re probably nowhere near as skilled in riding it, but it’s actually in pretty good condition aside from some chipped paint.
11. A nail gun, which someone else has modified with a small compressed air tank. The gun is not a functional weapon, but does allow for deploying nails quickly and quietly.
12. A harness with large, glowing-red plates at several key support points around the body. When activated, these plates generate a personal anti-gravity field, making the wearer act as though they are in a zero G environment.
13. A really fancy Nikon digital camera, complete with monopod and a lens that probably cost more than a car when it was new.
14. A nice, 88-key electric keyboard. Has a number of instrument sounds pre-loaded, including acoustic guitar, grand piano, and harpsichord.
15. A solid body, V-2 style electric guitar. The amp is built into the body, thanks to microamp technologies that will be invented in 2214.
16. An honest-to goodness, Back to the Future-style hoverboard.
17. One of those real-life “hoverboards.” The kind that has wheels, and rotates on an axis between your feet.
18. A laptop PC. Repairing it involves completely reformatting the drive due to data corruption. It’s a reasonably powerful machine, probably meant for gaming. If only you had any of those…
19. A tower PC. It is a low grade machine, but its software and operating system are intact. It may contain valuable information from the pre-apocalypse.
20. A flashlight. A nice heavy one. The handle can be unfolded into a tiny tripod, and the head is hinged so the light can be angled perpendicular to the handle.
21. A standing vacuum cleaner with attached bag. Part of repairing it is strapping a car battery to it for power.
22. A laserjet printer with a built in scanner. Can duplicate any document you feed into it, or print from an attached computer.
23. A Creative Zen brand MP3 player. Filled with terabytes worth of music: (1. Country, 2. Rap, 3. Novelty, 4. Pop, 5. Classic Rock, 6. Nu Metal, 7. Folk, 8. Jazz, 9. Inane Podcasts, 10. Whatever the technologist’s player enjoys.)
24. A Segway.
25. A nice, heavy-duty quadcopter. Can carry a single encumbering item.
26. An Kindle with an advanced X-Ray scanner. When left on top of a book for 1 turn, the Kindle can actually scan each individual page automatically, and digitize the book without ever opening the cover.
27. A magnetic deflector shield which resembles nothing so much as a complete set of sports padding. Helmet, elbows, knees, and palms. When active, it deflects high-velocity metal objects such as swords, arrows, or bullets, granting a +1 to AC. Can be worn in conjunction with other armors, but provides no protection against non-metal attacks.
28. A jetpack.
29. A water purifying filter. Effectively removes any non-magical contaminants, including poison.
30. A full space suit.
31. A military grade gas mask.
32. A handheld synthrope dispenser. The dispenser contains a compressed material which is sprayed out of a tiny nozzle, and solidifies into a rope-like substance on contact with air. Heated sections of the rope become powerfully adhesive, and will remain stuck once they cool. Synthrope dissolves within 6 hours.
33. A telescoping 15′ pole. Can be retracted down to about 2′ in length.
34. A megaphone.
35. A Roomba.
36. A large shoulder-mounted net-cannon, which attaches to the body via a series of padded straps. Cannon works like a T-Shirt cannon, but fires weighted netting up to 30′ away, requiring a save versus Breath to avoid becoming entangled.
37. A clothes washing machine.
38. A clothes drying machine.
39. Augmented Reality goggles, allowing the wearer to experience the world around them in a completely different way. Everyone looks like they’re smiling, the grass is always green, and rampaging monsters look like giant kittens who just want your love and attention.
40. An electron microscope, allowing any object to be examined for even the most minute details.
41. A video game console, with 4-6 games found nearby.
42. Image editing software. When installed onto a computer, can be used to manipulate photographs.
43. Audio editing software. When installed onto a computer, can be used to manipulate recorded audio.
44. A pair of helmets connected by a thick bundle of wires. When activated, two living brains can effectively switch places.
45. A Fing-Longer.
46. A modern police taser. Twin prongs on cables which fires up to 10′. On a successful hit, target is immobilized for 1 turn. Weapon can only be fired once without resetting, and is ineffective against characters with an armor bonus greater than 2.
47. A small device fitted into the ear, which produces sounds by vibrating the muscles around your ear, and sends sound by interpreting your brainwaves. Allows for completely silent audio communication.
48. An RC car.
49. An RC plane.
50. A model rocket.
51. Stealth camouflage. Turns the wearer effectively invisible, with only a slight warping of the space around them possibly revealing their presence. Camo may be damaged by heavy impacts, or by extended exposure to water.
52. A weapon scope which digitally tags any target it passes over. Tagged targets may continue to be tracked even if they pass out of sight. May tag up to 8 individuals at a time.
53. Night vision goggles.
54. Heat vision goggles.
55. X-Ray specs. Functions exactly like real ones don’t. Allows you to see through as much as you want to see through.
56. A hair dryer.
57. A large pod. If a person spends one night sleeping in it, the pod will take samples of their blood, their brainwaves, their appearance, etc. When they leave, the pod will seal up and begin to hum. 1 month later, a clone will emerge. Roll 1d6: 1-2: Horribly disfiguringly mutated, 3-4: Roll 1d4 Metamorphica mutations, 5-6: Identical clone.
58. Electric shears, like those used by a barber.
59. A teleportation pad. Can be made to function perfectly, but only one is ever found at a time. In order to retrieve the other pad, you must use the teleported blindly, being transported to an unknown location. The second pad, having not been repaired, will break the moment your group comes through. It must then be hauled back to base manually for its own repairs.
60. A heating dish, like the one you might have had in your first apartment.
61. A device which emits a high frequency tone when activated. Each instance of this device is set to produce a different kind of tone, each of which has a different effect. 1, Attracts dogs, 2. Attracts bats, 3. Makes anyone who hears it poop, 4.  Makes anyone who hears it irritable and prone to angry outbursts.
62. Rocket Boots. The design of these is poor compared to a proper jetpack. They allow the wearer to move at extremely high velocities, which can make for effective charge attacks or escape attempts. But, there is a 2-in-6 chance with each use that the wearer will go completely off course.
63. A high quality video camera.
64. A high speed video camera, suitable for recording thousands of frames per second.
65.  A phenomenal, DJ-quality sound system. Can be used in conjunction with any sound-producing electronics, or with the included microphone.
66. A 4-wheeled ATV.
67. A freestanding lamp.
68. A small translator robot, little more than a disk with a face on it. The robot has a simplistic, but friendly personality. Has an effective 6-in-6 language skill and will happily translate anything you need. Hesitates any time it is asked to translate rudeness.
69. A hotplate.
70. A leaf blower.
71. An electric fan. (1. Free standing, 2. Desk Size, 3. Box Fan, 4. Heavy duty.)
72. An electric wheelchair.
73. A bug zapper
74. An exoskeletal structure which fits around the hand like a glove. Confers immense crush and grip strength on the hand, allowing it to hold on on to a ledge indefinitely, or bend swords or gun barrels.
75. A toaster
76. A microwave.
77. A lawn sprinkler of whatever style you prefer. (Highly effective when used with gasoline!)
78. A forklift.
79. A programmable robotic arm. Has no sensors, but can be instructed to perform a set of potions when prompts are given. Roll 1d4 to determine size: (1. Half human size. 2. Human size. 3. Three-times human sized. 4. Construction sized.)
80. 30′ of liquid sensing wire wrapped in absorbent rope. If any fluid touches the rope, an alarm will go off immediately.
81. A backpack sized water-compression tank. Capable of compressing water down to 25% of its normal size.
82. A handheld laser-cutting tool. Able to slice a 4′ line through just about any material within the space of a turn. Does so with almost complete silence.
83. A 6″ tall robot which moves on treads, and manipulates objects with two tiny pincer arms. Is intelligent enough to accept simple verbal commands.
84. A sewing machine.
85. A gambling machine. (1. Video Poker, 2. Slots, 3. A claw machine 4. A coin push machine.)
86. A moderately heavy-duty water pump, capable of pushing about 20 gallons per minute.
87. An air compressor.
88. A V-chip which can be programmed with certain information, then installed into a person. Any time that person would reveal or express the indicated information by any means, they fail to do so. Instead, they use some replacement information. So instead of saying “Virgil is planning to kill you,” they say “I enjoy sexually molesting stuffed toys.” Or something like that.
89. A personal holographic projection device. Always a pre-rendered recording to be emitted in life-size above it, appearing for all intents and purposes identical to reality.
90. A chainsaw.
91. An electric drill.
92. A functioning AI, trapped in a device that is not connected to anything. Treat this as an NPC, who who will probably be grateful for being released, but will also doubtless be someone maladjusted from their long isolation.
93. A hangglider, constructed of the highly advanced lightweight materials that make such a device feasible.
94. A helmet which can be connected to a computer via a bundle of wires. When a person is wearing the helmet, their skull will be destroyed and their brain dissected. The entirety of their consciousness will then be uploaded to the computer they are connected to.
95. A personal sized submarine, capable of holding only a single person.
96. A heavy backpack with a hose-like extension. When activated, the extension emits a kind of “tractor beam,” capable of pulling objects towards it. The weight limit of the beam is equal to the weight of whomever is wearing the device.
97. An auto-follow spotlight equipped with repulsortech. Once a target is identified the light can fly through the air to follow them wherever they go.
98. A cryogenic freezing tube. Can be set for any length of time.
99. An earthquake machine. When mounted to a hardpoint (such as a support beam), a weighted rod will begin to shift back and forth. Microcomputers will calculate the reaction reaction to this movement, and adjust the movement of the rod to match a structure’s frequency. 1 watch after the device is in put in place, it will be able to produce violent shaking within the building after 1 turn of buildup. This is unlikely to destroy the building, but is almost certain to disrupt any loose objects, and frighten any people.
100. An ultralight helicopter.