d100 Gobbobilities

With thanks to Justin Stewart of Dragons Gonna Drag for donating his time to proofread this post.

Even in rules-light D&D, players are expected to do a lot of bookkeeping. Tracking skills, spells, and other silly stuff can be tedious, which is why Gobbos exist. Gobbos have no use for books, or for keeping them. Gobbos have no levels, and thus gain no experience. Gobbos do not understand the value of money, and so collect no share of treasure. Think of Gobbos as hyperactive 6 year olds with a slightly greater capacity for murder.

The basic Gobbo has only two numbers to write down: their saving throw is 12. This works for every kind of save, and will never improve. Their armor rating is whatever your system’s base armor rating is. In LotFP, that’s also 12. Gobbos can’t wear any armor. If someone tries to put armor on them, they’ll complain about how heavy or itchy it is, and eventually squirm out of it when no one is looking, leaving bits and pieces of it everywhere.

When attacking, gobbos roll 1d20 without modification, and deal 1d6 damage regardless of the weapon they choose to wield. Exceptions might be made if the gobbos attempt to operate some kind of heavy artillery.

Gobbos have no hit points. Instead, when a gobbo gets hit, roll a d6. If the number rolled is greater than the amount of damage directed at them, they shrug the injury off. The damage is not recorded, it simply bounces off them. If they roll equal to or less than the incoming damage, their feelings are hurt. They will begin to cry, and are uselessly inconsolable until the next session.

If a gobbo falls into a bottomless pit, disintegrates, gets gobbled up by a monster, or is otherwise physically separated from the party, they’ll be gone until the next session. When they come back, they’ll have all sorts of stories about the adventures they went on.

Given their fragility and general ineffectiveness, players may play more than one gobbo simultaneously. Somewhere between 2 and 5 is probably the most fun. Given their general lack of combat effectiveness, there’s no need for every gobbo to act each round unless the player really wants them to. Just assume they’re in the background goofing off.

Each gobbo also has a single special ability, rolled on the table below.

1. Has a slightly fishy appearance. Able to breathe underwater, and swim like a mer-gobbo.
2. Every real-time hour, the gobbo may ask god one dumb question. God is listening, and will answer honestly. However, they answer through the gobbo’s own mouth, in the gobbo’s own voice, so it really just sounds like the gobbo is talking to themselves.
3. By expressing affection, the gobbo can cause a plant to grow and become healthy. By expressing hatred, the plant will wither and die. The process takes a few minutes. The gobbo cannot control the way in which the plant grows or dies, though other outside means may be employed.
4. Able to talk to plants. Plants are very honest, but also rude. The gobbo tends to get in a lot of angry shouting arguments with them.
5. Able to talk to animals. Animals have an animal understanding of the world around them. The gobbo frequently becomes frustrated at dealing with such stupid creatures.
6. Able to talk to rocks. Rocks have very limited perception of the world around them, and are sooooooo boring to talk to. Ugh!
7. Sneaky little bastard has the second best stealth skill possible in your game system. (5-in-6 for LotFP)
8. Attacks with a +8 to their roll, and deals 1d8 damage. That counts regardless of whether they’re using a real weapon or not.
9. Each night, while sleepwalking, they make grenades. The gobbo has no idea how to make grenades while they’re awake, but they carry around a sack of the things with a d6 exhaustion die. (Each time a grenade is pulled out, roll a d6. If a 1 is rolled, there’s only one grenade left). The grenades deal 2d6 damage in a 5′ radius. No attack roll needed, but targets may make a saving throw versus Breath for half damage.
10. When attacking from hiding, the gobbo gets a +10 to their attack roll, and multiplies their damage by 5.
11. Roll a first level clerical spell from the table of your choice, whether or not you allow clerics in your game. The gobbo gains that spell as a natural ability, usable at-will for non-healing spells, or once-per-day if the spell heals something.
12. Roll a first level magic user spell. The gobbo gains that spell as a natural ability.
13. When they bite someone, it’s damn near impossible to get them off until they want to be gotten off. No attack roll needed, however the victim may make a saving throw versus paralyzation to avoid. While latched on, the gobbo may hinder any action their victim wishes to take, so long as their victim isn’t super huge or anything. This won’t really work on a godzilla. If their victim is fleeing, the gobbo can remain attached as long as they want, then return next session to tell the party where the person got off to.
14. Instead of rolling a d6 when the gobbo is hit in combat, roll a d12 + 2.
15. Runs really fast. Like, heckin’ fast. 10 times as fast as normal characters. No joke.
16. Their feet are both buoyant, and covered in hardy callouses! They can walk on water, on lava, on acid, on basically any liquid no matter how harmful it would normally be.
17. Has flaps of skin which allow it to glide down from high places. Or, if there’s enough wind, to fly like a kite.
18. Cannot be bound. Any bond they are placed in, they can slip out of whenever they wish. It doesn’t matter how impossibly secure their prison is, they will break the laws of physics if need be.
19. Able to squeeze themselves through any opening, so long as a normal human could fit their pinky finger into it.
20. Has a seemingly infinite supply of rubber bands and paper airplanes, and is shockingly accurate aim with them.
21. A particular talent for throwing things. Anything this gobbo can heft, they can throw with nigh-perfect accuracy, up to 30′. (More if they can get up above their target and throw down at it.) To hit an unmoving, man-sized target, roll an attack roll against an armor rating of 5. Modify up or down for smaller or larger targets. Moving targets use whatever their normal armor rating would be, minus 2.
22. Completely immune to falling damage. Always land on their feet.
23. For whatever reason, their antics come off as charming. Anytime the party makes a social roll, the gobbo can do some goofy shit to lend them a bonus to that roll.
24. Instead of having a saving throw of 12, this gobbo has a saving throw of 5. Again, this is good no matter what saving throw is called for.
25. Completely immune to magic of any kind.
26. Has a weird knack for tripping people. Whoever they decide to trip must make a saving throw versus paralyzation or fall prone. If the gobbo comes up with something clever, they might even be able to attempt tripping multiple people at once this way.
27. Can teleport at will to anywhere within their light of sight, leaving a puff of smoke and a “BUMF!” sound behind them.
28. Can choose to emit any color of light they want from their eyes, at any intensity they desire. Good for creating spooky eyes in the dark, looking for hidden ink, illuminating a room, or even blinding foes.
29. Has corrosive drool, which quickly rotted away all of their teeth. By gumming on just about anything for a minute or so, they can reduce it to unrecognizable slag.
30. Able to transform themselves into a bat at will. They tell people their dad was a vampire.
31. They’re crazy good at eavesdropping. If they’re not supposed to hear something (such as some monsters plotting their doom behind a door), they’ll hear it from a mile away.
32. Kids are naturally drawn to them. Any kid this gobbo meets will become fast friends, with a whole series of weird games and inside jokes. This even extends to newborn babies, which the gobbo has an uncanny ability to understand.
33. Parents are naturally drawn to them. Anyone with a child will have their paternal instincts kicked into overdrive by the sight of this gobbo. They’ll want to make sure this lil’ guy is fed and clothed and feels happy and safe.
34. The gobbo has an uncanny knack for stupid stunts. The more terrible consequences will result from failure, the better. Once the stunt has been described (after a few “make it dumber!” demands from the referee), roll a d6. There’s a 4-in-6 chance the stunt succeeds. On failure, the gobbo injures themselves to the point of crying inconsolably until the next session.
35. Knows just what to say to turn two people against one another. Any lie told about a person who is not present has a 4-in-6 chance of being believed. If the lie fails, the Gobbo feels chagrined enough that the player must wait 1 real-time hour before they attempt this trick again.
36. The gobbo’s boogers are sticky. Like, aerospace-grade adhesive. Only the gobbo’s own skin oils are capable of touching one of its boogers without getting stuck.
37. A long mop of greasy hair grows from the gobbo’s scalp. By wringing the hair out, the gobbo can produce a pungent lubricant that is slippery as hell, and difficult to wash away.
38. With a twist and a backwards jump, the gobbo is able to instantaneously shed its skin, leaving a translucent statue of itself behind in whatever pose they desire. The skin quickly dries out and becomes rigid enough to support twice the gobbo’s body weight.
39. Skin is puckered with unnaturally large pores. At will, their body acts like a sponge, absorbing any liquid they’re immersed in. Later, this can be excreted by the gobbo in a single splash from all their pores at once, or in a stream from one of their body’s orifices. Careful not to absorb too much, or you won’t be able to move!
40. Able to climb any surface, like a spider.
41. Can burrow through the earth like a mole, with the same movement speed it would have moving on foot. Also works for excavating large spaces at a rate of 10′ cubed per turn.
42. Forgeries this gobbo makes will fool the first person who examines them, but never anyone else. They’re made with crayons and spit, so it’s a mystery why they fool anyone at all.
43. The nose of a bloodhound. They can parse smells better than any human, extracting a surprising amount of information just from sniffing the air.
44. Able to take magic into their body, and redirect it back out again. They have a 3-in-6 chance of success if they want to reflect it back towards the caster, 2-in-6 if they want to direct it elsewhere. On failure, they’re affected by it normally. Ability only works if they know they’re the target of a spell.
45. This gobbo is a bit of a blank slate. It just follows its companions around, going along with what the other gobbos want. If it is directed to bite someone, that person’s body will go limp, and their mind will be placed in this gobbo’s body. Only willing or immobilized characters can be bitten in this way. The player of the gobbo, and the player of whomever the gobbo bit, must work together to decide what that the new combined character does. The bit character can return to their own body at any time by biting it again.
46. Snot bubble hot air balloons allow this gobbo to float up into the air and fly around on the breeze.
47. Dead creatures will obey a single command given by this gobbo. To the gobbo, it seems totally natural and not creepy at all that dead people do favors for him. What is neh-kro-macy?
48. Has a mighty sneeze attack. On a successful attack, the targeted enemy within 15′ is pushed back 10′, and must make a saving throw versus poison to avoid getting sick. Sick characters spend a few minutes sneezing, a few minutes vomiting, and a few minutes shivering in the fetal position uncontrollably. The whole disease runs its course in about 10 minutes.
49. Has the stinkiest poops of all. There is no quicker way to clear a room than to put one of this gobbo’s poops in it. No one with a sense of smell can willingly be within smelling distance of this poop. The gobbo only poops once per game day, and after 24 hrs its poops dry out and lose all smelliness. Making jenkems with this gobbo’s poop will FUCK YOU UP.
50. Has phenomenal artistic talent. Painting, sculpture, music, film, as-yet uninvented media, they have an uncanny knack for just about everything.
51. A perfect catcher. They can catch anything, without fail. They can catch bullets, intercepting 1 projectile each round. Objects too large for the gobbo to reasonably hold may cause some issue, though they can still technically be caught.
52. Once per real-time hour, this gobbo can go rummaging in any heap of detritus nearby, and emerge with something useful. The referee is the final arbiter on what is discovered, but everyone at the table is encouraged to make suggestions. It will never be a unique item (such as the key to a door the players wish to bypass), or will it ever be a particularly valuable item. Just something that would help the party at this particular moment.
53. A weird, lucky, savant. This gobbo has a modest chance to succeed with every skill in the game. (Using LotFP, a modest chance would be 2-in-6).
54. Able to vomit up a yellowish cement-like substance on command. Enough to form a 2′ by 2′ square in 1 minute.
55. Has a completely encyclopedic knowledge of bugs. If it’s even vaguely bug related, this Gobbo will have some kind of useful info to share.
56. Has a completely encyclopedic knowledge of fungus and slime. If it’s even vaguely fungus or slime related, this Gobbo will have some kind of useful info to share.
57. Has a completely encyclopedic knowledge of pop culture. If it’s even vaguely related to pop culture, this Gobbo will have some kind of useful info to share.
58. Has an incredible ability to ride things. Any action which can reasonably be described as “riding,” or as an element of riding has a 5-in-6 chance of success.
59. They’re so good at playing pretend that they create minor illusions of whatever they’re imagining. They must be able to catch the attention of the people they wish to fool, but anything they describe happening will appear to happen: sight, sound, and smell.
60. Plays a scary version of peek-a-boo. The gobbo picks a person or thing to play with, then covers their eyes. Their target must make a saving throw versus magic. On a failed throw, it will cease to exist for as long as the gobbo keeps its eyes covered with both hands.
61. The gobbo has a bottomless belly pouch. Like a kangaroo, except they don’t keep babies in there. They keep their junk. The gobbo will only hold on to items which are their own personal property. They won’t carry things for the rest of the party.
62. Hard headed enough that a good bash can knock in just about any normal door. Heck, give the gobbo 3 minutes and they’ll smash a hole in a stone wall for you.
63. The gobbo has a superb sense of direction. They always know, even if it seems impossible, what the shortest route to the exit is. They’ll never lead down any dead ends, though they may get sidetracked and lead the party to something only they think would be fun.
64. When playing hide and seek, there is no better hider than this. One moment you’re looking right at them, then you blink, and suddenly they’re gone. The gobbo must specify where they’re hiding, and it must be within a the same room or at least nearby, but for all intents and purposes they are able to teleport themselves into hiding.
65. Has an enduring love for playing dress up. Give them a pile of junk and 10 minutes, and they’ll have everyone they know outfitted with a dapper new disguise fit to fool their own mothers.
66. A skilled whistler, to the point that they annoy everyone with their high-pitched tweeting. If they really try, they can actually perform a sonic attack with their whistling, shattering any glass, ceramic, or crystal within 30′ that they aim their lips at. May require a to-hit roll for particularly small, obscured, or moving targets.
67. Good at picking pockets, performing magic tricks, wrestling stuff out of people’s hands, and otherwise being digitally dexterous. In LotFP terms, they have a 6-in-6 for Sleight of Hand.
68. Has a knack for getting doors open or getting machines to work. Essentially a 6-in-6 for Tinkering.
69. Is absolutely delicious. Any creature with the intent to eat living meat will be instantly attracted to the succulent smells of this gobbo. Even those not normally inclined to such acts may be tempted. Once eaten, the imbiber must make a saving throw versus poison or get food poisoning. They’ll have no time to do anything other than poop their guts out for the next 24 hours. Miraculously, no matter how much they chewed, the gobbo will emerge fully re-formed within a few hours at the most.
70. Able to vomit voluminously on command. After they vomit, everyone who sees them must make a saving throw versus poison, or they will also barf.
71. Restorative drool, which can seal up wounds and mend broken limbs. Able to produce enough drool to restore 10 hit points each day.
72. Has a perfect memory. They’re able to quote anything they’ve heard, without error, in an exact imitation of the voices they heard it in. Moreover, they’re able to draw, with exquisite detail, anything they’ve ever seen. These skills only apply when recalling something. They have no particular talent for voices or for art otherwise.
73. Nobody throws a tantrum like this goblin. When something is taken from them, or they are denied something they want, they’re able to go absolutely BERSERK. 20 strength! 25 strength! 100 strength! Immune to damage! Punch for 3d12 damage! The state lasts for 1 minute, and can only occur once per session. Be warned: the gobbo’s rage will be directed towards whoever took from them / denied them, so don’t go activating their rage and hoping they’ll turn it against your foes.
74. Farts lightning bolts which deal 6d6 damage in a 60′ line straight out from their butt. Only has a 1-in-6 chance of being able to fart on command. 2 in 6 if they’ve consumed some bubbly beverage recently.
75. Has an intuitive understanding of modern technology, enabling them to use it with ease, even if they don’t know how to tie their shoe. Works with whatever technology is “modern” in your setting. Gobbo will refer to anyone who can’t keep up with their technical know-how as a “Grandpa.”
76. By concentrating and straining really super hard, this gobbo’s body becomes mysteriously heavier, and heavier, and heavier. After about 10 minutes they can get to a max weight of a few tons without any change in their size or shape. No complicated actions may be performed while heavy. Popping back to normal weight is instantaneous when the gobbo stops concentrating.
77. The gobbo’s farts make such hilarious sounds that everyone who can hear them must make a saving throw versus Magic or be consumed with laughter. -1 to their save if they’re close enough to smell it too. Victims may attempt a new save each round to regain control of themselves, with a cumulative +3 each round.
78. Anything that relies on pure dumb luck is double-weighted in this gobbo’s favor. For example, if the gobbo calls a coin flip in the air, it has a 75% chance of landing on the side they called. This works only for diegetic randomness like gambling, not for meta game randomness like attack rolls or skill checks.
79. Once per session this gobbo may declare that someone is lying, and it will be true. If necessary, the referee must bend reality to accommodate the fact of this lie. If they really, really, really want to, the referee may tell the gobbo that they are wrong, and that this person was not lying. However, the gobbo will now be able to use their ability twice this session.
80. By yelling stuff like “Stop being dumb!” and “Just do it!” the Gobbo has a mysterious ability to actually make people better at whatever they’re doing. Not enough to add any bonuses to rolls, but enough to make failure a little less bad than it would normally be. (None the less, if you fail, the gobbo will probably lambast you for not listening to them when they told you to do it right.) Giving this sort of “encouragement” precludes any other action being taken by the gobbo. (They cannot attack the same round, or “encourage” two people at once).
81. If the gobbo shouts “GO AWAY! I HATE YOU!” at someone, then that person must make a saving throw. On failure, they must go away, knowing they are hated. The gobbo may only emotionally manipulate one person at a time.
82. This gobbo carries around hand puppets of various styles. For whatever reason, these puppets are perceived to be real people by anyone who sees the gobbo manipulate them. Not specific real people, mind you. The gobbo cannot make someone believe the puppet is their mother. However, any words said by the puppets, or actions taken by them, will be perceived as the actions of a living individual.
83. By rubbing its grubby face on stuff, the gobbo can leave an imprint of its face. The gobbo is able to see, smell, hear, and speak through this face. Until a face is erased, the gobbo cannot stop receiving sensory information from it, which is annoying. Leaving more than a few faces out in the world will give the gobbo a serious headache.
84. Has a big ol’ horn. It’s a foot long, rigid, with a needle-sharp tip and one knife-like edge. At will, the gobbo can retract the horn into its body, and cause it to pop back out anywhere it likes. It can have a horn sprouting from its forehead, or its stomach, its left butt cheek, or from in between two of its toes.
85. Able to collapse into a puddle of slime, oozing around, moving only across level surfaces or downhill. It takes about 10 minutes to reform.
86. With innocent-sounding questions and doe eyed looks, this gobbo can force a target to make a saving throw against shame. On failure, the victim must reconsider their behavior, or at least work much harder to hide it. Works only if the target is doing something the average person wouldn’t want a child to know about.
87. Whenever they want, the gobbo can grow big big BIG! Fifteen feet tall, with speed and power to match! For every minute the gobbo spends being big, they must spend an hour sleeping immediately after to recover their energy.
88. Through the use of the mighty Double Dog Dare, this gobbo can force people to make a save versus Magic, or obey the gobbo’s command. If they make their save, they may dare the gobbo to do something, which the gobbo must do. No save.
89. Is a very good goalie. Crazy good. If this gobbo decides they don’t want someone to get past them, they basically function as a 10′ by 10′ invisible wall. Nobody will expect them to be as capable a blocker as they are.
90. With a parting of their hands, the gobbo can part just about anything as if they were Moses or some junk. Water, bushes, crowds, walls, etc. Every 30 seconds, the gobbo must roll a saving throw to avoid getting distracted. If they get distracted, whatever they parted will collapse.
91. An endless supply of teeth. Each one yanked out will be replaced by another within a half hour. Teeth can be spit out like bullets, left on the ground like caltrops, and probably used in all sorts of other horrible ways.
92. When the gobbo yawns, the response is more than contagious. Everyone nearby (including friends) must make a saving throw or fall asleep. The yawning gobbo themselves doesn’t get a save. They always fall asleep, and they’re a heavy gosh dang sleeper.
93. This gobbo is a tattle tale. They have a sort of divination which allows them to know one bad thing that a person has done. This works only once per person, PC or NPC alike.
94. Any part of their body can be detached. Though separate from the body, it will communicate sensation, and act according to the gobbo’s thoughts as normal. Detached bits must be recovered and snapped back into place, they cannot grow back.
95. This gobbo is a picky eater. If they can fit an object in their mouth, they’ll instantly know everything that is wrong with it. Whether it’s cursed, poisoned, whether some evil dude had it once, or wants to claim it, everything. This ability cannot be used to divine any nice information.
96. Through relentless teasing, this gobbo can force an enemy to focus entirely on them during combat. There is no save against this unless the foe has a strong reason to ignore the gobbo’s taunts, such as a commander shouting at them.
97. Any trick the player describes which can feasibly be performed without hands has a 4-in-6 chance of success. The gobbo will probably shout at members of the party to look at them while they do whatever they’re doing, and will always boast that they’re not using their hands. Note that picking locks or wielding weapons with one’s feet is not considered “feasible” for the purposes of this ability.
98. By climbing on top of something, the gobbo instantly makes the floor around whatever they’re standing on as hot as lava. The effect moves along with the gobbo as they climb across chairs and tables to avoid falling in, so that they’re always at risk of falling in. If the gobbo intentionally jumps down, the effect ends.
99. A gosh danged savant when it comes to setting up practical jokes and home-alone style traps. So long as they have the most important elements, they can set up even the most complex of Rube-Goldbergian contraptions in the space of a minute. Minor elements, like pulleys and bits of string, have a way of simply being around when this gobbo has need of them.
100. Of all gobbos, this one is the undisputed master of “I’m not touching you.” This gobbo never touches anything it doesn’t wanna touch. Pressure plates? Not happening. Complicated laser grid? No problem. If they want to, they can even walk with their feet an inch off the floor, or swim with a thin layer of air between the water and their skin. They still gotta breathe and be warm, though, so they gotta touch the air.