d100 Materials your Post-Apocalyptic Armor is Made From

For each piece of armor found, roll once or twice on the table to determine what materials it’s made from. Everything on this list is super realistic. If you find something you think is unrealistic, it’s just because you don’t understand something that I do understand. Because I am a very smart boy.

1. Street signs, such as “Stop,” “Yield,” or “Children at Play.”
2. Car body pieces, like the hood, doors, or bumper.
3. Rubber tires.
   
4. Sheet metal
5. Leather, perhaps in the form of an old world jacket, or something tanned in the post apocalypse. In the case of the latter, it may be human leather.
   
6. Chain link fence.
7. Cookware, like pots, pans, or baking sheets.
   
8. Layered silverware or cutlery
9. Plywood, probably from some old Ikea furniture.
10. Books of any sort. Paperbacks or magazines work just as well as hardbacks or coffee table books. Don’t underestimate the stopping force of layered paper!
11. A weave of cables and wiring.
12. Folded duct tape.
13. Regular old-world clothing, like a T-shirt, but stacked in layer upon layer upon layer until it’s formidable armament.
14. Protective sports equipment, like football shoulder pads, hockey goalie leg pads, or a BMX biker’s helmet.
15. Bones from various creatures, animals, beasts, and humans.
16. The carapace of a giant, mutated insect.
17. Soles from old shoes.
18. Old plumbing pipes, made of metal or PVC.
19. Carpeting torn up from a floor, possibly layered to make it thicker.
20. Cut-up metal cans, like you would use for paint or oil, or Campbell’s soup. 
21. Children’s plastic toy armor.
22. Ludicrous cosplayer armor, which can be made mostly functional if you cut off all the extraneous spikes.
23. Some piece of medieval reenactor armor. It’s probably not actually made of metal, or if so, it’s probably not made terribly well.
24. Real medieval armor. Before the apocalypse, this would have been a valuable historical artifact.
25. Police riot gear, well preserved from the per-apocalypse.
26. Chain link made from belt-buckles.
27. An old robot chasis that a human can squeeze themselves inside of.
28. Animal cages.
29. A lifejacket
30. Old AOL disks, pinned together.
31. Motorcycle safety gear.
32. Safety gear from a construction site, like a hard hat, gloves, or reflective vest.
33. Welder gear, either the mask, or the heavy apron.
34. One of those lead-lined aprons dentists put on people when they X-Ray them.
35. Firefighter PPE.
36. Wicker, probably taken from some old patio furniture.
37. Soft, thick pads, like pillows, couch cushions, or even just a comforter.
38. License plates
39. Chainmail made from carabiners
40. Old, discarded plaster casts, like the ones used to keep a bone straight while it sets.
41. A woven mesh of nylon rope.
42. Old BDSM fetish gear. Some of that shit is fuckin’ sturdy, and you’re not in any position to be picky.
43. A Halloween costume.
44. Old bullet casings, strapped together in rows.
45. Video game cartridges, pinned together.
46. A trash can.
47. Hair from humans or horses, woven into thick sheets.
48. The skins of old deflated sports balls, like basketballs and footballs.
49. A satellite dish.
50. Soda can tabs. That’s what the armor worn by the woman in the image above is made from.
51. Twigs, strapped into rows.
52. Three ring binders.
53. Tin cans.
54. A hollowed out part of a taxidermied animal.
55. LEGO bricks. Particularly some of the large flat plates.
56. The boards from board games.
57. Trading cards of various types, from baseball to magic the gathering.
58. Nerf.
59. Stuffed animals.
60. Plastic plants, such as fake ferns.
61. Computer parts, like circuit boards, keyboards, chassis, and CRT monitor housings.
62. Food containers from the world before. Stuff like cereal boxes, or chip bags, layered together.
63. Rulers and yard sticks, held together with pins.
64. Window blinds.
65. Clothes hangars, interlocked with each other.
66. Silicone sex toys: dildos, butt plugs, vibrators…
67. D&D 3rd edition splat books.
68. Clip boards.
69. The backboard from a basketball hoop.
70. Cardboard boxes.
71. Cleaning gear: rubber gloves, dustpans, or the heads from brooms and mops.
72. A piece of some kind of experimental body armor from the pre-apocalypse. It looks like it was made by a doomsday prepper with more money than sense.
73. Broken bits off of plastic shopping carts.
74. One of those layered cardboard scratchers they make for cats.
75. Bicycle parts, like the wheels, handlebars, or chain.
76. Wine cork lamellar.
77. Library card lamellar. (Also “club cards” from big box stores, or credit cards).
78. Safety glass, probably pulled out of a door from a school.
79. Matchbox cars.
80. An old folding table.
81. Giant letters that used to form the name of some long-forgotten business.
82. Mail made from fidget spinners.
83. Smartphone cases.
84. Old metal tonka toys.
85. Roofing shingles.
86. Horse shoes.
87. Hula hoops and jump ropes.
88. Discarded plastic bottles.
89. Circular saw blades.
90. Dozens and dozens of “unbreakable” combs.
91. Cheap costume jewelry: rings and bracelets interlocked into mail, draped bundles of necklace chains, and so on.
92. Cardboard tubes, like the ones from toilet paper, paper towels, and wrapping paper.
93. Vinyl house siding.
94. Steel medical brace.
95. Shovel heads.
96. Fan blades
97. Cutting boards.
98. Dumb, cheap, fantasy weapons. They’re so ridiculous that nobody can actually use them as weapons, so they’re trying to put them to use as armor.
99. A dartboard.
100. Something crazy valuable that the “armor smith” apparently didn’t realize was valuable. Like a working gameboy, a floppy disk with secret information on it, or a bit of wood with a treasure map singed into it.