Merry Christmas everyone who celebrates, and a good Wednesday to those who don’t! Once more I come before you to satisfy my seasonal humiliation kink by writing D&D lyrics for some old Christmas standard, and performing it for all to see. At least this year I spared ya’ll from seeing my ugly mug!
I spent six months running B2 – Keep on the Borderlands this year, and it has been very much on my mind. Pretty much as soon as the thought of doing this song appeared in my mind, I was committed to retelling some part of the adventures we had there via the Christmas Carol medium.
If this is your first time seeing me go crazy for the holidays, then you’re in for a rude awakening treat! I’ve done this FIVE TIMES before.
Lyrics
O little keep on borderlands
atop your craggy hill.
The castellan protects these lands
from those with evil will.
Yet in the caves there lurketh
a force of dan'grous might:
both goblin horde, and orcish sword,
and worse lurk in the night!
A ragged band of wastrel youth
with dreams of looted golds
pack salted pork and sharp pitchforks
to stick in yon kobolds.
A kindly cleric offers
to lend his holy spells.
The prep is done, time for some fun!
Set out through wood and dell!
Some random battles fought and won.
Here now: the grim ravine!
The Chaos Caves, and foes most grave
surround our derring team.
A choice is made at random.
An ogre’s found inside.
Tolls must be paid, or men be flayed.
They flee with wounded pride.
The friendly priest assures the band
this next cave will be fine.
It’s quiet here, the coast is clear
in Chaos’ evil shrine.
The light soon fades behind them.
They hear an undead sound.
That priest plays tricks. Pass 3d6
for rerolls all around!
Heh! It is kinda interesting that even this, one of the most widely read modules has a gotcha built into it. I wonder, does this treachery bring the players back, hot for revenge? I’m pretty sure Glint the Bear (in disguise) would return time and again to try and mete out some punishment.
I haven’t taken the time to listen to the singing (my house is a bit quiet at the moment), but I did read your lyrics and salute both your creativity and Christmas bravado; excellent stuff.
: )