Session 26: I’m Trying to Gaslight This Girl, Leave Me Alone!
Run on May 19, 2021 | Week 26, Year 1
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GOBLIN MARKET:
Among plastic bags filled with rotten gooey cabbage, sticky children’s toys, and cardboard boxes of beanbag beans, the party found a laser tripwire kit for 800r which they were not interested in, and a treasure map for 220r which they definitely were!
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In the Goblin Market, Idoru attempted to sell her Hydra Stance scroll, and met a goblin boxer named Aycot. She made a point of impressing Aycot with her martial skills, and convinced Aycot to sign up as her apprentice. She then immediately renamed Aycot “Worm.” From here the party set off for the hole in the wall from which giant babies emerge, which they insist on calling “The Vagina.” On the way they leared that there has been a shift in the balance of power on level 2. After the party’s defeat of Bogdar, a charismatic goblin leader set himself up as a rival to the Goblin Sub-King. He calls himself the True King, while the goblins nearest the elevator call him the Anti-King.
After Idoru jumped behind the curtain (revitalizing her body, but giving her horrible nightmares the following evening, and reducing her age by 5 years) they party wanted to explore all the parts of the level which they had not yet visited. They met with the Anti King, who turned out to be Globin the Goblin, formerly a shopkeep on level 6 who had decided to end his exile from Goblin society and remake it in his own image. He told the party he would greatly appreciate it if they killed the Goblin Over-King, as Globin believed that the loss of this beloved spiritual figure would sufficiently undermine trust in the Sub-King to allow Globin to take over completely. The party said they’d think about it.
They discovered that Globin had Bogdar’s former apprentice working to rid a final hallway of bees, which aggressively prevented access to the Sacred Goblin Hearthfire. The party cleared out the hallway, and allowed the goblins to tend to the emaciated-but-still-living priests beyond. The party peeked in on the Goblin Bakery & Barber Shop, the Museum of Goblin Greatness & School, the mess left by Warbreeding, the conclave of Goblin Storytellers, and the dormitory in which the goblins keep their human laborers.
Having now fully explored the 2nd level, and given that it is mostly peaceful, this level of the dungeon will serve as more of a “menu screen” in future sessions.
Hoping to snag some quick treasure, the party then moved to level 1, through the secret door they’d busted open, and down to the room where last week they’d heard some robots talking about all the food they had stored. Pearl used her ability to emulate and throw voices to restart the argument the party had overheard the previous week, and Samo summoned more of the Anxiaty-Ridden Pig People (herafter referred to as “Porccs”). The party charged into the room, and were fortunate that the 3d8 robots it contiained turned out to be merely 7. They made short work of the robot foes, after which Merciless the Cleric of the Black prayed for a miracle, and the party were able to carry the whole heap of food to the surface, even though there was more there than they could have possibly carried!
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INJUIRES
Muscles – Lost a leg while battling bees. Got a peg leg.
Worm – Had her max hit points reduced to 1 while battling bees.
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NOTEs:
-The Jug of 3 Liquids has used Mutagen once.
-Samo wants to buy Giant Baby Skeletons, if they become available.
-Pearl wants to buy a Giant Baby Mount, if they can figure out how to train one to be ridden by a single rider.
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LOOT:
-Goofy Bee Costume worn by Bogdar’s Apprentice.
-10,000r in food stolen from robots.
That comes to 1667 r or xp each for Idoru, Idono, Mercy, Samo, Pearl, and Vince
Session 27: This Dungeon Isn’t Up To Fire Code At All
Run on June 2, 2021 | Week 27, Year 1
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GOBLIN MARKET:
Among some stop-smoking-while-you-sleep cassette tapes, crumpled dorm room posters, and water damaged romance novels, the party were able to find a goblin selling an advanced prosthetic right hand and forearm for 800r, and a brick of C4 large enough to bring down a whole structure (with only a single detonator) for 180r.
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(I had a very busy few days, so this recap is scant on detail.)
After discussing the relative merits of every dungeon level in some depth, the party descended to the 6th level in hopes of opening up that map a little more. First thing they did was break into a little locked room near the elevator they’d gone past every time prior to this, and discovered it held a substantial little cache of bullets and batteries. An auspicious way to begin their delve!
Over towards the R.S.B.’s territory, the party came upon an empty room filled with cubicles and computers. The party managed to get one of the computers logged on, and learned from its desktop wallpaper that this was a DOIDA office. (United States Department of Inter-Dimensional Affairs. Omni Loco Inferius Alter Calceus.) The party looted the room significantly, and found an emergency escape map which unfortunately didn’t give them any new information about nearby rooms. They also noticed that this room was adjacent to the laser grid room in which the yellow key was kept. After a bit of experimenting, the party turned on all the lights and computers simultaneously, as well as rolling a whole cubicle farm worth of office chairs into the laser grid. The surge of power on the already-overloaded system caused the grid to short out, and the party retrieved the yellow key.
Since the R.S.B.’s hold all the territory further East, the party pushed west. They went the long way around to the room where they nearly TPK’d back in session 23, then North into a room divided by a steep concrete channel, and a river of sludge. Samo summoned more Porks (poor porks! Why must this terrible rat creature continue to torment them?) onto the other side of the channel to help the party erect a rope bridge. Then, just as they party was nearly all the way across, a sludge creature leaped out to try and consume Vince. Idono pumped the super soaker mechanism he’d attached to the magic threefold jug, and sprayed magic napalm on the sludge creature, who twisted and burned terribly. It is not clear of the creature was destroyed, or merely injured, but the party were able to explore the next room and return back this way safely.
The party then popped their head into the next room, where they discovered a baby reptilian dragon foraging in a garbage heap. The party left out some food, which Samo placed on his cloak, so that the dragon might associate good feelings with his scent. The party then retreated from the dungeon for the day.
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NOTEs:
-The Jug of 3 Liquids has used both Napalm & Mutagen once.
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LOOT:
-The Yellow Key
-Thumb drive filled with somebody’s personal files from a DOIDA computer. The downloads folder had SOLDAT.
-Old DOIDA computer & Monitor. Cheap and janky.
-Lightly used nylons
-Office first aid kit
-500 Bullets (5000r)
-100 Batteries (2000r)
-20 Good Food from the office, including coffee, sugar, liquor, desk twinkies, etc. (100r)
-4 Funcopops, traded to the Purple Robed Nerds. (450r)
-5 more Bullets (50r)
That comes to 7600, which divides down to 1900 r or xp each for Idono, Mercy, Samo, and Vince
Session 28: C’moooooon double sixes for Jesus!
Run on June 16, 2021 | Week 28, Year 1
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GOBLIN MARKET:
Among the branded lanyards, lidless tupperware, and thanksgiving papercrafts, the party found a BlendTek blender being sold for 700r, and a 4th level Necromancy spell “Transmute Stone to Rotting Flesh” for 80r. They purchased both.
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After visiting the Goblin Market, the party descended to level 7 for the first time. Huzzah!
As the elevater went down, Samo heard a familiar noise. One made by the auto guns which had guarded the entrance to this elevator, and nearly cost him his life back in session 24. He slammed the stop button, and was able to take out the 4 auto guns which waited for them by summonging a swarm of insects, and having the little creatures hurl their bodies into the mechanisms of the guns. The party salvaged the bullets.
To the south they heard small chittering voices, and to the West a great thudding sound. As they were explicitly on a journey to help Idono find a dinosaur to ride, the thumping sound was more promising. Unfortunately it turned out to be a strange leaping statue of a spike-covered lizard, occasionally breathing fire. The party scurried through the room, narrowly avoiding being crushed by it, and came upon a room full of two-foot-tall people with pink, rubbery skin. Their voices were similar in pitch to the small chittering sounds they’d heard elsewhere, and they were not happy to see the party at all, despite a sicc intro pun from Vince.
They were scrambling to battle stations, arming themselves with small guns, and three of them were climbing into 5-foot mech suits. The party attempted to ease tensions, but the little pink people were unwilling to cooperate and the party opted to retreat back to the elevator. They were less lucky scurrying past the leaping statue this time, and poor Idono took 13 points of damage on top of not getting to ride a dinosaur.
At the elevator, they heard the voices in the room to the South preparing for war. Lots of “We knew this day would come,” and “some of us may die!” stuff. The party descended to level 8.
There they found a bunch of vending machines, which they looted with the ol ration-on-a-string trick. This neatly avoided the machine’s defense mechanism, which was to explode if they were jostled too much. Then the elevator went up to 7. The party tied a rope around one of the vending machines and went around a corner. When a squad of 12 armed little pink people emerged, the party yanked on the rope, causing the vending machine to explode, setting off all the others, obliterating the pink people, who did not have any salvagable loot on their corpses.
The party moved past some spikes, through an absolutely wild factory floor in which machines built escher girders which promptly flashed out of existence, then into a corridor with carvings on the wall depicting christian imagery. The room beyond was a carpeted, nondenominational chapel which had been retrofitted with apocalypse materials into a sort of gothic chic. The party met a catholic priest goblin, and Samo promptly uncovered that a dead catholic priest’s ghost believed he was being kept on earth so he could teach at least one person the essential tenents of the faith. He hadn’t been able to communicate other than “hot” and “cold” good and bad feelings to the goblin while the goblin prayed before, so Samo’s ghost-seeing ability and willingness to help was a significant boon. The priest ghost returned to the surface with Samo, so Samo could transcribe as much dogma as needed to be transcribed (within the limits of Samo’s…um…conscience?)
The party returned to the surface without significant incident.
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NOTE:
Levels 1 and 2 of the dungeon have been explored to such an extent that I’m converting them to what I’m calling “Menu Mode.” They’re no longer places where the party will traverse rooms on by one. Instead the party simply has the option to jump to dealing with a particular faction on that level. There are some limitations to this, such as the nest of aggressive robots on level 1 who are still hostile.
The path between the two elevators on level 6 is also safe-ish and will usually be handwaved, though there are many dangers yet on level 6, and I reserve the right to roll encounters there.
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LOOT:
740 Bullets (7400r)
157 Vending Machine Snacks (785r)
That comes to 8185, which divides down to 2047 r or xp each for Idono, Pearl, Samo, and Vince
Session 29: We Don’t Need Idoru’s Head
Run on June 30, 2021 | Week 29 & 30, Year 1
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GOBLIN MARKET:
Among the CD-ROMs meant to help you learn meditation, cheesy ’90s dorm room posters, and water damaged SciFi novels, the party finds a 6th level 5th edition spell “Find Path” for 600r which they don’t purchase, and a Treasure Map for 70r which they do.
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The party descended to level 8, where they found that all the wreckage from the exploded vending machines had been dragged back into the elevator, and was gone. They pushed on to the chapel of the catholic goblin and presented him with a text Samo had compiled from discussions with the ghost priest. There were things Samo wouldn’t pass on on principal, but the priest ghost and goblin priest now had a lot more common down to work from in their hot-and-cold communication. The priest will return the favor someday with a service, so long as it wouldn’t require any sinning.
When asked if there were any dinosaurs nearby, the goblin revealed that in fact there were! In one of the adjacent rooms, in fact! The party went along the path indicated, through a mechanical airlock, into a humid room filled with massive trees, in which a jungle climate had developed. Finger-sized holes in the ceiling periodically sprayed hot mist into the room, creating a really muggy and irritating climate. Here the party met a group of pot-bellied humans who rode stegosauruses as mounts. Idono was desperate to ride one, but they were kinda creeped out by his passion, and also they insisted it couldn’t really be done. Stegosauruses are tempestuous mounts, and must be weaned from the egg if they’re going to tolerate you on their back.
Idoru, hoping to learn something of these people’s fighting style, asked to face their best warrior in single combat. Winner had to teach the other all their fighting secrets. Terms were agreed to (“first blood,” which here was determined to occur once 25% damage had been dealt) Bets were placed. Idoru fought with a ton of swords set into the ground around her, and the Stego-rider warrior woman (Enphou) fought bare handed, using her stego-mount as an extension of her body for powerful bodyslam moves. The fight ended spectacularly in a simultaneous first blood, too close to call. Everyone was friggin’ stoked on how cool it was. All bets were refunded, and the party were allowed to stay with the Stego-Riders for a week while Idoru and Enphou traded warrior secrets.
During the week:
-Idoru developed Stegosaurus Stance, and demonstrated the subtleties of Hydra Stance
-Idono got to ride Stegosauruses a bunch, but it was as difficult as he had been warned, and that was a big disappointment for him.
-Pearl hung out with the village youths, and learned a lot about the area and their local stories.
-Mercy talked about history and religion with the Stego Riders, and learned that 4 generations ago their people had lived in a place of fibrant colors. While climbing out of a valley they’d gone through a light, and found themselves here. They’d bonded with the Stegosauruses they met, then settled here. They believe the dungeon is a chrysalis from which they will someday emerge as a stronger people.
-Samo prepped great food with his fancy knife, and also used his trowel to create pools for everyone to cool off in.
-Lily’s Unnamed Ghost Character searched around for other ghosts. She met the sad ghost in the plastic apple orchard, and tried to help her, but didn’t make much progress.
-Vince located the tribe’s 3 Stegosaurus eggs, identified how often they were checked on, and made plans to steal one when the party left. (Which he did)
Before leaving the party also visited a little nearby room where there was a vending machine filled with books, guarded by a pair of autoguns and a camera. The party bought a few books before heading deeper into the dungeon, towards what the local children described as the “Gross, stinky, angry people.”
As it turned out, these were human figures excreting voluminous sheets of slime that lay in great folds on their bodies. They moved ominously towards the party when they stepped into the room, but stopped when they left. After a bit of deliberation the party attacked, and managed to obliterate one on the first round. Muscles and Worm were sent charging in to pummel the other one. Then the great big fleshy pulsating thing at the other end of the room began to pulse and thump in alarm, and 6 more slime creatures came charging towards the room—one of whom was very clearly Dexadrine Malarkey, Muscles dead paramor. Whether Muscles would have had any reaction to this is unclear, because both he and Worm were torn limb from limb by the slime creatures.
Mercy used his ability to Turn any kind of creature to get all 7 of the slime creatures to stand in a group, which Idono blasted with Uzi fire, dealing a huge amount of damage. Idoru then darted into the fight—only to be struck by a natural 20 while she was in Hydra stance. She took many of the slime creatures with her, but her head was knocked clean off her body, and she died.
Idono charged forward with his Jug of Corrupting Ichors, and greivously wounded the great big fleshy thing with a blast of Vinegar of Undousable Fire, but did not kill it, and by now more of the slime creatures were charging into the room, including one which looked like Idono himself, and another which looked like 9 year old Pearl! The party realized that these were all people who had used the wall of rebirth on Level 2! Idonu was surrounded now, but managed to burst through with a mighty shield bash, while Samo animated the dead party member’s bodies to carry themselves out of the dungeon, and Pearl used her IOUN stone to guard their exits with caltrops.
The party fled the encounter, and managed to return to the surface without any further casualties.
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NICK’S TO-DO LIST:
-Make a new treasure Map
-Write rules for Barrel Roll technique
-Figure out if there’s anything interesting in “Necromancy for Teens”
-DON’T write rules for stegostaurus stance because the only person who could learn it is dead now. It was gonna be some kinda body slam-based thing.
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NOTEs:
-The Jug of 3 Liquids has used Napalm Twice & Mutagen once.
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INJURIES
-Idoru is dead. Beheaded by Dexadrine’s Slime Simulacra
-Worm permanently lost 1 Strength
-Worm died.
-Muscles died in the exact same round he saw Dexadrine’s Slime Simulacra, before he could react.
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LOOT:
Copy of Starfox 64’s Manual, from which a dedicated fighter could learn the technique of Barrel Roll if they were so inclined.
Copy of “Necromancy for Teens” book.
Vince has a Stegosaurus Egg, and a bit of slime from the Slime Simulacra
Session 30: Pudding Party
Run on July 14, 2021 | Week 31, Year 1
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GOBLIN MARKET:
Among heaps of branded junk, lidless tupperware, and holiday tat, the party found a rock with the 2nd level spell “Forget” (AD&D PHB) inscribed on it. They also found a glass ball which, when thrown, would shatter with a flash that induced a magic curse of blindness on everyone who saw, lasting several hours. Vince purchased the spell, Pearl purchased the glass ball, and also one of the tuperware to wear as a hat.
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Note: This recap was delayed nearly a week. My apologies! If I have forgotten anything, please let me know!
After visiting the goblin market, the party decided to search for the area depicted on the treasure map they found last session, which depicted a large snail of some kind on it. Not recognizing the layout of anywhere they’ve yet been, they decided to explore one level deeper: level 9. Samo used his wand of seeing life through walls to get a sense of what creatures were present, and used this to guide the party’s movements.
Of note is that many areas of this level are densely packed with beads hanging from the ceiling. The beads have a pearlescent quality, and apparently they sometimes hide traps, though the party did not encounter any of those during the session.
The party encountered a group of Porc scouts for the first time, who quickly recognized the ratling wizard as the one described by those few who returned from being summoned. Samo explained that he didn’t realize they were real people, rather than magical constructs. It is unclear whether the Porcs accepted this explanation, or whether they were just intimidated by the party, but violence was avoided. The party even managed to talk to the Porcs for awhile, learn about the nearby slimes (who are very horny), the nearby village of turtle people (who are territorial, but not cruel), and the yellow musk zombies to the South.
The party visited the slimes first, and found a bunch of goblins mingling their bodies with the slimes. The party didn’t engage in any shape-making with them, but they did offer the slimes an anti-gravity potion with charm effects. The slimes were willing to pay handsomly for the potion, but upon being given it freely they promised to do a service for the party in future. Perhaps locate treasure in the pipes, or see if they could locate any interesting rooms that are otherwise inaccessible?
To the south, the party trepidatiously attacked the Musk Zombies, who seem kinda scary, but not intelligent enough to attack anything outside of the room. Samo emptied his whole magic repertoire and managed to destroy 11 of them, out of the total of 24. While attempting to summon monsters, Samo summoned a group of rat people who were of the same species as him! He had a lengthy discussion with them. Learned that they lived in a sealed off portion of the dungeon. They think they remember their great-grandparents saying it was level 11? Also they have magic users among them, but necromancy is horrible and banned.
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NICK’S TO-DO LIST:
-How will the slimes pay Samo back?
-Write rules for Barrel Roll technique
-Figure out if there’s anything interesting in “Necromancy for Teens”
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NOTEs:
-The Jug of 3 Liquids has used Napalm Twice & Mutagen once.
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LOOT:
None