Session 41: Samo’s People are Lamers
Run on March 9th, 2022 | Week 42, Year 1ers
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GOBLIN MARKET:
The goblin weaponsmaster demonstrated the the Unfly paper, which makes people think they can fly when they can’t, or turns them into a nerd if they can. It cost 600r, and the party didn’t buy it.
There was a pair of mechanical wings. A high-technology invention of the pre-apocalypse, allowing the wearer to fly like a bird. Requires a battery to run, costs 600r, Pearl bought it.
There was a copy of “Locate Object” the 2nd level spell for 160r, which the party didn’t buy.
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Fearing the great dangers of returning to the space station, the party looked for alternatives. Samo found a hollow bit of piping and shouted into it, calling for the oozes who owe him a favor and asking if they knew of anywhere the party might find good loot. The slimes described a room where the whole ceiling was a portal that opened up into a nice natural sky, with sunlight and rain falling down into it. The ground of that room was covered with dirt and vegetation. The party actually already had a map to this place, but the slimes were able to fill in some additional information. The party descended to level 11, where they went through many rooms very quickly:
-Just out of the elevator they made contact with a trepidatious group of people in business attire, wielding stapler-chucks. The party was able to parse their Buzzspeech well enough that the businesspeople let them pass.
-The party heard some Kobolds down a nearby corridor, and avoided encountering them.
-In a massive room—perhaps the largest yet encountered—there were two hills formed of trash. One using pipes as palisade walls, and one adorned with toilets, bathtubs, and other large pearlescent garbage. The room also had a large magnet affixed to a rail on the ceiling. The map would require the party to enter the hill fort with the pipe palisaide, so they approached that one.
-The tricorn-hat-wearing peoples of that hill seemed to love gold and property, and wished to tax the party 800r for bringing their dragon through the hill fort. The party declined, and decided to look for another way around.
-The party encountered a corridor where a number of boats intersected with the hallways, as if resulting from some kind of collision-glitch before becoming fixed in place. There was a speed boat, a paddle boat, and a small yacht. The party rummanged around in these, and found a number of objects.
-In the next room there was a snake who was happy enough not to eat the party, and told them they were free to exit the room to the North, West, or back South. East was conspicuously missing from the list, and the snake looked prepared to do violence when Pearl moved towards the East door. The party went North.
-Encountering a flock of birds capable of screwdriver use and basic human speech, the party made friends, and a few young bravo birds joined the party “in search of sky.”
-One of Samo’s skeletons was destroyed in the next room, as a dog-faced iron ball leaped out of a coffin to attack. It was unable to follow the party out of the room because its chain was affixed to a stake driven through the heart of the person in the coffin.
-There was a cubicle farm office room. The party ignored it.
-There was some rubble, the party ignored it.
-There was a room filled with notes regarding the mysterious rebirth room behind the curtain on Level 2. The party grabbed as much of this info as they could and moved on.
-There was a door with a keypad, that was opened by one of the numbers Samo found in session 1! Within was a safe room, with some rations in it the party took.
-The party returned to the pile of rubble and cast “Stone to Flesh” on it from a scroll. Plucky gathered much of this and began carving it into rations.
-Beyond, the party discovered a bunch of mouse people, of a kind with Samo! They were startled by the Dragon, and scorned Samo for being a necromancer. From what they said, it sounded like there had been a specific event a generation ago in which all the Necromancers were cast out of their settlement. However, the party was able to demonstrate their peaceful intent, and some of the Rat people samo had accidentally summoned in previous sessions spoke up in his defense. The party was allowed to stay with them for a week.
-The party was shown how the Rat People have managed to live so well down here. There are two portals in their little portion of the dungeon: one which leads to a small island with a freshwater spring in a great sea of salt water. (The birds are super stoked on this island and want to hang out here.) and a portal which leads into the homes of giants, where the rat people are the size of mice, and able to scavenge for food.
NEXT SESSION: What do the birds find when they return from scouting across the ocean?
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NICK’S TO-DO LIST:
-Develop updated Magic in the Moment
-How will the slimes pay Samo back?
-How will the spiders demonstrate their friendship?
-Write rules for Barrel Roll technique
-Figure out if there’s anything interesting in “Necromancy for Teens”
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NOTEs:
-The Jug of 3 Liquids has used Napalm Twice & Mutagen once.
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LOOT:
-12 Hacker-Pschorr brownneck beers
-Seat cushions for the dragon
-Stinky Ice Chest
-Flashlight
-Pocket Knife
-Makeup kit
-2 nice Omega waterproof watches
-Detailed notes about the Rebirth Room behind the curtain on level 2.
-Plucky claimed a hair dryer and brush set.
-Saferoom Rations: 2,000r
-Stone to Flesh Rations: 6,000r
That’s 2667r each for Samo, Pearl, and Idono
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Dragon Mech’s Stats
(Because I can’t freakin’ find them anywhere!)
HD: 10
HP: 46 (currently only 32)
AC: 16
Attacks: Claw/Claw d8/d8
Session 42: The Demons Live in Elias’ House!
Run on March 23rd, 2022 | Week 43, Year 1
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The birds found two other islands while flying: one 10 miles away that was rocky, bushy, and had bugs on it. Another island 3 miles further than that appeared to be little more than a sandbar.
The party investigated the Ratfolk’s other portal, which leads to the home of some giant humanoids with horns. The party timed their visit to start late at night when the house’s six residents would be asleep, and they invaded the kitchen.
They managed to leave very few signs of their passage as they opened the fridge, stole 2 eggs (out of 7), and a packet of cheese slices. They then closed the fridge and went into a pantry, where they scavenged several sacks full of titanic rice. Samo even summoned a group of Porcs, and had them fill THEIR bags with rice, then wait to be returned home at the end of their summoning.
The party then climbed up on a table, from which they were able to look out a window. They saw a lawn made of fire, and a black sky with lightning arcing back and forth between clouds. Apparently this world is somehow worse than the one the players come from?
In the laundry room they found a unicorn stuck in a glue trap, and managed to free it with judicious application of laundry detergent. They offered it a new home, but it didn’t want to leave its family, and pranced away.
In the formal dining room, the party found a great large book, which appeared to be some kind of devil-bible. The night was growing long, and the pages were heavy, so the party was only able to glance briefly through it, but they did discover a spell which they tore out and shoved into a bag of holding before skedaddeling outta there to make their escape.
Relative to their size, the food haul was immense, and the ratfolk were very happy to receive it.
Next session, the party plans to resume following the map.
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NICK’S TO-DO LIST:
-Develop updated Magic in the Moment
-How will the slimes pay Samo back?
-How will the spiders demonstrate their friendship?
-Write rules for Barrel Roll technique
-Figure out if there’s anything interesting in “Necromancy for Teens”
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NOTEs:
-The Jug of 3 Liquids has used Napalm Twice & Mutagen once.
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LOOT:
-2 Titan Eggs
-5 Porcloads of Titan’s Rice
-4 Skeletonloads of Titan’s Rice
-1 Packet of Titan’s Sliced Swiss Cheese
-“Poltergeist” spell from Wonder & Wickedness (p. 22)
That’s 100,000r for Samo & Idono, coming to 50,000/ea
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Dragon Mech’s Stats
(Because I can’t freakin’ find them anywhere!)
HD: 10
HP: 46 (currently only 32)
AC: 16
Attacks: Claw/Claw d8/d8
Session 43 (Final): Raiding the Goblin Market
Run on April 6th, 2022 | Week 44, Year 1
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PCs Present:
Samo
–Sarah
Gorgeous
Pearl
Idono
–Plucky
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The party left the company of the ratfolk and ascended to the Goblin Market. There were pencils monogrammed “Dexadrine,” which Gorgeous urinated on. There was also an overperfumed aligator skin coat, a jackhammer, and the 2nd level Necromancy spell “Recall Death” which Samo purchased. Additionally the Goblin Weaponmaster was having a blowout sale of his final 3 items: a razor sharp skateboard, a forklift that’s just like a normal forklift, and a chair with a tack on it and the tack is coated in the most deadly poison imaginable but it only works if it goes into your butt.
The party descended then to level 5 with this tack (removed and tied to a urine-soaked dexadrine pencil). From their previous meeting with Moss, they knew exactly where Xogthax the Insect Dragon laired. They found the beast showing off his art collection to a group of Kobolds who didn’t seem to be enjoying themselves at all. Gorgeous used her kittycat powers to sneak up and poke Xogthax in the butt with the poison. Remarkably, he made his saving throw, then won initative, and singed Gorgeous with fire breath (obliterating the kobolds as well.) The party attacked openly, and Xogthax was overwhelmed by the combination of violence and poison coursing through his innards. The killing blow was a solid punch from one of Samo’s skeletons.
In the following room the party found a bunch of Kobolds in cages on the ceiling, who asked to be let down, then jeered at the party when they refused. They were also deeply offended to see the party riding around in the corpse of their former dragon god, whom Xogthax had killed.
Among the hanging kobolds were hanging barrels and drums, which the party cracked open to discover they were full of Rations. As a 10HD dragon, Xogthatx had Type H treasure totalling 64,450r of rations :O
The party celebrated by popping over to purchase some hats from the Happy Haberdasher. They also made a Dragonslayer’s Decree: from now on, the Kobolds don’t exist. If anyone sees them, they must behave as though they don’t. Nobody talks to kobolds, nobody talks about kobolds.
Thus ended “5 Years Left.” Thanks everyone for playing! <3
(The party did not raid the goblin market.)
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LOOT: 64,450r