I have made a terrible mistake.

See, for Christmas of 2012, I rewrote the lyrics to Good King Wenceslaus, and performed the rewritten song in a YouTube video. I am not a performer, a singer, a lyricist, or a musician of any kind. Occasionally I go back and watch that video, and it’s a struggle every time. I am deeply embarrassed by every aspect of it. The performing arts are really not for me.

BUT, despite the deep shame that video causes me, it was a fuckton of fun to make. I’m always making up little songs and singing them at people as a joke. And taking it somewhat seriously, really trying to come up with interesting and consistent lyrics for a song that I love, was a fun project. And even sitting down to sing it was fun.

AND, this Christmas I’ve been thinking about how I’d really like to start establishing some traditions for myself. Things I do every year to get me in the spirit of things.

And, well…what Christmas tradition isn’t embarrassing, really?

At least this time I have the excuse of saying I wrote the whole thing in an hour and a half, unlike the lyrics for Dark Lord Wenceslaus, which took at least a week.

(To the tune of “Angels We Have Heard On High”)

Damage dice the ref rolled high,
causing PCs endless pain.
And the monster’s black-hole eye,
driving all of them insane.

(Refrain) x2
Ma-a-a-ake your save, Ma-a-ake your save, Ma-a-ake your saving throw. Or die in the dungeon.

Thief, please find what traps there be,
that our lives you may prolong.
What’s that colored gas I see?
Where’d that flick’ring flame come from?

Rise the horrors from below,
Hung’ring for soft player meat.
Plate armor won’t help you though,
Level drained in a heartbeat.

Down the cor’dor PCs creep
Trespassing a wizard’s home.
Conj’ring spells from hell-mouths deep,
Punishment from out her tome.